Your Reality is a Wonderland: Mob Wives

May 17, 2011 at 8:30 am | Posted in TV (The Boob Tube) | 8 Comments
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Andrew and I are addicted (and I say that with only the healthiest of connotations) to reality television. Lest you begin to fret, I assure you that we aren’t gluttonous about this compulsion, and we only partake in the “klassiest” reality shows. For example, we don’t jones for Jersey Shore or itch for Idol, and we’ve advanced well-past our gateway dabbling in Bridezillas. These days, we yen for the more sophisticated flavor of The Real Housewives (including NY, OC, BH, Miami, and, of course, NJ), and our most recent reality indulgence, VH1’s Mob Wives.

Some photographer caught the Mob Wives at a rare moment... for a change, no one is cussing (or even talking)!

We heard tell of this magical new program from my new boss-man* (with the caveat that, to watch it, you need to be able to handle entire sentences being bleeped out). He was right: Andrew and I are hooked, and the language would make any sailor blush.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of a rendezvous with the wives, here’s a taste to whet your appetite: Mob Wives is a “docu-soap” that follows four women who are “allegedly associated” with the Mob. Basically, their fathers or husbands are in the big house and they’re busy getting into their own kind of trouble on Staten Island, to the delight of viewers like us.

According to my hubs, the only drawback is the theme song: “The Big Bang” by Rock Mafia. Andrew disliked it immediately, but I thought it was kind of catchy (and we both prefer it to the noise of Katy and Kanye’s “E.T.” any day of the week!). Unfortunately VH1 plays it approximately 47 million times each episode, so the chorus, “The big big bang/the reason I’m alive” is perpetually stuck in our heads. Sigh.

If I hear of any other big hits (Get it? Hits? A triple meaning! A hit like when the mob takes someone out, a hit like a popular TV show and a hit like our addiction to the reality format), I’ll keep you posted!

For now, as the wives say, *@#%$! %#$#^*(*@!^#.

~Sarah

* And yes, this recommendation did make me feel immediately more assured about my new gig. A man who can appreciate reality television is a man who might enjoy my decidedly silly/snarky/kooky sense of humor, which is bound to come out one way or another. Praise Charlie Sheen (our new version of Tom Cruise)!

Wedding Q&A

October 14, 2010 at 8:12 am | Posted in Married Life | 11 Comments
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Thank you all for your support and advice over the past few months. You, dear reader(s), helped calm my nerves and gave me the practical advice that helped make our wedding day such a memorable, fun, stress-free one! Today I will use this platform to answer your questions about 10/10/10 – and if I missed any, feel free to ask.

 

Are you planning to take Andrew’s name or will you keep the Wilderrol surname?

I have decided to legally change my name, so I will become Mrs. L-ski (whenever I get around to making the switch), but I won’t be offended if you wish to continue using my “maiden” name.

I heard a rumor that you wore tacky red sneakers to your own wedding. Is that true?

No. I wore these sophisticated beauties during the ceremony:

Stylin' Weddin' Shoes

And these adorable red tennies during the reception:

Comfy and coordinated!

They match the color scheme – ergo the sneaks weren’t tacky. 

Did Andrew follow-through on his threat to put cake on your face?

Open wide... airplane is coming in for a landing!

Nope, happily he respected my wishes… and/or did a quick little calculation about the amount of alone time we would have that night (since the Yankees swept, we had NO distractions – except for the hour it took to take my hair down) and figured it would be best if I wasn’t feeling harpy-tastic and ready exact revenge for the rest of our days. He politely fed me a dollop of icing…after he made it swoop around like an “airplane” (say aaah) toward my mouth. 

What did you two end up giving each other as wedding day gifts?

We managed to find each other superb gifts to exchange on our big day, if we do say so ourselves! Since we aren’t taking our honeymoon until next spring, Andrew gifted me a “mini-moon” so we could enjoy a weekend away together this fall. I gave him cuff links made from baseballs used in a Yankees game so he could walk down the aisle with a little pinstripe-pizzazz in his step – and they even matched our decor!

