Giggle-Worthy

August 24, 2009 at 3:39 pm | Posted in Office Humor | Leave a comment

It’s important to try to find humor in life…especially at the office! Therefore, Factinis & Factomelettes will occasionally highlight giggle-worthy instances that brighten our days. For example, today we encountered a request for sources on a news story about a certain disease’s awareness month. To ensure confidentiality (and since we aren’t here to embarrass anyone!), we’ve changed the name/condition, but the sentiment remains the same:

Query: It’s potential heart attack month – how will YOU be celebrating?

April: How aren’t we celebrating?

Sarah: I’m not sure, but we don’t want to get too crazy and give these poor folks congestive heart failure!

Sheesh!

Goodbye, Batphone!

January 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Posted in Misc., Office Humor | 4 Comments
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I work at a technology company and pride myself on my technological prowess (well, maybe “prowess” is too strong, but I’m savvy, at least!).  And yet, for years I have been carrying around an old, clunky cell phone in addition to my smartphone.  Witness:

I admit it looks really silly to have both a sleek, modern phone and a circa 2002 clunker.  But it was all because of my parents (also known as “Sarah’s Mo” and “RWFOTB”)!!

Well, that’s not exactly true… what is true is that the ancient cell phone was like the Batphone to me.  My folks were pretty much the only ones who called it, so it was like their exclusive way to reach me (not to mention a local number for them).  It was my tie to my younger years, my link to a simpler time when phones just rang – no games, no interwebs, no email, just good old-fashioned talking (and a small amount of texting). It is also the most reliable piece of technology I’ve ever owned.  After 10 years, it still works like a charm (and has better reception than my droid, just saying).

But it also made me feel foolish.  Why waste money on a second cell phone, especially one that’s so outdated it’s almost cool again (give it another 20 years and it’ll be a collector’s item; until then it will live in my basement)?  And why carry that thing around and look like I’m the kind of person who still calls it the “world wide web” or the “information superhighway” when I’m really a super hip technology geek?

The answer is clear: it’s time to say goodbye to my soon-to-be-vintage flip phone.  It has been decommissioned, made redundant and disconnected.  I am now a one phone gal.  And I imagine this is kind of what Bruce Wayne felt like when he finally hung up the Batsuit.

I feel ya, Batman!

The Great HindJew Pact of 2012

January 25, 2012 at 11:00 am | Posted in Heebs, Home Ownership, In The Kitchen, Married Life | 4 Comments
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When I last obsessed about focused on my “healthy lifestyle initiative” (who am I kidding?  Let’s call a spade a spade: my diet), I was desperately trying to be the perfect bride. Since that time, I got hitched, got a new gig, bought a fixer-upper and started to fix it up, and, as a result, resumed eating my feelings. And I have a LOT of feelings. So now there’s a lot more of me to love than in my wedding photos…

Enter my gal pal and colleague, Dipika, and our brand new initiative: The Great HindJew Pact of 2012. Together Dipika and I are vowing to battle the bulge, to rediscover our skinny jeans and, most importantly, to feel better about ourselves. How? By making smarter food choices (cough cough portion size cough cough) and committing to a torture regular exercise routine.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we read somewhere that “publicly declaring your goals significantly enhances your chance of success.” So yeah, we’re using you. Thanks for your inadvertent assistance!

And if you’d like to join us in The Great HindJew Pact of 2012, we will welcome you with soon-to-be-unflabby arms!

It’s Like We Kissed

January 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Posted in Office Humor | 4 Comments
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Welcome to 2012, dear reader(s)!  Today hasn’t been an easy day for most of us.  I’m sure you all know what I mean: just getting out of bed took a herculean effort, and trying to get back into the swing of things at work?  Well, let’s just say it’s going to take a while.

I had high hopes for 2012, I really did.  This was gonna be my year!  The year when my house became a home, when my job became less “OMG!” and turned into more “FTW,” the year when I finally became a grown-up and stopped making ridiculous mistakes.

It’s January 3 and I’ve already disappointed myself by doing something dumb.  I was in a meeting in Dark Water Fowl’s legal eagle’s office this afternoon and took a sip of water.  From his water glass.  I didn’t realize what I was doing until I finished about half the cup!  And then it hit me, and I didn’t know what to do.

