Your Reality is a Wonderland: Mob Wives

May 17, 2011 at 8:30 am | Posted in TV (The Boob Tube) | 8 Comments
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Andrew and I are addicted (and I say that with only the healthiest of connotations) to reality television. Lest you begin to fret, I assure you that we aren’t gluttonous about this compulsion, and we only partake in the “klassiest” reality shows. For example, we don’t jones for Jersey Shore or itch for Idol, and we’ve advanced well-past our gateway dabbling in Bridezillas. These days, we yen for the more sophisticated flavor of The Real Housewives (including NY, OC, BH, Miami, and, of course, NJ), and our most recent reality indulgence, VH1’s Mob Wives.

Some photographer caught the Mob Wives at a rare moment... for a change, no one is cussing (or even talking)!

We heard tell of this magical new program from my new boss-man* (with the caveat that, to watch it, you need to be able to handle entire sentences being bleeped out). He was right: Andrew and I are hooked, and the language would make any sailor blush.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of a rendezvous with the wives, here’s a taste to whet your appetite: Mob Wives is a “docu-soap” that follows four women who are “allegedly associated” with the Mob. Basically, their fathers or husbands are in the big house and they’re busy getting into their own kind of trouble on Staten Island, to the delight of viewers like us.

According to my hubs, the only drawback is the theme song: “The Big Bang” by Rock Mafia. Andrew disliked it immediately, but I thought it was kind of catchy (and we both prefer it to the noise of Katy and Kanye’s “E.T.” any day of the week!). Unfortunately VH1 plays it approximately 47 million times each episode, so the chorus, “The big big bang/the reason I’m alive” is perpetually stuck in our heads. Sigh.

If I hear of any other big hits (Get it? Hits? A triple meaning! A hit like when the mob takes someone out, a hit like a popular TV show and a hit like our addiction to the reality format), I’ll keep you posted!

For now, as the wives say, *@#%$! %#$#^*(*@!^#.


* And yes, this recommendation did make me feel immediately more assured about my new gig. A man who can appreciate reality television is a man who might enjoy my decidedly silly/snarky/kooky sense of humor, which is bound to come out one way or another. Praise Charlie Sheen (our new version of Tom Cruise)!

Are you Crazylicious? A Jersey Love Letter

November 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm | Posted in Married Life, TV (The Boob Tube) | 2 Comments
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A few weeks ago, I came home late from work and overheard a woman talking about teasing her hair (“the higher your hair, the closer you are to heaven”) and the power of the smoky eye, so I crept into the living room, ninja-style, to investigate.  It wasn’t another woman; it wasn’t even a cosmetics commercial.  The source of said beauty advice was the Style Network’s “Jerseylicious” – and my husband was watching the reality TV show with rapt attention.

Are you Jerseylicious? How about crazylicious?

If caught watching Jerseylicious, many men would feign ignorance of what was on the screen, or quickly change the channel to ESPN, or even make a lewd comment about only watching the show to gawk at the skanky outfits (of which there are plenty).  Not Andrew.  As soon as he saw me gaping at him (wondering what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks he was watching), he patted the couch cushion next to him and said: “Hon, you gotta watch this!  It’s really dramatic!”

And then he DVR’d the entire series.

Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how deep his love of reality TV ran.  And when I watched the entire series with him, I realized how deep my love runs for him.  Let’s face it: the “reality” show is pretty obviously scripted.  But there I sat, snuggled next to my husband for hours on end, simply wanting to bask in the glow of his enjoyment.

So I guess this post is a kind of love letter to Andrew, because not only is he giving me blog fodder (which, admittedly, has been quieter than I would like lately), but he’s also shown me what an amazing man he is.  He isn’t ashamed of who he is, he doesn’t bow to peer pressure.  He is passionate and silly and has the courage of his convictions, even if those convictions revolve around bad TV, weird taste in movies, and his pledge of allegiance to the WRONG baseball team.  He is kind and funny and brilliant… except when it comes to the idiot box.

The hours (and hours) I’ve spent watching the show haven’t been squandered; as my husband watches the drama unfold, I get to watch him relax, let go of our “real” concerns and simply enjoy a little brain candy.

And who knows, maybe I will pick up the skills to do a killer smoky eye!

Getting My Geek On!

June 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 12 Comments
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I have been called many things over the years, but never a geek.  And until this point in my life, I’ve been okay with that.  In fact (dare I say it?), I’ve even been happy about that.  But here I am, at 30 years old, trying desperately to become geekier.  Why, you ask?  My (now-not-so-new) gig, of course.

I'm gonna need one of these...

In my role as communications ninja, I need to be able to understand the people here.  People who will not be impressed with my obsession with klassy reality TV, or my war stories from wedding planning, or even my silly habit of blaming snarky comments on Tom Cruise.

Basically, I’m way out of my league.  Take, for example, a discussion of “captains.”  These folks can debate which “captain” is best with gusto.  I personally don’t know how you can compare cereal (“Crunch”) with Johnny Depp (“Sparrow”), because they’re both so yummy in very different ways!

But, of course, they mean Kirk v. Picard… Sigh.

So I’m turning to you, dear reader(s), to help me get my geek on!  I’ve been told I should watch Battlestar Galactica and both Star Treks, and even some Doctor Who (anyone have some DVDs I can borrow?).  But what else should I learn?  And is it possible to turn this average dork into a full-fledged geek?


You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Bridezilla…

December 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Posted in Married Life | 2 Comments
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Before we were engaged, Andrew and I made a habit of watching ridiculous reality shows, including one of our personal favorites, Bridezillas. We even made our friends – single, dating, married, life-partnered, undefined – watch all the ludicrous brides with us, and the crazier the antics, the more entertained we were (WE TV, your plan is working!). Seriously, we loved the smashed cakes, the people who were speaking English but still required subtitles during their rants so the audience could understand their harpy shrieks, the brides who shoved deep-fried everything down their bridesmaids’ throats so no one would look prettier or thinner than the bride on the big day – the nuttier, the better, as far as we were concerned.

You see, watching the ‘zillas was all fun and games when we were just dating and there was no jewelry involved. But now, well… let’s just say this could get a little more real for us both, so today on Factinis & Factomelettes, I will make my intentions to my betrothed, my family and friends, known:

I, Sarah Wilderrol, do solemnly swear not to engage in ‘zilla behavior. I will not physically or verbally abuse any vendors including, but not limited to: caterers, aestheticians, musicians, planners/coordinators, photographers and florists. I promise to treat my bridal party with respect, for better or for worse, in sickness and health. I will not imply that slightly different hued linens than I pictured are the end of the world, or that if I don’t get a $15,000 wedding dress, I may as well not get married at all. I vow to always remember that this isn’t about throwing the most spectacular party (though it will be a lot of fun!); rather, it is about celebrating the life Andrew and I will share as husband and wife.

And by that I mean I will do my best… but dear reader(s), when times get tough please cut a girl some slack! You know I loves me some organization, planning and scheming!


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