Did nature cooperate?

Yes! In fact, not only did Momma N. cooperate by providing gorgeous weather and stunning foliage, but apparently she also endorsed our union and sent a cute little chipmunk messenger to witness our ceremony and stand at the chuppah with us! Did anyone get a photo of the unexpected wedding guest? If so, please share it!

You had some anxiety about wearing a poufy white dress – was it more fun than you anticipated?

Taking a Mulligan on bustling my wedding gown...

Yes! I loved my dress and it was not even close to being the taffeta-torture I once envisioned. I only had two issues with it:

1) I needed a chaperone to use the loo! Mid-way through the day I could hold it no longer, but I couldn’t find my mom or my ‘maids! What was a bride to do? Grab my best neighbor, Rhymes-With-Tinny, and high-tail it to the bridal suite where we took our relationship to a more intimate level. Frankly, I only dared venture to the WC once because it was such a production!

2) A minor wardrobe malfunction about 2/3 of the way through the day included part of my dress un-bustling (de-bustling?). Luckily my stylists were there to help and we re-bustled it right in the middle of the reception.

It was a magical day and a perfect way to begin the next stage in our relationship! Thanks, everyone!

~ Mrs. L-ski

Let’s Go… Yankees?

October 6, 2010 at 8:54 pm | Posted in Around Boston | 5 Comments
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This is a painful blog post. In fact, this is a truly painful night for yours truly. For those of you unfamiliar with the ALDS (that’s baseball, kids), my beloved Red Sox are donezo for the season, and Andrew’s Yankees are currently playing the Twins.

Normally I’d be rooting for the Twins; not merely to avoid giving Andrew the satisfaction of hearing me support his little pin-striped squad, but also because I like the Twins and have fond memories of watching them play often during a summer spent in the Twin Cities.
 
But tonight is no normal night. With our wedding just four days away, I’m faced with a serious problem: there’s a chance that there will be a Yankees game on our wedding night, and I don’t really want to know what Andrew would do if given the dilemma of me v. Yankees.
 
So what’s a girl to do? Root for a sweep! I would love to see the Twins shut the Yankees down, but I know that such a situation would make for an extremely irritable groom-to-be, and with all the other stuff on our plates right now, we both need to be on our best behavior.
 
So here I am with a very traumatic confession: I’m rooting for the Yankees to sweep the ALDS. 
 
And it hurts.
 
~Sarah
 
PS As I write this it is the top of the fourth, 3-0 Twins, and Andrew is verging on groomzilla already…

The Car Gods are Cruel

September 23, 2010 at 8:44 am | Posted in Around Boston | 6 Comments
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Also known as “Stressed Bride, Dead Chariot Part Tres” 

Is that a lemon I smell?

 

Well, dear reader(s), I’m afraid the car saga continues. Are you tired of hearing about this situation yet? Because I’m sure tired of living it, and I therefore promise this update will be brief (and bullet pointed – ooh la la).
 
Here’s the latest… 

  • Picked up my newly repaired car from the dealership and took it out for a joy ride (read: to run some necessary errands).
  • Parked it temporarily on the street while I went about my business.
  • Returned a few hours later to find that the darn thing died again! Again!! That’s the second time in less than one week that my brand new set of wheels conked out on me.
  • Called Andrew to rescue me.
  • Called the dealership to rhymes-with-witch about it (yes, I let my Bridezilla out) and demand they give me another courtesy vehicle that night (sadly, no “Call Me”-mobile this time).  And I was, as Andrew says, “in a hoof” while I waited two hours for the tow truck.
  • Called my parents, emailed my MOH and my bloggier half to vent my growing frustration.
  • Tow truck jump-started the car so I could drive it to the dealership (and avoid the towing fee).  Andrew followed behind the entire way in case the darn thing died again en route.
  • Arrived at the dealership. The dealership manager asked where the tow truck was.  I said that we were able to jump-start the car.  His response: “Oh, then everything is okay with your car now.”

