Crickets…

December 5, 2013 at 3:23 pm | Posted in Office Humor | Leave a comment
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Have you ever asked a question, gotten NO response, and said you’re hearing “crickets”?  Well, my colleagues’ and my self-esteem has hit an all-time low because we hear crickets ALL DAY LONG.  It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, who we ask, or what we need.  We get crickets.

Literally. 

<Crickets>

Take a listen…

They claim it’s the HVAC system, but I think it’s a not-so-subtle hint.

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Photo Phriday: Game of Thrones

November 9, 2012 at 9:24 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor, Photo Phriday | 2 Comments
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Today’s Photo Phriday gem is brought to us by one of my colleagues at Dark Water Fowl.  As he pulled into our office parking garage this week, he had no idea he was entering a throne room!

Witness:

Toilets on parade

As he said, these porcelain soldiers were lined up and ready for battle!

You could get lost among all those loos…

Water closet?  Try water garage…

<Insert more potty humor here>

Pregnancy, Part One

September 24, 2012 at 1:59 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor, Pregnancy Fun Time | 8 Comments
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As you know, I’m fairly open about sharing news and life milestones, but for some reason, I felt REALLY awkward telling people about my pregnancy when it was time to share it.  Has any other mom-to-be felt this way?  Am I the only who couldn’t quite figure out a way to let people know?  Or who was content with people eventually figuring out that my belly was more baby than brownies (for a change) without my having to say it out loud?

Let’s just say I wasn’t quick to post ultrasound photos to Facebook… (“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”)

But now that my pregnancy is “Facebook official” (thanks, mom!), I can blog about it freely and share my experiences thus far with a bun in my oven (icky expression).  Andrew and I are SO excited to be parents (g-d willing), but as you can imagine, there’s been a fair amount of awkwardness over these past 16 weeks, too.  Here’s a slice of the silly aspects of pregnancy thus far…

In the Dark with Morning Sickness

Because I work at a software company, the ratio of men to women is pretty skewed, so, despite the four stalls, the ladies room often feels like a private potty.  The plus side of that is, mid-first trimester when I spent a fair amount of time hovering over the porcelain throne, I could bank on being alone in there and easily hiding whenever I had to toss my cookies in the office bathroom.

However, this privacy also had a downside.  In an effort to save energy, the bathroom lights are on sensors, and after a few minutes without detecting movement, the lights shut off.  No windows, no night lights – it is pitch black in there when the overheads are off.  I can’t even begin to tell you how awkward it is to be locked in a bathroom stall in absolute darkness, on the verge of ralphing, praying you don’t miss the toilet while trying not to touch anything!

It should have been an event in London – I’d have won Olympic gold!


The Three Little Bricks and The Big Bad Microburst

July 25, 2012 at 8:24 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | Leave a comment
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My dear Factinis readers:

Today’s post is a special treat for me because my friend (and reliable Factinis commenter) Erika will be occupying my usual soap box!  So, in addition to helping with content (of which I’ve been embarrassingly negligent of late), she’s also making me feel better about my own life!  Let’s face it: a lot of crazy stuff happens to me, and knowing that it happens to other people, too, makes me feel a little more normal.  Or at least like there’s a community of abnormality out there that I’m a part of…  So without further ado, I give you Erika’s true tale of commuting madness!

I should start this guest post as my hostess so often does, with a snapshot into my life at work. I have on my desk, along with a pink feather boa, a plastic dinosaur and a veritable rainbow of fuzzy craft bears, a plastic model of the Weinermobile. While all these objects have stories behind them, I blame office gossip for the Weinermobile. You know how these things happen, right? A perfectly innocent event gets warped by the rumor mill and suddenly everyone at work wants to know how you got into a car accident with the Weinermobile.

oscar mayer weinermobile

The perfect desk accessory?

I didn’t. Yes, it was a car accident, and yes, it did involve processed meat, but it wasn’t nearly so dramatic as it sounds. A simple rear-ending by a sausage truck is all. I tell you this for two reasons. One, because I know you’re all mature enough not to snicker by the imagery of sausages and rear ends, and two, because it sets a nice context for what happened eight years later. A.k.a. last week.

Picture if you will a lovely summer evening in a town just north of Boston. And then, just as you’re settling in to enjoy the story, strolling down the country lane (okay, it was a major commuting route) on your way to meet your wife for dinner at your favorite Indian restaurant, imagine yourself up to your knees in water, suddenly caught in a dramatic torrent of wind and rain complete with downed trees and sizzling power lines. Do you panic? Of course not! This is all well and good because your clothes probably needed a wash anyway and hopping fallen branches while trying to dodge the falling sparks from the urban jungle above is kind of like a video game. And who doesn’t love a good video game at the end of a long hard day at work?

