Chico’s So Slimming Jeans for the Already Slim

August 27, 2012 at 9:26 am | Posted in TV (The Boob Tube) | 19 Comments
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As you know, dear reader(s), it’s been a while since I last blogged, so you can bet I have some pent-up inconsequential angst to share.  Today I’d like to take out my irrational wrath on the Chico’s So Slimming™ commercials. 

So Slimming Jeans

Wow! Chico’s So Slimming(TM) Jeans make skinny women look skinny!

As a gal with fairly obvious love handles (I wouldn’t want love to just slip away – it needs something to hold on to!) and who has been pretty open about battling my own personal bulge, I’m the target audience for such slenderizing apparel*. 

You know who doesn’t need said minimizing pantaloons?  The lady dancing like a fool in their commercials (which air CONSTANTLY, I might add). 

Click here for one of the ads I’m talking about…

I can practically see this little dancing diva’s hip bones!!  Honestly, Chico’s, let’s get real.  Advertising slimming jeans on a skinny lady does NOTHING for your target customer except perhaps generate resentment. 

You want to prove these pants are worth their weight in advertising claims?  Put a REAL woman in the pants!  And for Twinkies’ sake, quit perpetuating the stereotype that even the healthiest of women could still stand to lose a few lbs. (or at least appear as if she has lost that last pesky ounce – that she’s sure everyone notices – thanks to these miracle pants)!  Enough!       

Shame on you, Chico’s!


* Though granted, perhaps a decade or two too young for this particular brand.

Diet Update: The Gods Must Be Cruel

February 13, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Posted in In The Kitchen, Office Humor | Leave a comment
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The first two weeks of The Great HindJew Pact were a success!  Dipika and I ate healthy foods in moderation, worked out three times each week and felt accomplished and proud.  And then I got the plague (okay, okay, it is just a never-ending cold/cough/sniffles-fest), work got insanely busy, and employees the world over flocked – excuse the pun – to Dark Water Fowl’s office, where we had to play hostesses with the mostesses (read: go out for dinner and drinks more often than I care to admit).  It was a healthy-living disaster, and when we stepped on our respective scales this weekend, we knew we had sinned.  A lot.

So this morning we rededicated ourselves to the cause.  We brought healthy foods in appropriate portions to sustain us during the day, we planned our weekly workout schedule and we gave each other pep talks.  We started feeling better about ourselves again…

Gah! Girl Scout Cookies are the tools of the devil! (Image courtesy of

And then we realized it is Girl Scout Cookie delivery day and we are surrounded by colorful boxes of these tempting treats.  And the worst part is, the branding makes us think it’s okay to practically inhale them a box at a time!

I mean, they’re called Thin Mints and Caramel deLites® (aka Samoas®), which is so unfair, and probably false advertising!  Let’s face it, there’s nothing “lite” about them, and they sure aren’t going to make me thin! 

If I had to identify the silver lining I would say this is a great opportunity to prove that we do, in fact, have willpower.  That we can show ourselves that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.  And blah blah blah.

Just get the Tagalongs® outta my sight before someone gets hurt!

The Great HindJew Pact of 2012

January 25, 2012 at 11:00 am | Posted in Heebs, Home Ownership, In The Kitchen, Married Life | 4 Comments
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When I last obsessed about focused on my “healthy lifestyle initiative” (who am I kidding?  Let’s call a spade a spade: my diet), I was desperately trying to be the perfect bride. Since that time, I got hitched, got a new gig, bought a fixer-upper and started to fix it up, and, as a result, resumed eating my feelings. And I have a LOT of feelings. So now there’s a lot more of me to love than in my wedding photos…

Enter my gal pal and colleague, Dipika, and our brand new initiative: The Great HindJew Pact of 2012. Together Dipika and I are vowing to battle the bulge, to rediscover our skinny jeans and, most importantly, to feel better about ourselves. How? By making smarter food choices (cough cough portion size cough cough) and committing to a torture regular exercise routine.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we read somewhere that “publicly declaring your goals significantly enhances your chance of success.” So yeah, we’re using you. Thanks for your inadvertent assistance!

