Words with (Cheating) Friends
February 28, 2012 at 11:40 am | Posted in Misc. | 1 CommentTags: Alec Baldwin, Words With Friends, Zynga, Scrabble, Cheaters, Cheating, Anagram, Word Nerd, App
As someone who has been playing Zynga’s Words With Friends since its pre-Baldwin glory, I can tell you that the popularity his little airline snafu brought to the app has been great! For the most part.
A whole new group of my friends, family and acquaintances have jumped on the bandwagon, which means I’m playing a lot more. Suddenly, waiting in line isn’t nearly as frustrating, and, not that I’d ever do this, but I’ve heard that some people have been known to play WWF while on particularly boring phone calls (thankfully none of my calls are ever boring, so I’m never even tempted to play at the office).
Cheaters never win! Or at least they shouldn't... Don't make me kick your qarse!
But what hasn’t been so great is the prevalence of cheating in the game. As a self-described word nerd, I pride myself on my vocabulary and grammatical prowess. But some of the folks I’m playing with (whom I dearly love in all other interactions) are so obviously dirty, rotten cheaters that it’s taking the fun out of playing with them.
I’m not talking about throwing a couple letters on the board to see if they make a real word, I’m talking about the people who input their letters into an anagram program. The ones who play words they couldn’t pronounce if their lives depended on it, let alone spell!
Seriously, people. It’s an app. A Scrabble copy-cat (albeit an awesome one!). Do you really need to win that badly??
(Internal realization… Holy rhymes-with-spit! When did I become a bitter, cranky old lady?!?!)
Stepping off soap box now…
P.S. If you want to play with me, my username is Mrs. L-ski… and I promise I’m not always this judgmental!
Diet Update: The Gods Must Be Cruel
February 13, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Posted in In The Kitchen, Office Humor | Leave a commentTags: Caramel deLites, Dark Water Fowl, diet, False Advertising, Girl Scouts Cookies, healthy, healthy food, HindJew, Samoas, Tagalongs, Temptation, Thin Mints
The first two weeks of The Great HindJew Pact were a success! Dipika and I ate healthy foods in moderation, worked out three times each week and felt accomplished and proud. And then I got the plague (okay, okay, it is just a never-ending cold/cough/sniffles-fest), work got insanely busy, and employees the world over flocked – excuse the pun – to Dark Water Fowl’s office, where we had to play hostesses with the mostesses (read: go out for dinner and drinks more often than I care to admit). It was a healthy-living disaster, and when we stepped on our respective scales this weekend, we knew we had sinned. A lot.
So this morning we rededicated ourselves to the cause. We brought healthy foods in appropriate portions to sustain us during the day, we planned our weekly workout schedule and we gave each other pep talks. We started feeling better about ourselves again…
Gah! Girl Scout Cookies are the tools of the devil! (Image courtesy of http://icansing.blogspot.com/)
And then we realized it is Girl Scout Cookie delivery day and we are surrounded by colorful boxes of these tempting treats. And the worst part is, the branding makes us think it’s okay to practically inhale them a box at a time!
I mean, they’re called Thin Mints and Caramel deLites® (aka Samoas®), which is so unfair, and probably false advertising! Let’s face it, there’s nothing “lite” about them, and they sure aren’t going to make me thin!
If I had to identify the silver lining I would say this is a great opportunity to prove that we do, in fact, have willpower. That we can show ourselves that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. And blah blah blah.
Just get the Tagalongs® outta my sight before someone gets hurt!
Fortunately, I Have Optimistic Friends
February 9, 2012 at 9:40 am | Posted in Around Boston, Home Ownership | 2 CommentsTags: Fortune, Fortune Cookie, fortune cookies, great expectation, Home is where the heart is, Home Ownership, Lucky, moving, silver lining, silver linings
Everyone knows that fortune cookies are trustworthy and accurate prediction mechanisms for everything from personal milestones to financial and linguistics-related changes. Want to win the lottery? Check out your lucky numbers. Want to learn the most spoken language in the world? The dessert will teach you one helpful Chinese word at a time (for example: roast duck is, apparently, pronounced “kăo yā”). Curious about your personality, friendships, relationship status, etc.? Turn to the cookie.
Which is why yesterday was so distressing for me. After some yummy Chinese food (read: always too salty, bloat-inducing, hungry-in-an-hour-but-do-this-to-myself-every-time-anyway), I opened my cookie with great expectation, only to find this:
Move to a wonderful new home this year?? WHAT?? After all the shenanigans and tomfoolery that has ensued from the house we purchased less than a year ago, I’m supposed to move again??? I’m sure you can empathize with my tumbling into a pit of despair upon reading it. Honestly, I don’t think I could take moving again so soon! And I’m pretty sure my family, friends, colleagues and random passers-by couldn’t handle listening to me have to move again, either. But the cookie decreed it, so it seemed I was doomed.
