Netflix Thinks We’re Deranged

January 20, 2011 at 9:10 am | Posted in Married Life | 8 Comments
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The other day I decided to add a few flicks to Andrew’s our (what’s yours is mine – yay marriage!) Netflix queue when I made a startling discovery: Netflix thinks we’re deranged.

After adding a few reputedly delightful foreign flicks to the list (Micmacs, I have high hopes for you – don’t let me down!) I checked out what Netflix recommends based on our preferences.

It wasn’t pretty… A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Kalifornia. Netflix even created movie categories for us (e.g. Gritty Revenge Thrillers).

Bill Ross' illustration looks like our living room on a Sunday night!

If the FBI profiled people based on Netflix queues, my harmless hubs and I would be on some sort of “watch list!”

You may say: “Netflix generates its recommendations based on an algorithm that uses your previous selections and ratings and other people’s queues that have demonstrated similar tastes.”

Well, that may be the case, but I’m still gonna cry foul to protect my reputation!  And shame on you for your smug retort to my distressing situation.  

For every bizarre movie Andrew is sucked in to watching (think of them like car accidents – he just can’t avert his gaze once he knows about them), we probably have ten rom-coms. For every Human Centipede we have at least a Toy Story 3, The Other Guys and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.  For every Splice we have SATC 2 (yes, we heard it was awful – that’s why we waited for it to be released on video!), Penelope and Little Fockers.

Frankly, I think it’s time Andrew surrendered control of the queue to yours truly. 

Can I get an amen?



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  1. AMEN! When my sig. other and I started sharing MY Netflix account, all of my personal recommendations went right out the window. Now I don’t know what to watch!

    • LOL – so you’re the Andrew in this situation and I’m your sig. other!! And all four of us are confused 😉

  2. What?
    You are married more than a week and the man still thinks he has any rights at all to the TV clicker???
    I thought that prepare you to be a perfect bride website had all this covered.
    Don’t let this go on too long… it starts to fester and will be way harder to cure!!!

    Best to Andrew.
    Your loving Cousin

    • You’re right, Bunny: I’ve been neglecting my duties as wife-zilla and this will only hurt our relationship later. I’m going to log-in to the Netflix account and immediately change the password to something girly that he won’t ever type. Like tampon. Our new Netflix password will be tampon!

      • Alas, I fear that the password tampon may already be taken by yet another newly desperate housewife!!!

        • Drat! Okay, new password: Cramps.

  3. One of my buddies decided to watch every movie off the Onion AV Club’s “Best Bad Movies List”. I can only imagine what his recommendations look like now between The Happening, Basic Instinct 2, and The Room (if you’ve never seen The Room, it’s totally worth seeing. So bad it’s classic!)

    Also, fair warning: don’t even read the wikipedia description of Human Centipede. I did and have regretted it ever since

    • Oh Hadji, not only did we read the wikipedia description, but Andrew actually watched the film in its entirety! (I couldn’t stomach it…)
      Before we got hitched, we did silly things like watch “Teeth” with friends as a joke, but now that he’s roped me in, I’m afraid he’s not kidding about these horrendous flicks.
      I’ll have to keep the Onion AV Club’s list to myself or I’m afraid that’ll be our next goal as a couple. Groan 😉

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