So long, Massholes!

April 29, 2010 at 10:58 am | Posted in Around Boston | 6 Comments
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Today officially marks the beginning of the great move back west.  While the hubs and a couple of his buddies load up a U-Haul with more stuff than we could possibly own, I’m driving to New York with the baby and dog.  Road trip!

There’s a lot I’ll miss about Massachusetts — well, more specifically, the North Shore.  There’s also a lot I’m glad to leave behind.  And since I’m most likely driving as you read this, I’ll start with the roads.  Let me first say that Massachusetts’ reputation for horrendous drivers is no mere myth.  They lean on the horn before the light turns green, dodge pedestrians and other traffic as if attempting one of those drunk driving similutation courses, and apparently have never heard of cruise control.  But it might not be completely their fault.  If you’ve ever attempted to navigate the roads out here (and you’re not from around here), then you know the roads are a big part of the problem.  There are no street signs in Boston.  That’s a fact.  You have to know where you’re going to know where you’re going.  And the expressway off- and on-ramps are nonexistent.  One minute you’re veering onto what you assume is a ramp to ease into highway traffic, and before you know it, you have hunks of steel bearing down on you.  And don’t get me started on the potholes — made worse by the Commonwealth’s dry-patch band-aid solution.

You know what else I won’t miss?  The area’s inedible excuse for pizza.  Seriously?  Crushed tomatoes on an oily cracker covered with stringy cheese does not a pizza make.  My mom wants to grill out for our first night back.  I told her I’ve already got a pizza and wings ordered.

But I will pine for the ocean.  Lake Ontario has nothing on the vast expanse of nothingness and everthing that is the Atlantic Ocean.  Mike and I would often drive from our apartment straight up the coast to circle Gloucester and Rockport, periodically pulling over just to watch the waves crash on the rocky shore below.  And the fun we’ve had out on the ocean on friends’ boats…  Some stories can only be fully comprehended by those who were there. 

Which leads me to the many friends we’ve made out here.  Friends who were here for our marriage and the birth of our first child.  Friends we are not saying goodbye to, but merely, “We’ll see you again soon.”

And we will see you again soon!




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  1. We sure will miss you. I assume you will keep on blogging from Rochester. “Rochester!?” “Yes, boss…” Besides being named for Jack Benny’s butler, Rochester has some wonderful things to recommend it. For example, rather than deal with the confusion of 4 distinct seasons, there are only 2 there: WINTERRRR and Road Repair. In WINTERRR, lake effect snow blows horizontally into your face every day frrrom NNNNNovember ttto the end of AAApril (no pun intended). And in keeping with the preservation of natural resources, someone removes the sun from the sky for the same period. We hope gray is one of your favorite hues, because its many shades will color the sky all WINTERRR. But only for a few hours per day. The rest of the time it’s just dark and cccold. But you always (constantly?) have summer to look forward to. That’s when the road equipment comes out of hibernation to mate and to confound the very few people who live there and have cars. Oh, and as for mating, a favorite subject of mine, Rochester has a lower birthrate than cities in more southerly climes (which includes about 98% of the world). The official reason is that few people find that their partner’s wearing wool knee socks to bed to be stimulating in any way. Best to have a couple of Scotches and call it a (very long) night. And as for wildlife, the Petersen’s Guide to the Birds of Rochester lists the Mosquito as an indigenous species in the Raptor Section. With a wingspan in excess of 8″ and a proboscis about the size of a horse doctor’s hypodermic syringe, the Rochester Mosquito cannot be warded off by mere Citronella or a fly swatter. Hence, all Rochesterians have automatic weapons licenses and carry large containers of Mace. Uncovered decks are not known in “The Roch” unless they have the anti-aircraft tower option. So, enjoy your new digs and don’t worry about potholes and such.

  2. Hahahaha! And by that he means: “we miss you already!”
    Sounds like the perfect vacation spot for yours truly… get out the airmattress 😉

  3. Yes Sarah, do come out and visit. We keep the mosquitos at bay with bats, which you can watch at dusk on our porch. And don’t forget the firefly display each night on our front lawn. But RWFofB is correct about 2 seasons. And Road Repair season is in full spring. However, even with all that, my commute is never more than 15 minutes, maybe 20 to the farthest corners of the area. And for that alone, I will keep Rochester. Hope to see you and Andrew out here soon!!

  4. Why you gotta hate on Rochester? Jealousy does not become you RWFotB

  5. I don’ gotta hate on Rochester. I admire you Rochesterians. Youz is a tough buncha pioneers. And you’re right – for the 3 weeks of summer you have, I am jealous. While we in CT and MA have to wait and wait for summer to end in October, you get it over with in August. Fall colors come earlier to you (albeit for a shorter time) so you appreciate them that much more. No taking them for granted for weeks on end as we do here. So, feel blessed. Massholes indeed….

    • “Massholes indeed…”

      I resemble that remark!

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