April & Sarah Go to David’s Bridal

February 24, 2010 at 9:09 am | Posted in Married Life | 19 Comments
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I have a completely irrational fear of big white wedding dresses. There. I said it. My name is Sarah and I’m addicted to PJ’s (which I refer to as “lounge wear” before 8 pm, but I digress). Wedding dresses inspire in me the kind of irrational fear that keeps people up at night, except instead of imagining natural disasters, I have crazy visions of myself as an over-heating marshmallow in chiffon.  And I get short of breath imagining squeezing into some bizarre taffeta torture device that designers call a bodice. Shudder.

Anyway, my faithful co-blogger decided that it was time for me to face my fears and begin the insanity. I’m not talking a full Running of the Brides immersion; I’m talking a teeny tiny toe-dip into the word of organza. And so we went on a mission to procure a bridal catalog from that ubiquitous chain, David’s Bridal

First mistake: we went on a Sunday and the store was completely packed with spotlight-seeking brides, emotionally needy bridesmaids, stress-crazed mothers of the bride and even cranky flower girls. It was a torrent of lady-emotions in the lair of gowns.

Second mistake: dealing with nincompoops. When we asked for the catalogue we were seated at a registration table and that’s where the nonsense began. Due to my irrational fear, we decided to use our nom de plume instead of our real names. The bride, “Sarah Wilderrol,” would be marrying her true love “Alex” in “November” and my “matron of honor” was “Alex’s sister, April.” Well, the lovely woman signing us in translated that into April and I preparing for our same sex marriage. We are still scratching our heads on that one, but apparently poor “Alex” was inadvertently jilted at the catalogue registration desk.

Third mistake: believing the hijinks would stop there. To calm my nerves, April and I decided to stop off for apps and an adult beverage at the neighborhood Chili’s. Apparently we looked like gals seeking sales because when April asked for a Sam Adams, the waitress scornfully informed her that it “wasn’t on special” and would be more than $1.99, in fact, even more than $2.99. As gainfully employed professionals and hometown celebrity bloggers, trust me when I say that if we order it, we can pay for it. At Chili’s. Which is delicious, but totally affordable.

So here’s to the friends (and life-partners, apparently) that help us get through both the day-to-day stresses and the irrational fears. To the gal willing to pay $4.69 for a beer as she watches her friend gradually calm down over a ginger peach margarita. And to our dear reader(s) for going easy on cheap, crazy gal pals like us 😉

Cheers,

Sarah

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  1. Where to you get a beer at a restaurant for LESS than $1.99 ?????

  2. OMG a quick story… we went to David’s bridal to look at bridesmaid dresses – me, my mom, and my bridesmaid Janna – and we saw this HUGE bride come out of the dressing room in this dress that had about seventeen layers of poof on the bottom, and heavy beading on the top ending erupting a thick ruffle, needless to say not the type of adornment that might be seen anywhere near the category of “slimming.” And we just watched her walking to the podium where the brides stand in front of the mirror and we all looking at each other like, “Oh no. OH NO.” And then this woman’s friend runs up to her and hugs her and they both start crying in a fashion that indicates “This is the one!” And we all had our jaws on the floor looking at each other like, “We’ve got to tell her. SOMEBODY has got to TELL her!”

    So that’s what I’ll always think of when I think of David’s Bridal. Fat lady in The Dress that Ate Manhattan.

  3. Why is my picture the flying spaghetti monster?

    OMG Leah… go back to work!

    • Leah, you’re a RIOT! To address your comments:
      1) Chili’s had Bud Light on tap for $1.99… apparently that’s all that we looked like we could afford 😉
      2) Holy moly!!! That’s quite a story! We saw no one who had eaten a major metropolitan area, but there definitely were some “interesting” characters in there… eeek! Did you end up getting your bridesmaid dress there? How’d that work out for your wedding party?
      3) If you don’t have a wordpress ID, you are assigned a monster instead of having a blank square. We heart monsters… but as you’ll find out in an upcoming blog post, we do not heart monster mini-golf!

      • Oh em gee; S#1 and I went to Monster Mini Golf next to the David’s Bridal. SOOOOOO not heart-worthy.

        • Oh Em Gee is right!!! That place seriously smells like sweaty boy 😉

  4. Well, you had to experience it…never look back or you will go blind. As my mum always says “I paint a lovely ladder..” which is code for “elope and send a picture postcard…margarita in hand..”

    • True story, Schmargaret!

  5. Vignette number two actually cheers me a bit. When I was preparing for my wedding to the illustrious S#1, bridal salons COULD NOT comprehend the concept of two brides. At one point we decided to shop for only one dress at a time. (Just as well, actually, because we were actually on the prowl for bridesmaid dresses in order to avoid the taffeta chiffon satin marshmallow lace ballet princess effect. Clearly I was a bad bride.)

    As for your restaurant experience, I think you should have done what any good bride-to-be would have done when refused the service you asked for. Stand up, stomp your feet, and yell “IT’S MY SPECIAL DAY” at the top of your lungs. Bonus points for bursting into tears.

    • Ooh, glad our ummm… “interesting” experience provided cheer 🙂 And it’s about time bridal stores got with the program!!
      AND I’m definitely going to practice throwing fits and screaming things like: “I’m the bride, so just do it!” LOL!
      Any other tips are more than welcome from one “bad bride” to another 😉

      PS You and S#1 are lucky ladies 🙂

  6. Ha! I laugh heartily at “IT’S MY SPECIAL DAY!”

    To answer your question Sarah, I didn’t buy BM dresses at David’s. We told the saleslady that we were looking for light pink and she said, “Um… we don’t carry that… you may have to have custom dresses made.” As if there was no pink frock to be found in the world! Only David’s signature Fuchsia! You will be assimilated!!!

    So we got everything from Camilla’s in Arlington. Small nice bridal shop, and very patient 😉

    • Oooh, I’ve heard awesome things about Camilla’s, too!!

  7. BRAVO on the post – and comments – ladies 😉
    so sad i couldn’t make it on sunday, i miss you and it sounds like it was a riot
    but i love living vicariously through the post, and although seemingly unpopular, i DID love monster golf…
    “Krabby Patty,” love of my life, took me to monster golf for date night, and i almost had a heart attack driving into the parking lot because i thought he was taking me to david’s bridal – silly silly girl
    p.s. i have also heard amazing things about Camilla’s

    • Ginny-girl! How funny that KP took you to Monster Mini-Golf… we were there right after school vacation week so it kind of smelled like sweaty boy (shudder).

  8. Way to face those fears Sarah! And look at the funny memories that have resulted from this experience 🙂

    • Thanks, Sarina… I’ll get there one step at a time 😉

  9. There was a time where I had a little enthusiasm about my own upcoming (eventually) nuptials and decided to give it a shot. So I went to a little boutique here near me, and when I was finally approached to see if I needed help the lady made a point of saying “and is this the man you will be marrying?” (Ryan standing there all dopy and happy as usual). Sooo, aparently you are not suppose to bring your husband while shopping for “the dress”? Who knew, not me! Oh my, I am not cut out for this!

    So I leave the ups, downs, tantrums, drunken nights, tears, fights, big dress, crazy planning, crazy mailings, crazy family to Sarah and her sidekick April and hope they can enjoy it all in the end (if they are still among the living)!

    You guys don’t need help with the relaxing part, you know how to do it, even if it costs you your paycheck!

    • Dear Snarky Love: We will keep you posted and let you know of any pitfalls we encounter. Gals gotta stick together! The wedding machine can be a little… much… sometimes.

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