And if you’d like to join us in The Great HindJew Pact of 2012, we will welcome you with soon-to-be-unflabby arms!

Hands Off, Perv!

July 29, 2010 at 7:56 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments
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Okay, I admit it: I get kind of handsy around fruit – especially cherries. 

I’m really particular about the ripeness of my produce – about what color it is and how many bruises it has, and most importantly, how firm it is. I can’t even taste a piece of fruit until I have determined that it is appropriately firm – and I think that makes me kind of a fruit perv, or maybe a “fruitist.”   

Yesterday, for example, I brought a big ol’ bag of cherries to work for my afternoon snack (you know, the healthy eating plan is still in affect) and my colleagues literally gaped as I pawed through the bag, hunting for those perfect cherries.  This is going to sound horribly wrong, but here goes: I manhandled every cherry in the bag until I found the firmest ones.  And then I offered the others to my colleagues. 

Is that so wrong?


Work it, Girl!

June 9, 2010 at 7:46 am | Posted in Around Boston | 6 Comments
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One of our dear reader(s) recently brought an interesting fact to my attention: when blogging about our health initiatives, April and I usually obsess about discuss food, and grant very little blog-space to the other parts of the healthy lifestyle trifecta: exercise and attitude/mental state.  So today’s post will include a few of our super fitness finds! 

For example, we all know that April is obsessed with As Seen on TV products like the Bump-it, Ped-Egg, Strap Perfect, and even Pro Caulk (courtesy of Schmatti).  What you may not know is that I, too, have an As Seen on TV obsession, only mine is strictly related to fitness products.  

As Andrew can attest, there’s a corner of our living room devoted to said obsession.  We’ve got the Bender Ball, Tae Bo and Billy’s Boot Camp (complete with Billy Bands), Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred, and even a VHS of 8 Minute Abs (with Jaime Brenkus – you know you remember this guy)!  

The godfather of sweat! I ❤ Richard Simmons


I’ve loved and used them all over the years.  They’re like gym friends – you know, the ones you smile half-heartedly at when you meet near the elliptical because you know you shouldn’t go so long between visits, and when you do get around to working out, you want to impress them with how toned and in-shape you are (to make up for not seeing them in a while) so you work too hard, end up in pain and then quit again until the guilt gets to be too much?  No?  Just me?  Never mind.  

Anyway, despite my love of infomercial-based fitness equipment, I do NOT have the Shake Weight (because it seems a little… ummmm… yeah… not family-friendly) or the AB Transform (because I’m not sure even the best infomercial could sell me on “EMS” – electro muscular stimulation).  With that said, I’m not against trying these products – I’m just against spending my own money on ’em.  If any of our dear reader(s) have used these products before, do tell!!  

Alternatively, if you want a full report about them from yours truly (I vow to spare no details), feel free to purchase them on my behalf!  That goes for you, too, As Seen on TV company – I welcome the chance to review your fine (and sometimes moderately sketchy) products. 

Yours in fitness fun time, 


Diet Update: Gluttony Ahead!

June 7, 2010 at 11:22 am | Posted in Married Life | 8 Comments
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It has been 3.5 months since we started our healthy eating initiative, and it hasn’t been easy.  April and I have bravely faced hallucinations, crumb cravings and oat incidents, we’ve eaten a few too many helpings of humble pie, dreamed of mythical nourishment and even researched alternative eating plans.  And despite all these obstacles, we persevere in the name of becoming a slender bride (yours truly) and a healthy mommy (Arpil).     

I started today with a bowl of rabbit food (aka Fiber One) and banana for breakfast.  It was boring, fibertastic and completely uninspiring.  And with 125 days left until my nuptials, I’m looking at a many more blasé breakfasts… so I decided that it’s time to start focusing on something that will make me VERY happy: gluttony.  

This is just the start... October 11, 2010, here I come!


