Caption Contest: Bathroom Instructions

November 29, 2010 at 2:22 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments
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It’s Contest Day at Factinis & Factomelettes!  This little gem was submitted by my funtastic colleague, Big D*, who encountered the following pictogram in the bathroom of a MegaBus.  But like us, she has NO idea what this means…

 

What does this mean???

 

Take a break from your Cyber-Monday shopping… errr… I mean… hard work… and submit your best caption.  There’s a fabulous prize awaiting our caption contest winner!

Big D’s entry is: Don’t pee on sleeping men on the toilet.

Tough to beat… but give it your best shot!

~Sarah

 

*Don’t let the name fool you – Big D is one hot little number!

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‘Tis the Season

November 23, 2010 at 4:03 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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Well, dear reader(s), here we go again…

It’s time for me to make my second ever xmas list and once again, I find myself woefully unprepared.  I could blame my cultural heritage for my inability to make a kickin’ Christmas gift list, but even I admit that’s a little far-fetched: I mean, a gal who grew up with eight crazy nights of (mostly reasonable) presents shouldn’t have trouble making a Most Wanted List for one day of excessive giving.  But alas, I’m drawing a blank, and seem to be foiled at every turn.

 

I better be on that list, Santa! I'm a Heb but I've been very nice this year!

Normally I would be able to turn to my partner-in-crime for assistance, but she has her hands full with a brand new little nugget, and apparently my list is not her top priority. I can’t imagine why.

 

And, you may not know this since I’ve kept it pretty hush-hush, but I recently got married (surprise!) and was lucky enough to receive almost everything on my registry, so I’m certainly not hurtin’ for tchotchkes. No home goods needed for this gal.

Even though Andrew’s family has known me for more years than I have fingers on one hand, I still don’t think they’d be jazzed to contribute to my As Seen on TV addiction by getting me something ridiculous like the Better Marriage Blanket, and you know I’m not down with bizarre Elf on the Shelf nonsense, so crazy/silly gifts are out of the question, too.

I’ve already been offered bizarre and probably illegal gifts from a certain Mr. Vlad Bad, so that’s out, and it seems that somewhere along the line I grew up and don’t clamor for the hottest toy any more. In fact, I don’t even know what the hottest toy IS this year!

So I’m turning to you, dear reader(s): can you help me make my list?

Desperately Seeking Gifts,

Sarah

Birthday Shout-Out: Rhymes-With-Mathy

November 21, 2010 at 5:01 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
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Even Minnie Mouse wants to celebrate Mathy's birthday!

Today is my schmom-in-law’s birthday, and even though we can’t be in CT to celebrate with her, I fully intend to eat something sweet in her honor!  Why?  Because birthday calories don’t count. 

And because she’s one of the most thoughtful, kind-hearted, inspirational and loving gals I know – and if anyone deserves a cake, it’s Momma-Mathy!!

Here’s to you, Rhymes-with-Mathy!  Happy Birthday!  We love you!

Like, Bring Back the Quarter Jar

November 15, 2010 at 10:12 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments
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When I was a teenager, my dad (you know him as RWFOTB… Although now that I’m hitched, I wonder: does he need a new nickname? A question for another time…) was a relatively patient and easy-going parent, with one glaring exception: improper use of the word “like.”

You know what I’m referring to: it’s like, when you, like, use the word like incorrectly. You know, using it as, like, a way to pause mid-sentence (or even, like, mid-phrase) or when it, like, attributes speech to someone.

The Dreaded Quarter Jar...

To put the kibosh on this habit, my dad introduced the dreaded “quarter jar.”  Every time we used “like” improperly, my brother and I (and even some of our friends) had to deposit 25 cents into the jar.  It hurt.  And let me tell you, it helped me shape up really quickly!

A few weeks ago my dad noticed I was slipping, and even though I’m now a happily married lady living under my own roof, he’s threatening to bring the jar back!

