Where’s the Cheese?!?

February 11, 2010 at 9:26 am | Posted in Married Life | 10 Comments
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Recently I received an email from e-wedding resource giant (and seller of personal information to anyone who’ll buy it) TheKnot.com that seemed to contain distressing information. The subject was: “15 Cheese-Free Wedding Ideas.”

If you’ve ever met Andrew, you will understand why this is so unsettling. As future grooms go, he is easy to please, and thus far I have discovered only a few areas where he’s unwilling to budge.  These include: a mandatory steak option on our reception menu, a cake preference of marble, and our cocktail hour MUST include an artery-clogging, lactose intolerant digestive attack-inducing amount of cheese, (especially sharp cheddar… Though, as we learned from Free Cheese Day, Cabot Cheddar is lactose free). Still not getting the picture? This guy eats whole blocks of cheese in one sitting! With or without crackers. And I adore him all the more for it!

Hoodles, back to the nuttiness at hand: a wedding without cheese… Upon receiving this email, I immediately forwarded it to my dear co-blogger so she could join my appalled state of mind.  Witness:

To April W.
From Sarah W.
The subject of this email frightened me immensely. This might be enough for Andrew to call off a wedding and just elope 😉

To Sarah W.
From April W.
That is horrific! I, too, was alarmed at the subject of this email. It makes me suspicious of The Knot. This is further ammo for Andrew’s call for eloping (elopement?).

Bolstered by my bloggier half’s support, I decided to share this atrocious email with Andrew. He took a quick glance at the subject line and gave me the look. You know, the one that conveys serious displeasure and super veto power. Normally I have only seen that look on mothers, but when it comes to cheese, Andrew can convey messages without a word, too.

But this email was like an accident scene and I simply couldn’t look away. And thank goodness for that! When I actually read the email itself, I discovered the real trickery of TheKnot.com. The needlessly alarming subject actually referred to maudlin wedding ideas, not dairy products. When I shared this with Andrew a look of relief so pure crossed his face – it was like glimpsing an angel – and he was instantly transformed back to the happy-go-lucky future groom we know and love.

So be warned, dear reader(s): if you are planning nuptials and succumb to the pressure of TheKnot.com, expect junk mail and spam email, stressful to do lists, and needlessly frightening puns.



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  1. And don’t you dare sign up for any of those this-is-what-your-fetus-is-doing-at-3.5-months services. Unless you’re dying to receive emails like “How you’re killing your child with bagels! Six ways to change your diet and avoid the risk of miscarriage!”

    • Don’t knock the this-is-what-you-fetus-is-up-to emails! They got me through my pregnancy. And it was more the total strangers (and totally strange acquaintances) who really made me crazy with wisdom like: “You’re killing your baby by drinking Crystal Light” and “You’ll never lose the baby weight if you dip everything in queso!”

  2. I think I need to incorporate cheese into my diet more often and wisen up on its wonderfulness, because it seems the gift of cheese can apparently start ones week off great (April), or it has the potential to threaten ones upcoming nuptials. Clearly CHEESE is a BIG deal and can not be taken lightly! Where have I been, under a rock?

    • Jill, I’m so relieved to hear that you’ve seen the light and the bounty that IS cheese. When is snacktime? ~Sarah

  3. People eat crackers with their cheese?

    • Wacky, I know… some people even do crazy stuff like drinking wine with it! Weirdos. ~Sarah

  4. I have the antidote right here: http://www.houseofcheese.co.uk/acatalog/Weddings.html

    And may I also recommend a Google image search of this same subject matter? Oh who needs your permission; I just did. Mmm, cheese.

    • Erika, that is amazing!!! Good Google-ing! In fact, I’m fairly certain Andrew believes that’s what they serve in heaven 😉

  5. Andrew wants to elope? Is that a bad idea?
    Father-of-the-Bride (oops, I think I just outed myself)

    • Oh, poppa (aka Rhymes-With-Rad aka Rather of the Tried?), you’re a goof! And I love you for it!

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