Where’s the Cheese?!?

February 11, 2010 at 9:26 am | Posted in Married Life | 10 Comments
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Recently I received an email from e-wedding resource giant (and seller of personal information to anyone who’ll buy it) TheKnot.com that seemed to contain distressing information. The subject was: “15 Cheese-Free Wedding Ideas.”

If you’ve ever met Andrew, you will understand why this is so unsettling. As future grooms go, he is easy to please, and thus far I have discovered only a few areas where he’s unwilling to budge.  These include: a mandatory steak option on our reception menu, a cake preference of marble, and our cocktail hour MUST include an artery-clogging, lactose intolerant digestive attack-inducing amount of cheese, (especially sharp cheddar… Though, as we learned from Free Cheese Day, Cabot Cheddar is lactose free). Still not getting the picture? This guy eats whole blocks of cheese in one sitting! With or without crackers. And I adore him all the more for it!

Hoodles, back to the nuttiness at hand: a wedding without cheese… Upon receiving this email, I immediately forwarded it to my dear co-blogger so she could join my appalled state of mind.  Witness:

To April W.
From Sarah W.
The subject of this email frightened me immensely. This might be enough for Andrew to call off a wedding and just elope 😉

To Sarah W.
From April W.
That is horrific! I, too, was alarmed at the subject of this email. It makes me suspicious of The Knot. This is further ammo for Andrew’s call for eloping (elopement?).

Bolstered by my bloggier half’s support, I decided to share this atrocious email with Andrew. He took a quick glance at the subject line and gave me the look. You know, the one that conveys serious displeasure and super veto power. Normally I have only seen that look on mothers, but when it comes to cheese, Andrew can convey messages without a word, too.

But this email was like an accident scene and I simply couldn’t look away. And thank goodness for that! When I actually read the email itself, I discovered the real trickery of TheKnot.com. The needlessly alarming subject actually referred to maudlin wedding ideas, not dairy products. When I shared this with Andrew a look of relief so pure crossed his face – it was like glimpsing an angel – and he was instantly transformed back to the happy-go-lucky future groom we know and love.

So be warned, dear reader(s): if you are planning nuptials and succumb to the pressure of TheKnot.com, expect junk mail and spam email, stressful to do lists, and needlessly frightening puns.

~Sarah

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