Until my friends reminded me that sometimes the wise cookie speaks in metaphors. Home, my friend Michael said, is not where you hang your hat; it is where your heart is. And Dipika echoed that sentiment, saying that the cookie meant within the year our house will be in good enough shape for it to start feeling like a wonderful home – we’ll be metaphorically moving from our “in progress house” into our “happy home” soon!
Thank heavens for optimists! Because of friends’ proclivity toward silver linings, my faith in the wisdom of the cookie is intact, and I’m feeling more optimistic about Chez L-ski, too!
Photo Phriday: Lady Bits
February 3, 2012 at 11:54 am | Posted in Around Boston, Photo Phriday | 2 CommentsTags: Anatomically Incorrect, Anatomy, Bathroom, Loo, Photo Phriday
Today’s Photo Phriday comes to you from a local eatery near Chez L-ski where this gorgeous mural is posted outside the ladies loo. Why is this worthy of a Photo Phriday public shaming? Because it makes me question basic anatomy.
Thoughts?
Is this what we're supposed to look like??
Goodbye, Batphone!
January 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Posted in Misc., Office Humor | 4 CommentsTags: Batman Retires, Batphone, Batsuit, Cell phone, Dark Water Fowl, Droid, Geek, Interwebs, Parents, Retro, technology, Vintage
I work at a technology company and pride myself on my technological prowess (well, maybe “prowess” is too strong, but I’m savvy, at least!). And yet, for years I have been carrying around an old, clunky cell phone in addition to my smartphone. Witness:
I admit it looks really silly to have both a sleek, modern phone and a circa 2002 clunker. But it was all because of my parents (also known as “Sarah’s Mo” and “RWFOTB”)!!
Well, that’s not exactly true… what is true is that the ancient cell phone was like the Batphone to me. My folks were pretty much the only ones who called it, so it was like their exclusive way to reach me (not to mention a local number for them). It was my tie to my younger years, my link to a simpler time when phones just rang – no games, no interwebs, no email, just good old-fashioned talking (and a small amount of texting). It is also the most reliable piece of technology I’ve ever owned. After 10 years, it still works like a charm (and has better reception than my droid, just saying).
But it also made me feel foolish. Why waste money on a second cell phone, especially one that’s so outdated it’s almost cool again (give it another 20 years and it’ll be a collector’s item; until then it will live in my basement)? And why carry that thing around and look like I’m the kind of person who still calls it the “world wide web” or the “information superhighway” when I’m really a super hip technology geek?
The answer is clear: it’s time to say goodbye to my soon-to-be-vintage flip phone. It has been decommissioned, made redundant and disconnected. I am now a one phone gal. And I imagine this is kind of what Bruce Wayne felt like when he finally hung up the Batsuit.
I feel ya, Batman!
The Great HindJew Pact of 2012
January 25, 2012 at 11:00 am | Posted in Heebs, Home Ownership, In The Kitchen, Married Life | 4 CommentsTags: Battle the Bulge, Dark Water Fowl, diet, dieting, Exercise, healthy food, HindJew, Skinny Jeans
When I last obsessed about focused on my “healthy lifestyle initiative” (who am I kidding? Let’s call a spade a spade: my diet), I was desperately trying to be the perfect bride. Since that time, I got hitched, got a new gig, bought a fixer-upper and started to fix it up, and, as a result, resumed eating my feelings. And I have a LOT of feelings. So now there’s a lot more of me to love than in my wedding photos…
Enter my gal pal and colleague, Dipika, and our brand new initiative: The Great HindJew Pact of 2012. Together Dipika and I are vowing to battle the bulge, to rediscover our skinny jeans and, most importantly, to feel better about ourselves. How? By making smarter food choices (cough cough portion size cough cough) and committing to a torture regular exercise routine.
Why am I telling you this? Well, we read somewhere that “publicly declaring your goals significantly enhances your chance of success.” So yeah, we’re using you. Thanks for your inadvertent assistance!
And if you’d like to join us in The Great HindJew Pact of 2012, we will welcome you with soon-to-be-unflabby arms!
The Pregnancy Inquisition
January 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm | Posted in Married Life, Pregnancy Fun Time | 11 CommentsTags: Eating for Two, Eating My Feelings, Home improvement, Home Ownership, Married Life, Mind your own beeswax, pregnancy, Rude Questions
Thought things would change in 2012? Sorry, folks! I’m going to continue my habit of complaining about something fairly insignificant and then soliciting your advice. Because that’s how to start the year on the right foot.
What’s got my knickers in a twist lately? Pregnancy!
Or rather, the overzealous, overwhelming, overabundant questions regarding my hypothetical (and at this point, purely fictional!) pregnancy. Friends, family, colleagues, frenemies, even random baristas, stylists, salespeople and hobos (true story) are prying into my obstetric beeswax!
I know I’m not alone in this. It seems like the questions start the second you get hitched. But now that the hubs and I have been married for over a year, the frequency and intensity of questions has become more like an Inquisition.
My question is: how do you deflect these questions?