In fact, he’s probably, like, having a grammar-fit just reading this post! And he is most definitely adding up my total. Even though I’m, like, just using the phrase in jest.

So I’m going to ask for your help, dear reader(s): if you hear me use that word improperly, call me out.  Use the Cesar Millan noise on me… shake your fist at me… slug me on the arm… find some way to help me rid my speech of inappropriate uses of “like!”  I can’t spend all our honeymoon savings in the dreaded quarter jar!

~Sarah

I Quit!

November 9, 2010 at 9:20 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments
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I can hardly wait to utter those words! You see, I’ve been working my tail off to make ends meet (okay, it’s not that dire, but I’m certainly not rolling in it) for years now and honestly, I’m getting pretty tired of it.

Unfortunately I married for love, not money, so that solution is out. I seriously doubt I have a mysterious relative I’ve never even met who has decided to leave me boatloads of money when he passes away. And goodness knows I’m not raking in the cash at my job, so I have to continue working ad infinitum. The whole thing seemed fairly hopeless… until yesterday.

Who needs luck when I have Tzarina?

You see, my gal Rhymes-with-Tzarina is on an adventure in Japan this week, and she’s going to be the key to our financial liberation. How, you may ask? Well, dear reader(s), in Japan, it’s already tomorrow!

Which means it’s practically like she time-traveled.

Which means she is in the future.

Which means she can tell me what happened in the past.

Which means she’s gonna give me the inside scoop on some lucky numbers!

Here’s the plan: I’ll buy “the” lotto ticket today and be a new-money-goddess by Wednesday! Then Tzarina and I will split the winnings. Flawless!

So if you want me to be generous once I’m made in the shade, now’s the time to break out in dance to the Sycophant Shuffle!

~Sarah

Why I Love NY: Reason #457

November 3, 2010 at 8:15 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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There are a lot of things to love about New York State.  The I Heart NY slogan didn’t come from nowhere.  From the apple orchards and cheese makers to the plethora of wine trails to the Adirondacks to the Big Apple and everything in between, there’s a lot to love.

But it’s really the people who make my home state so special.  Where else can this guy get on the ballot for governor?  Sure, he was a total fringe candidate.  And yes, he only garnered 1% of the vote.  But that’s still 39,850 New Yorkers who voted for him.  And he didn’t even need your vote.  But my fellow New Yorkers voted for him anyway.  Because you know what?  The rent is too damn high.

And that’s not the only fantastic part about yesterday’s election.  We also elected Andrew Cuomo governor of the Empire State.  Which is super.  But even more super?  Standing right behind him on the podium as he gave his acceptance speech was longtime live-in galpal Sandra Lee.  I, for one, cannot wait to hear about the first Semi-Homemade governor’s ball.  Think she’ll serve melk and expresso for cocktail time?

~April

Scary… err, Happy Election Day

November 2, 2010 at 7:48 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Apparently this is literally the closest Halloween and Election Day can get to each other.  Just goes to show you how scary politics can be sometimes!  With this in mind, our intrepid Factinis & Factomelettes correspondents, “Sarah’s Mo” and “RWFOTB,” found an appropriately (and extravagantly) decorated home.

See below for West Hartford’s own Halloween Tea Party!

Can the economy really rest in peace?

Is this what happened to McCain/Palin voters?

Welcome to the Tea Party… and is that Clinton as the rabbit with a BP oil can?

And can anyone explain what happened to Obama?

Now get out there and vote… or else!

Birthday Shoutout: Boo!

November 1, 2010 at 8:22 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

As some of you may know, Halloween is my dad’s birthday.  So Halloween is kind of a big deal in my family.  Sadly, the coffin did not make an appearance this year.  And none of us adults dressed up.  Although my 16-year-old brother (that’s right, 16!) and his friends put on costumes and went trick-or-treating.  And you all need to know that my brother wore the costume I wore to a party when I was pregnant with Max.

