Photo Phriday: It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like (Tacky) Christmas

December 2, 2011 at 12:02 pm | Posted in Photo Phriday | 2 Comments
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As a yid, Christmas-time can be fraught with difficulties.  (Prepare your tiniest violin for me…)  December means: listening to radio stations being overtaken by Christmas music (it’s cute at first, but gets old really quickly); friends getting mounds of gifts in just one morning while my eight crazy nights barely hold a candle (punny, I know) to their loot; and being ignored by Santa even though I’m pretty sure I’ve been good all year.  Seriously – I don’t even get coal.

Dear reader(s), it isn’t easy for a heb like me.

But I’m always searching for silver linings.  On the plus side, I never had to sit on the lap of a beef and cheese smelling, pajama-clad old man in a department store; until I met my husband, I never had to fight the mall marauders for gifts; and I can fully enjoy holiday decorations without having to go through the trouble and expense of decking my halls… or roof… or yard.  Because let’s be honest: I love (looking at) outdoor Christmas decorations – and the tackier, the better!

I’m pretty sure the tackiest décor can be found in my old haunt, Somerville, Mass., where they make gaudy ornamentation an art!  Take, for example, this over-the-top home:

Tacky Christmas Decorations

Now THAT'S how decorating is done!

Isn’t it magnificent?!?  I’m pretty sure you can see this house from space!

I’m on the hunt for additional spotlightable homes!  If you happen to stumble upon similarly tacky décor, send it my way (tweet photos to @PR_SarahG) and I’ll share it on Factinis.

Happy December, dear reader(s)!

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Reporting Live from Xmas Morning!

December 25, 2009 at 11:00 am | Posted in Heebs, Married Life | 2 Comments
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This is Sarah Wilderrol reporting live from my first Christmas morning with the future in-laws…

Frankly, I love it! I made out like a bandit (see photo below!), and have yet to completely embarrass myself (visions of my future sister-in-law’s Confirmation are dancing in my head).

This time, TV didn’t lie*. Thanks to the storm last weekend, the ground is covered in a lovely layer of nearly-white snow. And this morning we got to:

  • Wear my favorite attire (pj’s!) all morning – and thanks to my thoughtful co-blogger I even had festive slipper socks (monkeys on sleds – it doesn’t get much cuter than that)
  • Feast on non-shellfish delicacies (apple cinnamon pancakes!! And I hear this afternoon’s meal will include twice-baked potatoes AND roast beef – huzzah from the Heb!)
  • Climb over mountains of wrapping paper ripped with gusto off the thoughtful gifts we received from each other
  • And enjoy lots of quiet family time.
I could get used to this!

~Sarah

*I’m still mad at TV for misrepresenting Christmas Eve. Seriously, talk about false promises! TV can be such a jerk…

Holiday Shenanigans!

December 24, 2009 at 1:05 pm | Posted in Heebs | Leave a comment
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Merry Christmas Eve, dear reader(s)! To kick off the holiday and my first full Xmas with my future in-laws, I thought I’d bring you a great example of interfaith understanding and bargains! Apparently a grocery store in Texas was advertising the following deal:
Come get a great deal on your Hanukkah ham!

And a special thanks to Rhymes-With-Rad for passing that picture my way 🙂

Happy Holidays,
Sarah

Oops! I Flarped.

December 23, 2009 at 10:32 am | Posted in Misc. | 3 Comments
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The hubs and I are travelling back home for Christmas with the dog and the little nug in tow. This means a six-hour car trip. Or longer, depending and the fuel efficiency of my body in relation to the fuel efficiency of the car.

I took advantage of a refueling stop to change our unfortunately wide-awake baby’s diaper. While drying my hands with a nine-month-old on my hip and a diaper bag and my coat awkwardly under one arm, a woman using the hand dryer next to me started gushing over my son. I forgot that Mike’s Christmas gift from my lovely co-blogger (a Flarp Machine that makes real fart sounds in eight different styles) was in my pocket. As I graciously thanked her for the compliments I shifted all of my parcels and accidentally hit one of the buttons on the Flarp Machine. And not one of the quick oops-I-just-let-out-a-little-toot-I-hope-no-one-notices sounds, but a long, loud rippler.