While I usually answer: “I’m birthing a house!” because, as you know, dealing with our little fixer-upper has been akin to creating new life (and going through a really, really, really long labor), there must be a better way to do it.
Most people ask out of love (or what I assume is love). People seem to think an Andrew + Sarah combination is just what the world needs, so I don’t want to be insulting – because that is actually very flattering.
But at the same time, it’s a LOT of pressure and, quite frankly, nobody’s business! So how, dear reader(s), do I handle this?
P.S. I am also aware that some folks are assuming that my “winter padding” is actually a bun in the oven. Frankly, I’ve been so stressed over the past eight months, that if there was an actual bun in my actual stainless steel oven in my actual kitchen, it wouldn’t last long. Eating one’s feelings isn’t the same as eating for two. But here we are.
Photo Phriday: Your Rabbi Is Delicious!
January 13, 2012 at 9:23 am | Posted in In The Kitchen, Office Humor | 2 CommentsTags: Heeb, Kosher food, Misspelling, Yid
Everyone knows Jews are excellent cooks. Latkes (goys say potato pancakes) are little fried pillows of heaven, brisket (southerners smoke it, but we make it saucy!) is practically an institution, and matzo ball soup is not only yummy, but also good for what ails ya.
Being a fairly experienced yid, I thought I was familiar with almost every heeb delicacy, but apparently I was wrong. I have never, in my thirty-something years on G-d’s green Earth, seen, tasted or heard tell of “Broccoli Rabbi.” But apparently I’ve been missing out. Witness:
I prefer Carrot Rabbi!
Sounds… umm… tasty?
P.S. Apparently another Jewish delicacy is also on this odd menu – sort of. Pastromi? Really?
It’s pastrami, fools.
Amen!
It’s Like We Kissed
January 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Posted in Office Humor | 4 CommentsTags: Dark Water Fowl, Embarassed at Work, Faux Pas, Grown Up, New Job, New Year
Welcome to 2012, dear reader(s)! Today hasn’t been an easy day for most of us. I’m sure you all know what I mean: just getting out of bed took a herculean effort, and trying to get back into the swing of things at work? Well, let’s just say it’s going to take a while.
I had high hopes for 2012, I really did. This was gonna be my year! The year when my house became a home, when my job became less “OMG!” and turned into more “FTW,” the year when I finally became a grown-up and stopped making ridiculous mistakes.
It’s January 3 and I’ve already disappointed myself by doing something dumb. I was in a meeting in Dark Water Fowl’s legal eagle’s office this afternoon and took a sip of water. From his water glass. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I finished about half the cup! And then it hit me, and I didn’t know what to do.
Try as I might, I could barely focus on the “Ts and Cs,” as lawyer-types refer to them, we were discussing. Instead, I was trying to figure out what to do: admit that I had inadvertently hydrated myself on his water? Or pretend I didn’t notice and everything was normal and fine and that I hadn’t just co-mingled cooties? What would a grown-up do?!?!
I left the meeting without acknowledging my faux pas, and I left his half-drunk cup of water on his desk, complete with my Chapstick lip imprint.
When I returned to my desk, I told my colleagues what I had done, and they couldn’t help but tease me. “It’s like you kissed!” cried one; “That was CLASSIC!” chortled the other. I was mortified. But I figured that grown-ups always admit their mistakes, so I had to march back into his office and fess up.
As I shared my little blunder, I noticed he was making a disgusted face. Great, I thought, he’s totally grossed out! He probably thinks I have some horrific communicable disease.
But I was wrong.
“You drank that?!” he exclaimed. “That cup of water has been sitting on my desk since before Christmas! That’s disgusting!”
Cheers, dear reader(s).
And Happy New Year!
Suspicious Packages – Don’t Trust Anyone!
December 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 3 CommentsTags: Dark Water Fowl, Fish and Wildlife Agency Postal Hold, Geek, Mystery Mail, Rubber Duck, USPS
I’m sure you’re familiar with this experience: you head to your nearest post office or shipping facility to mail something, and they ask you if there’s anything liquid, perishable, hazardous, etc. in the box. You, of course, answer no, and life proceeds as planned while your package of cookies/wine/explosive devices reaches its destination unmolested. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to happen!
What's in YOUR package?
A few weeks ago my colleagues at Dark Water Fowl and I received a notification that a package we shipped across the pond (that’s England, y’all) had been held by the Fish and Wildlife Agency for further investigation.
As employees of a wicked nerdy software company, it took us a moment to figure out why the Fish and Wildlife Agency would have anything to do with our package. We hadn’t sent anything inappropriate, illegal, or otherwise suspicious. We deal in the world of software, not creatures! What was the hold up?
Glad you asked. The box we sent to jolly old England contained a few hundred of Dark Water Fowl’s mascots: adorable little rubber duckies. The packing slip said “rubber ducks” – hence the government intervention. Those fellas are on their game! (And maybe a little bored…)
Hide your children – plastic toys are migrating!
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