Hoodles, we still celebrated in style.  So how, you may be wondering, do you celebrate a Halloween birthday?  So glad you asked.  We marched with Max in my parents’ neighborhood Halloween parade.  The Bills made sure to not defeat the Chiefs — wouldn’t want too much excitement for the birthday boy!  And Mike and I graciously allowed my parents to take Max trick-or-treating.  In a slushy snow/sleet/rain mix.  Oh, and I made my dad a yummy Chocolate Walnut Tart.  Because nothing says “Happy Birthday!” to possibly the only person in the world with a bigger sweet tooth than mine like  a homemade chocolate confection.

Happy Birthday, Daddums!!!  You better guard your desserts well… I may be in the neighborhood later…

~April

BlackBerry Says What?

October 28, 2010 at 7:41 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Beware: I sail under this flag with my swashbucklin' crew... Arrr!

Like so many others, I am addicted to my “CrackBerry.” But sometimes it gets a little pushy and overbearing, particularly when it is spell-checking my emails!

For example, here’s an email I *almost* sent to my partner in crime last Friday evening:

Hi April,

Happy weekend! This afternoon the Makers threw me a surprise bray party – complete w/chocolate pH ice cream cake and Guineas! You would’ve loved it 🙂

Okay, onto the serious shining: Resolution Be Better Loggers (bib: I guess it’s the “Beyond” in Bed, Bath and…)! If you can take Mind and Wed, I can take Tues and Thugs, and we have a reader-submitted pig for Photo Variety. Gay! A full week of blockage! Sound double?

~Surge

Here’s what I actually wrote *before* the Blackberry got a hold of it:

Hi April,

Happy weekend! This afternoon the MoCo’ers threw me a surprise bday party – complete with chocolate pb ice cream cake and Guinness! You would’ve loved it 🙂

Okay, onto the serious shiznit: Resolution Be Better Bloggers (BBB: I guess it’s the “Beyond” in Bed, Bath and…)! If you can take Mon and Wed, I can take Tues and Thurs, and we have a reader-submitted pic for Photo Phriday. Yay! A full week of bloggage! Sound doable?

~Sarge

The lessons?

1) Misspellings aren’t always the lesser of two evils.

2) BlackBerry’s aren’t the boss of me.

3) And “Yay” is a word, damn it!

~Sarah

Along Came A Spider

October 27, 2010 at 7:15 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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One recent-ish night, I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, when out of the corner of my eye I saw something drop rather quickly from the ceiling of my shower.  I turned my head in time to witness a spider zipping back up its, um, whatever you call that stuff spiders make their webs out of.  Let’s just say it was racing back up to the ceiling from whence it came.

“Listen, pal,” I said to it.  “My bathroom is not the place for extreme sports. Try next door.”

But that darn spider wouldn’t leave.  In fact, I’m fairly certain it gave me the finger.

Ordinarily I would have forced Mike to give that spider a tour of our plumbing via the toilet.  But he wasn’t home.  And I wasn’t about to let that spider hang out until Mike got home.  What if the spider wasn’t there anymore?  Some people might think that would be a good thing.  But I know that would just mean the spider was loose in my house.  It could be anywhere.  Anywhere.

So I did the only thing I could think of.  I called Sarah.  She advised that I get my vacuum cleaner.  But my vacuum cleaner was on the first floor and I was on the second, so I had to tell that spider to hang tight for a minute.  I wasn’t at all confident that it would listen, but it did.  And then I had to vacuum it up.  It was not the itsy bitsy spider.  This guy was large enough to shake a fist or two in my direction when I swore at it right before turning on the vacuum.  And poor Sarah had me screaming in her ear the entire time I ran the vacuum.  Because you have to let the vacuum run for a couple minutes after sucking up a bug.  Just to be sure.

And that’s why Sarah is kind of my hero.  Because she was genuinely concerned about my fate when I called her.  And she didn’t tell me to suck it up and be a big girl.  And because without her, that spider might still be bungee jumping in my shower.

~April

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