Is the Commuter Rail the “Offline” Ashley Madison?

March 22, 2011 at 10:12 am | Posted in Around Boston, Married Life | 4 Comments
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I’ve been commuting on the MBCR/MBTA Commuter Rail for a long time, and while I’m perpetually grouchy about delays, crowded trains and nincompoop riders, I recently discovered another fun aspect of commuting to gripe about: it seems that commuter trains are hot beds (so to speak) for people seeking extra-marital affairs (does that seem redundant to anyone else? I mean, how many inter-marital affairs have you heard about? But I digress…).

I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is to see middle-aged professionals flirting over briefcases in purple pleather seats. As Bonnie Raitt* correctly identified, they laugh just a little too loud, stand just a little too close (and it isn’t only when the train is packed) and stare just a little too long. It’s icky. And it isn’t something I want to talk about (but I’m going to anyway). 

Yesterday evening I was witness to one such encounter. Sitting in a “four seater” (you know what I mean: two two-person benches – aka love seats – facing each other), you would have thought the woman next to me had met the funniest human alive, the way she was reacting to the gentleman across from her (who shall henceforth be known as the Middle-Aged Commuting Adonis). Seriously, he flashed his pearly off-whites and the woman, let’s call her Flirty Gerty, practically dissolved into a puddle of lust (if lust could take the form of a puddle, that is).

Being the optimistic innocent naïve gal that I am, I noticed they were both wearing wedding bands and thought that perhaps this amorous couple was a pair of older newlyweds. And that would have been significantly less nauseating.

Alas, it wasn’t the case. Midway through our ride, Flirty Gerty received a text message, and being the nosy know-it-all curious gal that I am, I read the following message over her shoulder: “Picked up the kids. Let’s order pizza tonight and relax together.” 

Okay, that message isn’t proof of anything. It could have been from a friend, a car pool buddy, or even a roommate. But it wasn’t.

Flirty Gerty responded (all the while making googly eyes at Commuting Adonis): “Thanks, John. See you at home. Love you!”

So she’s clearly not married to/living with Commuting Adonis. But this could still all be an innocent encounter, right? Wrong.

Before Flirty Gerty got off the train, Adonis took her hand in his and confessed that seeing her was the best part of his day, and that he would text her later. She blushed, and in the breathiest voice she could muster, replied: “I can’t wait for this weekend,” and then winked at him.

She winked!

Tell me I’m wrong, dear reader(s)! Convince this optimistic, trusting newlywed that I’m misinterpreting their interaction! Find a plausible excuse to restore my faith in humanity, marriage and commuting! And remind me never to sit in that train car again!

Feeling dirty,

Sarah

* Oops, my inner music dork is showing!

4 Comments »

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  1. You need to be a little quicker on your feet. A simple ‘Excuse me, you’re John’s wife, right? I’m Sarah, we met a couple years back at his family reunion/company outing. How is John? I’ve been meaning to call him…’ would be enough to have them both wetting themselves.

    • Good call, Andy K! I’m keeping that in the “comeback stash” for future use 🙂

  2. I wish you weren’t right just for the sanctity of marriage but I do believe you’re right. I had a somewhat similar scenario recently. The guy next to me was on his cell phone talking very flirtatiously with whomever was on the other line. I figured out it was a girl eventually, and thought they were dating and how they were obviously connecting well. Then I saw the ring on his finger and heard him mention his wife! I then thought maybe I’d misinterpreted their flirting success until I heard him say she really needs to go to spring break and how he can’t wait to see her in a bathing suit etc. (They were younger) And if that wasn’t bad enough, eventually he hung up with her and his wife called and his tone TOTALLY changed! No excitement, no happy-to-hear-from-you talk. It was sooo bad! Lesson is, I guess if someone wants to have an affair they can find it anywhere!


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