I hope you didn’t think that was a rhetorical question. The answer, as it turns out, is “my trusty steed.” Apparently my being drenched, nearly swept away by wind and rain and narrowly avoiding electrocution wasn’t enough for Mother Nature. No, she looked down on me, released a cackle of thunder, and said to herself, “I’d better get her car involved too.” So, when my wife and I went to the nearby parking lot to retrieve a bag from the vehicle, we discovered a pile of bricks surrounding it. Unlike similar scenes in Super Mario World, however, there were no gold coins or feathers of invisibility or extra lives awaiting us. Just a crowd of people staring up amazedly at a hole on the roof of the jewelry shop. Yes indeed, microbursts are all fun and games until someone loses a windshield from a falling chimney.

To be honest, I’m not sure if the odds are better for falling chimneys than for rogue sausage trucks, but either way, I’m concerned about what’s going to show up on my desk once my co-workers get wind of this. So to speak.

So what say you, dear reader(s), what WILL show up on our guest blogger Erika’s desk in the weeks to come? A big bad wolf, huffing and puffing? A wind-up Dick Van Dyke doll that sings a certain tune from Mary Poppins? Santa Claus with a little gray rain cloud over his head? We can only guess… but I’m sure she’ll report back with the answer!

Photo Phriday: Of All the Starches in the World…

June 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm | Posted in Around Boston, In The Kitchen, Office Humor, Photo Phriday | 4 Comments
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Mmm, culinary awkwardness!  Today’s Photo Phriday is compliments of the usually-on-task café in Dark Water Fowl’s office building.  Notice anything odd?

This pairing just ain’t kosher…

How about a nice pilaf?

Of all the starches in the world, why they chose Israeli Cous Cous to pair with pork is beyond me!

Just for Manly Men?

June 6, 2012 at 9:50 am | Posted in Misc., Office Humor | 2 Comments
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As someone who has been highlighting and dying my hair for nearly two decades (no one is perfect – I was meant to be blond, not a deep brunette), I feel I’m qualified to comment on “follicle hue manipulation.”  When my girlfriends – or even random gals; I rarely hold back when it comes to complements – are looking particularly hair-model-fabulous, I make a point of saying so!  Lately, however, I’m at a loss on whether to complement, or even acknowledge, these color changes. 

Is there a chapter in the Man Code about dying your hair?

Why?  Because more and more often, it’s men who have been updating their do’s!  Those “Just for Men” commercials aren’t lying (for better or worse), and men throughout my tangential social and professional circles have jumped on the colorist bandwagon – even those who used to object to the amount of money people spend on “staying young” and preserving their looks!

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not judging.  Far be it from me to look down on hair dyers.  (Okay, okay – sometimes when the dye job is really bad or really obvious, I do judge – but it’s not gender-dependent!).  It’s just that when I say “I love your hair color” to a chick, she’ll take it as a compliment, but older dudes trying to deny the aging process by adopting metrosexual trends of focusing on cosmetic updates after decades of trying to convince us and themselves that they look distinguished with gray hair?  Well, I’m at a loss. 

I don’t want to embarrass anyone by calling out the change, but I also don’t want to seem insensitive by not mentioning anything at all (because you know that when we ladies get salon treatments, you had BEST complement it!).

What’s a detail-oriented gal to do?

Naturally blond on the inside (no jokes, please),

Sarah

Diet Update: The Gods Must Be Cruel

February 13, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Posted in In The Kitchen, Office Humor | Leave a comment
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The first two weeks of The Great HindJew Pact were a success!  Dipika and I ate healthy foods in moderation, worked out three times each week and felt accomplished and proud.  And then I got the plague (okay, okay, it is just a never-ending cold/cough/sniffles-fest), work got insanely busy, and employees the world over flocked – excuse the pun – to Dark Water Fowl’s office, where we had to play hostesses with the mostesses (read: go out for dinner and drinks more often than I care to admit).  It was a healthy-living disaster, and when we stepped on our respective scales this weekend, we knew we had sinned.  A lot.

So this morning we rededicated ourselves to the cause.  We brought healthy foods in appropriate portions to sustain us during the day, we planned our weekly workout schedule and we gave each other pep talks.  We started feeling better about ourselves again…

Gah! Girl Scout Cookies are the tools of the devil! (Image courtesy of http://icansing.blogspot.com/)

And then we realized it is Girl Scout Cookie delivery day and we are surrounded by colorful boxes of these tempting treats.  And the worst part is, the branding makes us think it’s okay to practically inhale them a box at a time!

I mean, they’re called Thin Mints and Caramel deLites® (aka Samoas®), which is so unfair, and probably false advertising!  Let’s face it, there’s nothing “lite” about them, and they sure aren’t going to make me thin! 

