Photo Phriday: Stars – They’re Just Like Us! Right?!

March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am | Posted in Famous!, Photo Phriday | Leave a comment
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Admission: I love Us Weekly – love it!  I have a subscription and look forward to this brain candy every week, even though I know it’s wrong (but it feels so right…)*.  I love learning intimate details about celebrities’  lives (like Tom Cruise), and trust Us more than any other silly celeb mag on the stands.  But sometimes even I can’t defend some of the features in this pub.

Take, for example, the “Stars – They’re Just Like Us!” section.  Usually the photos include A-listers grocery shopping, drinking coffee and walking their dogs, just like normal people.  But every so often, the mag will publish shots that induce the “bang head here” reaction in me.  A few weeks ago they published this shot of Halle Berry:

Halle Berry and her shoe line

Yeah... Halle and I are going to go over our next season designs together...

If she was just browsing shoes, I’d say “Yeah,that is  just like me!”  I manhandle expensive shoes in stores all the time!  But as the caption points out, she’s adoring her very own shoe line.  Not so much like me… unless I win the Mega Millions $540 million jackpot which, as you all know, is my long-term financial plan!!


* Don’t judge me, dear reader(s) – Judgy Wudgy was a bear… and had no friends to speak of!

Drunk With Power

November 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm | Posted in Famous! | 8 Comments
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I’m about to get Machiavellian, y’all, so watch out!  I’m a little drunk with power and, as Ron Burgundy would say: “I’m kind of a big deal… People know me… I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” Boom!

You may wish to curtsey when you see me!

What’s all the fuss about?

Well, I’m running this show solo from now on, so my rants will no longer be tempered by anyone else.  For better or for worse, I’ve become The Blogtator!*

(dun dun dunnnn!)

It’s all me, all the time, baby!

Watch for some exciting changes to Factinis, and thanks, as always, for your loyalty and support.

But my friends call me Your Royal Blogness


* Yes, I AM gonna register that term, so don’t even try to steal it!

Katy Perry and Kanye West Are Punking Us, Right?

May 2, 2011 at 11:20 am | Posted in Famous! | 6 Comments
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I loves me some pop music!  Frankly, some of the most brain-candy-like of all pop music feels like “paradise,” and yes, I do “need a vacation tonight!” (Holla, Britney!)  But sometimes I just can’t stomach the latest hits.  Take, for example, Katy Perry and Kanye West’s new noise song, “E.T.” which, if you’re feeling particularly patient/brave/masochistic, you can “experience” here:

The artists... need I say more? (Photo from

I rarely hate music, but this one really unnerves me.  Did Kanye West really say “tell me what’s next/alien sex” and “see I abducted you/so I tell you what to do”?  Did Katy (and yes, we are on a first-name basis) really just proclaim “wanna be a victim/ready for abduction” and “wanna feel your powers/stun me with your lasers”?  Really? 

The only conclusion I can make is that they’re trying to punk us.  That they put together the weirdest, most bizarrely objectionable pop song they could come up with to see if people would make it a hit just because of the artists’ overall popularity.  My visceral reaction to “E.T.” is definitely not because I’m getting old and out of touch.  Definitely not. 

Dear reader(s), what do you think?  Am I being a crotchety old stick in the mud?  Am I the alien in this song’s universe of popularity?  Or do you support my contention that “E.T.” is just plain dumb (and kind of rude, too)?


Man Jew of the Year

February 11, 2011 at 11:04 am | Posted in Famous!, Heebs | 4 Comments
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N.B.: Our blog will return to more general (read: snarky) topics soon – please don’t give up on us just because we’re pushing Heb (or “Heeb,” as RWFOTB says is correct) popularity contests lately!

Well, dear reader(s), we’re pleased to report that my future sister-in-law made the first round of Jewish Girl of the Year her b*tch! Holla (or as we Yids say, Challah!).  Now it’s time to vote for Jewish Guy of the Year, and we’ve got a superstar candidate to push on you: my brother! 

