If It Fits, It Ships!

December 18, 2009 at 10:17 am | Posted in Around Boston | 1 Comment
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You know that slogan for the USPS, “If it fits, it ships?” Yesterday they proved they’re dead serious. I had to return some coats and a dress, but I knew it was going to be tough to fit it all in one box. So I brought Sarah and the Lady Gaga-loving colleague Rhymes-With-Spiesah from our office. We crammed all that clothing in a large flat-rate box. And when I say crammed, I mean Sarah had to sit on it to get the box closed. Sarah and I both had to hold the box together while Rhymes-With-Spiesah wrapped it in packing tape. And that’s where things went horribly wrong.

Somehow, Rhymes-With-Spiesah cut herself. And I don’t mean a tiny paper-cut. We’re talking stitches, or at least a butterfly bandage. Sarah and I didn’t realize the extent of the injury until we handed the package to the clerk. And then I noticed that the package was covered in blood. I fully admit that I am prone to exaggeration and dramatization. This is not one of those times. It looked like I murdered a small animal and wiped my entrails-covered hands on the box. Too much? It’s true. But I have no photographic evidence because Sarah and I both forgot our Blackberries at the office and Rhymes-With-Spiesah was too busy tending to her wound.

There are two great parts of this story. The first is that the clerk had no reaction to the overstuffed, bloody package I was shipping. None. He didn’t even ask if there was anything fragile, perishable or hazardous in it. Probably because he didn’t want to know. The second is that while Rhymes-With-Spiesah held her bleeding hand above her heart to slow the flow of blood and I calmly completed my transaction as if this were all completely normal (and let’s face it, in my life, it is), Sarah matter-of-factly announced, “Don’t mind me, I’m just removing the blood from my hands with a little packing tape.” And our clerk still did not bat an eye.

So apparently even hazardous material like someone else’s blood will ship as long as you can fit it in a flat-rate box. Which is pretty convenient and economical. It’s probably the one thing brown can’t do for you.

~April

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  1. Ewww, yuck…


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