Ummm, no.  My six-day old car had to be jump-started after it was supposedly fixed – nothing about this situation is “okay,” mister. 
 
And this is the part that’s really unbelievable: last night when Andrew was coming home from class, his car’s check engine light started flashing…  

Gah! 

~Sarah

A Stressed Bride’s New Chariot Bites the Dust

September 20, 2010 at 9:23 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments
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I got a super fly new car last week.  I’m talkin’ Bluetooth, iPod docking station, steering wheel controls, intelligent key (which means it never leaves my purse – not to unlock doors, open the trunk, start the car, etc), a sleek spoiler and sporty alloy wheels.  I fell for it immediately.  I couldn’t stop caressing it; I had a bad case of verbal diarrhea; I volunteered to drive everywhere; I was, in a word, obsessed.

Until yesterday, when my car crush turned to pure, unadulterated rage.

The future-hubs and I were in CT for fasting-tastic Yom Kippur.  We planned to head back to Beantown around 10:30 a.m. to tackle some of the innumerable tasks on our wedding to do list, go grocery shopping (shameful admission: we haven’t been to the store in nearly a month), do homework and chores, etc.  The only problem?  My new chariot wouldn’t start.  My BRAND NEW, less-than-five-days-old, hadn’t-even-been-named car was dead.  Deceased.  Pushing up daisies.  It bought the farm.  It kicked the bucket.  It… well, you get the idea. I had a dead chariot on my hands (and in my parents’ driveway).

Andrew and I went through the manual to troubleshoot, to no avail.  I called AAA, which determined it could do nothing to help (though the gentleman who gave us said sad news, Luis, was very compassionate about it – thanks, Luis, for breaking it to me gently).  I called the dealership, I called Nissan Roadside Assistance, I called every affiliated service provider I could think of.  I had a breakdown.  I had another breakdown.  I worried my parents with my irrational and erratic behavior.  I required numerous reassurances and soothing words from Andrew.  I lost my wits.  Again.  I lamented turning in Blue Steel.  I felt sorry for myself.  And hours later (literally hours), I finally got the dealership to agree to tow it on their dime back to Massachusetts, to (eventually) provide me with a courtesy vehicle (though not in time to make it to work today) and fix my brand-spankin’-new car.

But that still left us love birds stuck in the Nutmeg State… what were a stressed bride-to-be and a busy-full-time-worker-plus-part-time-MBA-student to do?

Turn to my everyday heroes, of course.  I’d like to give a shout-out to our Knight in Shining Audi, “Rhymes-With-Father-of-the-Bride,” who graciously hauled Andrew, my sorry butt, and all our baggage (physical and emotional) back to Chez Gerrowski last night, then immediately turned around and drove the two hours (if you’re obeying the speed limit) straight back to CT.  Pops sure came through when it counted – as always!  What a guy!  And to “Sarah’s Mo,” who took a break from saving the world to handle the tow trucker while I was dissolved in a puddle of pity party en route back to Boston.

And as for my car?  Well, this gal has far too much to do to be without a faithful steed – so they’d best be fixin’ her up real pretty and real fast!  Or I may not be able to control my inner ‘zilla!

~Sarah

TheKnot.Com is Trying to Intimidate Me

August 26, 2010 at 10:05 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
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As you may have guessed, I’m not what you might call TheKnot.com’s biggest fan.  Earlier this month I shared my suspicion that the sneaky website was trying to finagle an invite to my nuptials – today, I’m certain that’s what they wanted.  And since I so rudely rebuffed their trickery and campaign of guilt to secure one of our coveted invites, TheKnot.com has decided to engage me with intimidation tactics.  Don’t believe me?  Check out this email:

Don't threaten me, TheKnot.com!