Try as I might, I could barely focus on the “Ts and Cs,” as lawyer-types refer to them, we were discussing.  Instead, I was trying to figure out what to do: admit that I had inadvertently hydrated myself on his water?  Or pretend I didn’t notice and everything was normal and fine and that I hadn’t just co-mingled cooties?  What would a grown-up do?!?!

I left the meeting without acknowledging my faux pas, and I left his half-drunk cup of water on his desk, complete with my Chapstick lip imprint.

When I returned to my desk, I told my colleagues what I had done, and they couldn’t help but tease me.  “It’s like you kissed!” cried one; “That was CLASSIC!” chortled the other.  I was mortified.  But I figured that grown-ups always admit their mistakes, so I had to march back into his office and fess up.

As I shared my little blunder, I noticed he was making a disgusted face.  Great, I thought, he’s totally grossed out!  He probably thinks I have some horrific communicable disease.

But I was wrong.

“You drank that?!” he exclaimed.  “That cup of water has been sitting on my desk since before Christmas!  That’s disgusting!”

Cheers, dear reader(s).

And Happy New Year!

Suspicious Packages – Don’t Trust Anyone!

December 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 2 Comments
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I’m sure you’re familiar with this experience: you head to your nearest post office or shipping facility to mail something, and they ask you if there’s anything liquid, perishable, hazardous, etc. in the box.  You, of course, answer no, and life proceeds as planned while your package of cookies/wine/explosive devices reaches its destination unmolested.  Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to happen!

Suspicious Mail

What's in YOUR package?

A few weeks ago my colleagues at Dark Water Fowl and I received a notification that a package we shipped across the pond (that’s England, y’all) had been held by the Fish and Wildlife Agency for further investigation.

As employees of a wicked nerdy software company, it took us a moment to figure out why the Fish and Wildlife Agency would have anything to do with our package.  We hadn’t sent anything inappropriate, illegal, or otherwise suspicious.  We deal in the world of software, not creatures! What was the hold up?

Glad you asked.  The box we sent to jolly old England contained a few hundred of Dark Water Fowl’s mascots: adorable little rubber duckies.  The packing slip said “rubber ducks” – hence the government intervention.  Those fellas are on their game!  (And maybe a little bored…)

Hide your children – plastic toys are migrating!

Photo Phriday: What the Frog? Or Mouse… or rat… or human…

October 21, 2011 at 9:46 am | Posted in Photo Phriday | 3 Comments
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Today’s Photo Phriday gem is brought to you by my colleague at Dark Water Fowl, “Amoanda” (nickname courtesy of a misspelled birthday “cake wreck,” not a reference to any sort of sounds she may or may not make).

Amoanda was on the interwebs this morning and noticed an “interesting” ad from the Goggle.

Ummm...

I don’t want to know why the average person would need human, mouse and rat DNA – whether it’s methylated or not.  Before long we may even see DNA infomercials and ASOTV pitches!  I can see it now… “But wait, there’s more!  Buy rat DNA today, and get a special offer on monkey DNA!”

Happy weekend, dear reader(s)!

~Sarah

Photo Phriday: You’re Serving WHAT?

August 19, 2011 at 10:38 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor, Photo Phriday | 11 Comments
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There’s a “cute” little cafeteria here at Dark Water Fowl and, while I usually brown-bag it, I often check the weekly menu to see if anything tempts me to stray from my turkey on wheat.  Needless to say, this week didn’t do it for me…

Tater Tots

Your tots are totally inappropriate!

While I enjoy avocados, I’m not sure how I feel about “avacado” on Mondays, and I’m not sure whose pie they were serving on Tuesday, but today’s vegetable is most impressive: “tata tots.” 

Tata tots???   Now that’s an inappropriate side dish!

Oy vey.

~ Sarah

Most Embarrassing Afternoon Ever

July 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 8 Comments
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I’m pretty sure I’m still blushing, even two hours after “the sex incident.”

This is NOT a good day...

A little background: we use Skype at my office, both for instant messaging and for international calls with our team-members around the world.  And because of my job function (PR princess), I’m always signed-in to Skype.

Well, today I was in a meeting with one of our male VPs.  Alone.  In his office.

We were both looking at a document on my computer screen when a pop-up notified me that I had an incoming call from someone named…

“Sex.”

Mortified, I quickly clicked ignore, and sheepishly glanced at said more-powerful-than-me-colleague.  We made eye contact and endured a moment of very awkward silence before he said:

“Don’t let me interrupt your plans!”