Bieber fever's got nothin' on this future Heb of the Year! Just ask the lady in the blue dress behind my broslice...

That’s right, “Spencer G.” is in the running for Man Jew of the Year and we think you should vote for him.  Why?  Well, it’s not because he’s the best candidate and is dedicated to making the world a better place for everyone, particularly victims of genocide (in memory of our grandmother).  It’s because if I’m related to both the prom king and queen of the Jewish people, I’m pretty sure I’ll get some sweet rewards. 

Reservations at a super exclusive, trendy restaurant?  Check.  I’ll just waltz in, say the magical phrase “do you know who I am??” (this time I’ll have something kick ass to follow that up with: I’m the Most Popular Jews’ Sister, fool!!), and instantly kick someone like Tom Cruise or Justin Bieber out of their table. 

Free swag?  You know it!  When the paparazzi follow Rachel C. and Spencer G. around, they’ll see me awkwardly tagging along, messing up all their photos.  And retailers around the world will know what a great product placement opportunity this is! If I’m gonna be in every photo of the couple imaginable, I may as well look hot. Birkin bag? I’ll take two. Diamond and platinum shoes? Bring ’em on. Chopard Super Ice Watch? Doesn’t matter that I can’t tell time on it – I’d rock it anyway.       

So vote for Spencer as Man Jew of the Year and maybe I’ll remember you when I’m famous (by association).

Dos besos,


Jew of the Year

February 3, 2011 at 9:03 am | Posted in Famous!, Heebs | 3 Comments

You may recall that the future sister-in-law of my bloggier half is in the running for Jew of the Year. Amazing, right? However, I hear that she is not in the lead, and there are only a few days left to vote. Now, I’m not blaming any of our faithful readers, because I know you all voted often and early for Rachel Cohen. So who is to blame?

Rachel Cohen.

That’s right, Rachel Cohen, you missed a huge opportunity. You should have hired the Wilderrols as your campaign managers. With a little notice, we could have run a bang-up campaign. We probably wouldn’t have even had to resort to smearing your opponents. Probably.

Picture this: Campaign buttons (Vote Rachel Cohen!) T-shirts (Rachel Cohen: Super-Jew). Phone banking (“Hello kind sir. Have you voted for Rachel Cohen? She truly is Jew of the Year!”). Press releases, speeches, town hall meetings… You get the idea. I don’t want to give away all our secrets for free.

And speaking of payment, we’re a pretty good value. You get all our strategizing and elbow grease for the price of a little matzoh and Manischewitz. Ok, that’s just my fee. Sarah prefers greenbacks. And I’d probably top the matzoh with prosciutto. But did I mention I was a key adviser strategist worker volunteer multi-day laborer on Hilary’s New Hampshire primary campaign? That counts for something, right?

Rachel, I know you’re our most loyal reader. And the Wilderrols believe in you. So next year, please believe in us. Together we can make it happen!


Rachel Cohen: Jew of the Year.

Holy Mackerel – We’re Actually Popular!

January 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm | Posted in Famous! | 1 Comment
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Dear Reader(s):

Today marks a special milestone for us, and it’s all thanks to you! 

We have officially had over 25,000 views to Factinis & Factomelettes since we migrated to WordPress!

So this post is a shout-out to you, our dear reader(s) – which we can now confidently say needs no parentheses around the “s” – for all your encouragement and support and witty comments, and even your lurking!  Thank you!  We adore you! 

Now go enter today’s contest so you can win a fabulous prize from your very popular friends!

~April & Sarah

It's corny but true... we adore you!

Addendum: Sarah Wins A Major Award

December 20, 2010 at 5:14 pm | Posted in Famous! | 4 Comments

Wow!  I’m blown away by the personal messages of congratulations I’ve received for this “major award.”  I’m also blown away by the requests for further photos of said statue… But I can never say no to you, our dear reader(s), so here we go!

For those requesting that I show off my own Thinker pose:

Shhh - we're thinking.

And for those who wondered if Carl had a nice butt, well, there’s something wrong with you, but here’s the crack – you tell me!