And, having the maturity of a 12-year-old boy, I giggled and blamed it on the baby.

~April

How to Celebrate Christmas

December 16, 2009 at 8:48 am | Posted in Misc. | Leave a comment
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My dear co-blogger is about to celebrate her first full Christmas with her soon-to-be in-laws. I promised to give her a rundown on what to expect so there isn’t a repeat of the confirmation situation in which she thought the presentation of the gifts meant wrapped packages from Macy’s and she responded to the offering of peace with “Right back at you!” So far, I’ve explained Christmas stockings. Clearly, I haven’t had any sense of urgency in this matter. And now Christmas is less than a week away. Oh, and I helped her write her first Christmas list. And by helped, I mean I read a fascinating article on Katie Holmes’ secret sorrow and feelings of being trapped in a loveless marriage by an ubercontrolling religious freak (Tom Cruise, I’m looking at you) while periodically tossing out helpful suggestions like, “Just write down the things you want for Christmas.”

Sarah already knows what to expect on Christmas Eve, as she has gone to dinner with Andrew for the past few years. And I’ve told her the truth about EOTS. Help me out here, reader(s)! What are the essentials a good Heb needs to know to survive Christmas with a boisterous Italian family?
~April

Reader’s Mailbag: Holiday Decor

December 2, 2009 at 8:59 am | Posted in Around Boston | Leave a comment
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Dear Wilderrols,

That Elf on the Shelf was so creepy! Have you seen any other holiday decorations that are Factinis & Factomelettes worthy?

– T. Grinch

Dear T.G.,

Thanks for writing! We appreciate all feedback, even from literary misers and curmudgeons. We will keep our creepiness-radar on and report back. In the meantime, this sign isn’t exactly what we would call decor, but it’s in the holiday spirit, so it counts.

Yes, that is a creepy half-donut-smiling snowman. Why Rhymes-With-Clunkin-GoNuts* wouldn’t have added munchkins for eyes to take the bizarre-o-meter down a level is beyond us. But there you have it. Nothing says happy holidays like optically challenged snowmen!

~Sarah

*Note: Rhymes-With-Clunkin-GoNuts gift cards make excellent bribes… errr… holiday gifts for your favorite service people like mail carriers, bloggers, office cleaning crews, bloggers, teachers, bloggers, babysitters, bloggers… You get the drill! It’s a circle of life kinda thing.

Elf on the Shelf

November 11, 2009 at 12:11 pm | Posted in Misc. | 2 Comments
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I normally wouldn’t post about Christmas this early. It’s time to prepare for Turkey Day. Christmas is a distant event. And yet, the stores have been playing Christmas carols and hawking pink trees and Santa cookie plates for weeks. It’s way too early. I’m still eating Halloween candy. But regardless of when you think the Christmas season has begun, I think you all will agree that it will never be time for this:

This is what our fearless blogger Sarah spied in the hotel gift shop in San Diego, where she is attending a conference. She sent me that pic in the hopes that I could enlighten her on the Elf on the Shelf (EOTS) tradition and explain why it had been kept secret from her. Is it a sacred Christian ritual kept hidden from the heathens practicing other “religions?” Should she be offended that no one saw fit to let her in on the mysteries of EOTS? Or should she be proud of her super-sleuthing abilities and alert her people?

Never fear, I explained that not only have I never heard of EOTS, it is not something I would welcome into my home. Furthermore, whoever assured her EOTS is a time-honored tradition is either a sneaky-sneaky prankster or a filthy liar. Or an EOTS-worshipping cult member.

Santa is diligently making his list and checking it twice. Why send some creepy elf (who apparently travels with his own shelf) to spy on me? And why does that elf bring his own shelf anyway? Are my shelves not good enough for him? Is his precious elf-butt accustomed to only the finest shelving materials? Frankly, I’m not down with uppity elves. They make toys, for Xenu’s sake. And I’m not trying to start any rumors here, but I have it on good authority that elves also make shoes. And some live in trees and make cookies. Just saying.

If you want to invite some shady elf into your home, that’s your business. I don’t judge. But personally, I think this whole EOTS “tradition” is a ruse.

Dear reader(s), I’m looking to you. Have you heard of this? Or – gasp! – do you particpate in EOTS?

~April

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