In 126 days, I plan to enjoy all the foods I miss in whatever quantity I can hold in my ever-shrinking stomach!  My first thoughts were about chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, nachos, ice cream, cheeseburgers, milkshakes, pizza and biscuits.  My next thoughts were… no, I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on those foods.  Mmmmm…    

What, dear reader(s), would you enjoy on your first day of off-diet-gluttony… errr, I mean marriage? 


Humble Pie: April & Sarah Revisit Their Diet

April 12, 2010 at 8:05 am | Posted in Misc. | 6 Comments

It has been over a month since April and I started our “healthy eating initiative.” The first week was mind-boggling, the second week made us cranky, the third week was chock full of desperation, week four was smelly, week five was less-than-carbtastic, and last week was, well, let’s just call it a splurge.


We admit it: we hit the D.D.D. phase (during diet doldrums). We ate with abandon. We celebrated April’s birth with ice cream cake and lunches out with Shmarge, RWC and Snarky Love. We drank beer and fruity cocktails (not to excess, and only at special occasions… but still not on the plan), we snacked, and snacked, and snacked some more, and enjoyed every minute of it! That is, every minute until our weekly weigh-in.

So here we are, eating a virtual slice of humble pie (mmmm… pie… no! Focus, Sarah – no more pie!) by publicly announcing the error of our ways and rededicating ourselves to healthier choices.
Pass the celery, please… Sigh.


Happy No Carb Day!

March 30, 2010 at 2:36 pm | Posted in Heebs | 1 Comment
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If you think being on a diet is bad, try going on a diet and eschewing carbs.  That’s a sad, sad day.  Unless you are a member of the tribe, in which case you are celebrating Passover.  And that’s a good thing.  Because my understanding is that Passover is a happy holiday.  I liken it to Easter.  Except whereas we Christians celebrate a miraculous rising, the Chosen People refuse risen food products.  And the basis for the holidays is totally different.  Although, according to the Winkopedia, some people say the Last Supper was actually a Passover meal…  I say potato pancake, Sarah says latke.  <shrug>

Passover cat

Anyway, Chag Sameach, my Jewish friends!  I hope your matzoh is appropriately unleavened and that your gefilte fish is… delicious(?).


100 Calorie Disappointment

November 16, 2009 at 10:16 am | Posted in Misc. | Leave a comment
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I’m that girl in the office with the never-ending candy dish. It all started with an empty vase on my desk. I had some candy left over from some sugar splurge and decided to be nice and share (ie tempt my officemates with the lure of a free sugar-high in the hopes of quickly off-loading that which I cannot resist). I did my best to resist said evil temptress myself, although there were indeed days when her siren song was more than I could bear. Until Halloween.

Halloween, one of my favorite holidays! I love it all: the pumpkins, the excuse to take on a new identity (if only for a few hours), Thriller and Monster Mash played ad nauseam, little ghouls and goblins running door to door in search of treats, the candy. Oh, the candy! Love, thy name is sugar.

So when revellers desire to get the candy out of their houses, where do they go? To the established office candy jar, of course. In other words: my desk. And as if a tall vase filled with Snickers, Baby Ruths, Hersheys Kisses, Three Musketeers and the like weren’t enough, a certain someone added a large bowl to the mix, which was promptly overflowing with Mike & Ikes, Whoppers, Crunch Bars and more. Overflowing. I kid you not. And day all long people are in and out of my office seeking a quick fix. “Just one more,” they say with a wink. And how can I resist not joining in? Sure, there are days when my hand never wanders into that bowl of sin. But other days…. Let’s just say my pants have been a little snug of late.

So in an effort to thwart the sugarry little minx, I purchased a large bag of 100 calorie trail mix packets. The packaging was misleading, to say the least. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I opened the package and saw munchkin-sized packets of trail mix smaller than my blackberry. Witness:

So, sure, I’m dutifully eating my teeny trail mixes 100 calories at a time. And my pants are no longer depriving my lower extremities of blood. But I still feel a little cheated. I mean, come on!

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