“No, I… it’s not… I don’t…,” I stuttered.  “I really have NO idea who that is!”

After another awkward pause (that I’m pretty sure was the equivalent of one hour, not the ten seconds the clock said), he laughed genially and we got back to business.  Real business.  I mean looking at the document!  ARGH!  You know what I mean!!

Flustered,
Sarah

Your Reality is a Wonderland: Mob Wives

May 17, 2011 at 8:30 am | Posted in TV (The Boob Tube) | 8 Comments
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Andrew and I are addicted (and I say that with only the healthiest of connotations) to reality television. Lest you begin to fret, I assure you that we aren’t gluttonous about this compulsion, and we only partake in the “klassiest” reality shows. For example, we don’t jones for Jersey Shore or itch for Idol, and we’ve advanced well-past our gateway dabbling in Bridezillas. These days, we yen for the more sophisticated flavor of The Real Housewives (including NY, OC, BH, Miami, and, of course, NJ), and our most recent reality indulgence, VH1’s Mob Wives.

Some photographer caught the Mob Wives at a rare moment... for a change, no one is cussing (or even talking)!

We heard tell of this magical new program from my new boss-man* (with the caveat that, to watch it, you need to be able to handle entire sentences being bleeped out). He was right: Andrew and I are hooked, and the language would make any sailor blush.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of a rendezvous with the wives, here’s a taste to whet your appetite: Mob Wives is a “docu-soap” that follows four women who are “allegedly associated” with the Mob. Basically, their fathers or husbands are in the big house and they’re busy getting into their own kind of trouble on Staten Island, to the delight of viewers like us.

According to my hubs, the only drawback is the theme song: “The Big Bang” by Rock Mafia. Andrew disliked it immediately, but I thought it was kind of catchy (and we both prefer it to the noise of Katy and Kanye’s “E.T.” any day of the week!). Unfortunately VH1 plays it approximately 47 million times each episode, so the chorus, “The big big bang/the reason I’m alive” is perpetually stuck in our heads. Sigh.

If I hear of any other big hits (Get it? Hits? A triple meaning! A hit like when the mob takes someone out, a hit like a popular TV show and a hit like our addiction to the reality format), I’ll keep you posted!

For now, as the wives say, *@#%$! %#$#^*(*@!^#.

~Sarah

* And yes, this recommendation did make me feel immediately more assured about my new gig. A man who can appreciate reality television is a man who might enjoy my decidedly silly/snarky/kooky sense of humor, which is bound to come out one way or another. Praise Charlie Sheen (our new version of Tom Cruise)!

The Silver Screen – Literally!

April 8, 2011 at 8:00 am | Posted in Around Boston | 2 Comments
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Before I started my new gig, my gal pal Rhymes-With-Tinny (aka Tirginia) and I went on a Monday Movie Matinee Date (as ladies of leisure – however temporarily, in our case – are wont to do).  We heard about a promotion at our local cinema where movies are just $2, and include popcorn, cookies, soda and coffee.  What a deal!  In fact, it was such a steal that we didn’t even check to see what movie was showing! It didn’t matter: for $2, I’ll try *almost* anything.

We arrived at the theater, bought our tickets and found two seats at the optimal screen-to-face ratio.  We settled in, but when we looked around at our fellow movie-goers, we realized that we were the only folks under 80 in attendance!  No matter: we figured we could sink down low into our seats and avoid attracting attention.   

Nope!  Before the feature presentation began, the usher (also a member of the “sassy seniors club,” as Tinny and I refer to them), welcomed everyone to the “Silver Screen Show,” and then added that he noticed a few new members.  Then he pointed.  At us.  And made us wave. 

So much for blending. 

We had no idea this was a senior citizens event!  No one had said boo about the $4 we paid to get in, no one warned us that we might be a little too young for the event, or even informed us that we would might remind the ENTIRE audience of their grandchildren. 

But we had no choice.  We were there (with our snacks).  We had paid $4, and goshdarnit we were going to enjoy the film!  Whatever it was.  So we smiled and waved and pretended we knew what we were getting into all along.

We tried to mingle with the sprightly seniors around us (some of whom were more chipper than Tinny and I) as we settled in for the show, started munching on our snacks and enjoyed our afternoon movie date: “At War with the Army,” starring Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin. 

All I can say is, “The Navy gets the gravy, but the Army gets the beans!”  And if you don’t know what that means, watch this:

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