Yeah.  TheKnot.com is trying to intimidate me.  “Sarah, here are all the things you will do wrong without us… You know you need us… Look at all the areas you could totally destroy at your big day by forsaking us… There’s still time… LOVE US!”

Well, TheKnot.com, I’m stronger than you think I am.  I’m not afraid of a little imperfection at my reception.  And I won’t succumb to Bridezilla-tendencies.  I’m not afraid of being a Bad BrideAgain.   

~Sarah

Attack of the Big White Dress

May 11, 2010 at 1:35 pm | Posted in Married Life | 10 Comments
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To say that I’ve had mild anxiety about wedding dress shopping would be kind, since we all know I was a hot mess! I had visions of taffeta torture and organza nightmares, I postponed the fateful shopping day more than a couple times and made no secret of my distaste for being the center of attention in a poufy gown. But this weekend my loving mother, dear friend and Maid of Honor, Rhymes-With-Tzarina, and future mother-in-law (Rhymes-With-Mathy) and sister-in-law (Schmelizabeth) put an end to all that.

That’s right: they staged an intervention (of sorts). Tzarina flew across the country, my parents and future in-laws road-tripped to Massachusetts, and I put on my brave face and strapless bra to finally face the fabric.

Our first stop was Camilla’s in Arlington, Mass. I received an insider’s tip about how amazing this store is and the owner, Nivia, did NOT disappoint.  My adventurous entourage and I couldn’t have started in a better spot.  In fact, with her arms of steel, Nivia managed to squeeze me into every sample gown, and I didn’t look marshmallow-tastic at all. 

And I actually… had… a… great time!!

In fact, I believe we found THE dress!  And so, in typical Sarah-style, I refused to try on any other dresses at any other stores.  But we still had a few more shops to visit, so it was payback time: Tzarina and my future sister-in-law tried on bridesmaid dresses ranging from huge to hideous, “it’s a nice concept” to “my eyes are burning!”  And they were really good sports about it all – and even looked amazing in the most horrible of bridesmaid attire.  We may have also coerced my future mother-in-law to try on a few long black dresses… and she looked smokin’!

All in all, it was a fantastic day, and I’m officially over my fears and excited about wedding planning!  We knew I’d get here eventually… so watch out, world!  This bride-to-be is ready to plan!!

~Sarah

You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Bridezilla…

December 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Posted in Married Life | 2 Comments
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Before we were engaged, Andrew and I made a habit of watching ridiculous reality shows, including one of our personal favorites, Bridezillas. We even made our friends – single, dating, married, life-partnered, undefined – watch all the ludicrous brides with us, and the crazier the antics, the more entertained we were (WE TV, your plan is working!). Seriously, we loved the smashed cakes, the people who were speaking English but still required subtitles during their rants so the audience could understand their harpy shrieks, the brides who shoved deep-fried everything down their bridesmaids’ throats so no one would look prettier or thinner than the bride on the big day – the nuttier, the better, as far as we were concerned.

You see, watching the ‘zillas was all fun and games when we were just dating and there was no jewelry involved. But now, well… let’s just say this could get a little more real for us both, so today on Factinis & Factomelettes, I will make my intentions to my betrothed, my family and friends, known:

I, Sarah Wilderrol, do solemnly swear not to engage in ‘zilla behavior. I will not physically or verbally abuse any vendors including, but not limited to: caterers, aestheticians, musicians, planners/coordinators, photographers and florists. I promise to treat my bridal party with respect, for better or for worse, in sickness and health. I will not imply that slightly different hued linens than I pictured are the end of the world, or that if I don’t get a $15,000 wedding dress, I may as well not get married at all. I vow to always remember that this isn’t about throwing the most spectacular party (though it will be a lot of fun!); rather, it is about celebrating the life Andrew and I will share as husband and wife.

And by that I mean I will do my best… but dear reader(s), when times get tough please cut a girl some slack! You know I loves me some organization, planning and scheming!

Kisses,
Sarah

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