For those curious about Carl's butt...


Sarah Wins A Major Award

December 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm | Posted in Famous! | 6 Comments
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Dear Reader(s), are you aware that one of your favorite bloggers (and it isn’t me) is on the same level of greatness as The Thinker? In fact, our very own Sarah is so amazing at her job that she received a statue of The Thinker in recognition of her success on a particular account.

The Thinker

Hmmm... how can I get out of this office?

I’m a little jealous.

I have yet to receive a statue of any sort in recognition of my excellence. HINT HINT!!! But that hasn’t stopped me from imagining all the ways I’d enjoy said award. Even though Sarah claims it is a rather heavy object, I’d still bring it pretty much everywhere I went. You never know when you need proof of your amazing abilities. I mean, not everyone knows who I am, as unbelievable as that is. And instead of telling them who I am, I could just whip out The Thinker. I don’t like to brag.

And what if I want some personal space on the T? Tada! The Thinker to the rescue! He can sit in the seat next to me. Sorry fat guy in a filthy Santa costume reeking of beef and cheese, this seat is taken.

Sometimes I get lonely. Who better to chat with than The Thinker? Just look at him. Clearly he’s not only intently listening to my every word, but he’s contemplating what I have to say. He’s very wise.

But these are just a couple of the many ways The Thinker and I would have fun. Reader(s), what would you do with your own The Thinker statue? For some reason, Sarah seems to think it is perfectly acceptable to leave it on her desk. I’m not buying her excuse that the statue is too heavy to carry around. Let’s give her some ideas!


Secret Crush Revealed

December 2, 2010 at 12:24 pm | Posted in Famous! | 3 Comments
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Last weekend I attended Andrew’s high school reunion. He got to catch up with friends, relive the good ol’ days and cavort with long-lost buddies like he was a teenager again, while I got to hang with the significant others/designated drivers/trophy dates for five plus hours (which was actually more fun than it sounds – despite the fact that we were stone cold sober).

I didn’t expect the evening to be extraordinary by any stretch. And yet, for some reason, I chose his reunion to reveal my super secret crush to a table full of strangers. And since I’ve already outed myself to people I may not see again until the 20 year reunion (if we’re lucky enough to hang on to our s.o.’s for another decade), I figure it is only fair to you, dear reader(s), to share the naked truth with you, too:

Love may be blind, but it is NOT deaf!

I have a (formerly secret) crush on Kai Ryssdal. There. I said it. I get all (intellectually) hot and bothered by the host of American Public Media’s “Marketplace.” Seriously, Mr. Ryssdal is my cool drink of water. I’m a smitten kitten.  Hello schoolgirl crush!

And here’s the kicker: I’m so enamored of his voice, his charm, his wit (scripted or otherwise… admittedly “Marketplace” has great writers) that I have refused the urge to look up a photo of him. I don’t have any idea what he looks like… And dare I say it? I don’t care!

I’m recently married and head over heels in love with Andrew – and nothing could change that. But for some reason, Kai makes me swoon… When he “does the numbers” I get weak in the knees. I’m not usually a financially nerdy gal, but every weekday at 6:30 p.m…. well, let’s just say my commute gets a little brighter.

Don’t you judge me! I know you all have secret bizarro crushes, too.  We already know about April’s hubby’s crush.  What’s yours?


Tear it Like Beckham

March 15, 2010 at 10:23 am | Posted in Around Boston, Famous! | 3 Comments
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My bloggier conspirator limped around for almost a week before finally seeking medical advice and learning she somehow tore her Achilles tendon after last weekend’s wrestling extravaganza.  Sarah is now reduced to encasing the entire lower half of her left leg in a plastic aircast boot.  Here she is rocking the latest in footwear fashions:

Sarah's Sexy New Accessory!


 But lest you feel too sorry for her, please know she has excellent company in her tragedy.  The one, the only, Mr. David Beckham has also torn his Achilles tendon.  Sadly, Golden Balls is out of the World Cup, but he has endeared himself in Sarah’s heart.


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