If I had to identify the silver lining I would say this is a great opportunity to prove that we do, in fact, have willpower.  That we can show ourselves that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.  And blah blah blah.

Just get the Tagalongs® outta my sight before someone gets hurt!

Goodbye, Batphone!

January 31, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Posted in Misc., Office Humor | 4 Comments
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I work at a technology company and pride myself on my technological prowess (well, maybe “prowess” is too strong, but I’m savvy, at least!).  And yet, for years I have been carrying around an old, clunky cell phone in addition to my smartphone.  Witness:

I admit it looks really silly to have both a sleek, modern phone and a circa 2002 clunker.  But it was all because of my parents (also known as “Sarah’s Mo” and “RWFOTB”)!!

Well, that’s not exactly true… what is true is that the ancient cell phone was like the Batphone to me.  My folks were pretty much the only ones who called it, so it was like their exclusive way to reach me (not to mention a local number for them).  It was my tie to my younger years, my link to a simpler time when phones just rang – no games, no interwebs, no email, just good old-fashioned talking (and a small amount of texting). It is also the most reliable piece of technology I’ve ever owned.  After 10 years, it still works like a charm (and has better reception than my droid, just saying).

But it also made me feel foolish.  Why waste money on a second cell phone, especially one that’s so outdated it’s almost cool again (give it another 20 years and it’ll be a collector’s item; until then it will live in my basement)?  And why carry that thing around and look like I’m the kind of person who still calls it the “world wide web” or the “information superhighway” when I’m really a super hip technology geek?

The answer is clear: it’s time to say goodbye to my soon-to-be-vintage flip phone.  It has been decommissioned, made redundant and disconnected.  I am now a one phone gal.  And I imagine this is kind of what Bruce Wayne felt like when he finally hung up the Batsuit.

I feel ya, Batman!

Photo Phriday: Your Rabbi Is Delicious!

January 13, 2012 at 9:23 am | Posted in In The Kitchen, Office Humor | 2 Comments
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Everyone knows Jews are excellent cooks.  Latkes (goys say potato pancakes) are little fried pillows of heaven, brisket (southerners smoke it, but we make it saucy!) is practically an institution, and matzo ball soup is not only yummy, but also good for what ails ya.

Being a fairly experienced yid, I thought I was familiar with almost every heeb delicacy, but apparently I was wrong.  I have never, in my thirty-something years on G-d’s green Earth, seen, tasted or heard tell of “Broccoli Rabbi.”  But apparently I’ve been missing out.  Witness:

Menu Misspelling

I prefer Carrot Rabbi!

Sounds… umm… tasty?

P.S. Apparently another Jewish delicacy is also on this odd menu – sort of.  Pastromi?  Really?
It’s pastrami, fools.
Amen!

It’s Like We Kissed

January 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Posted in Office Humor | 4 Comments
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Welcome to 2012, dear reader(s)!  Today hasn’t been an easy day for most of us.  I’m sure you all know what I mean: just getting out of bed took a herculean effort, and trying to get back into the swing of things at work?  Well, let’s just say it’s going to take a while.

I had high hopes for 2012, I really did.  This was gonna be my year!  The year when my house became a home, when my job became less “OMG!” and turned into more “FTW,” the year when I finally became a grown-up and stopped making ridiculous mistakes.

It’s January 3 and I’ve already disappointed myself by doing something dumb.  I was in a meeting in Dark Water Fowl’s legal eagle’s office this afternoon and took a sip of water.  From his water glass.  I didn’t realize what I was doing until I finished about half the cup!  And then it hit me, and I didn’t know what to do.

Try as I might, I could barely focus on the “Ts and Cs,” as lawyer-types refer to them, we were discussing.  Instead, I was trying to figure out what to do: admit that I had inadvertently hydrated myself on his water?  Or pretend I didn’t notice and everything was normal and fine and that I hadn’t just co-mingled cooties?  What would a grown-up do?!?!

I left the meeting without acknowledging my faux pas, and I left his half-drunk cup of water on his desk, complete with my Chapstick lip imprint.

When I returned to my desk, I told my colleagues what I had done, and they couldn’t help but tease me.  “It’s like you kissed!” cried one; “That was CLASSIC!” chortled the other.  I was mortified.  But I figured that grown-ups always admit their mistakes, so I had to march back into his office and fess up.

As I shared my little blunder, I noticed he was making a disgusted face.  Great, I thought, he’s totally grossed out!  He probably thinks I have some horrific communicable disease.

But I was wrong.

“You drank that?!” he exclaimed.  “That cup of water has been sitting on my desk since before Christmas!  That’s disgusting!”

Cheers, dear reader(s).

And Happy New Year!

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