The Great HindJew Pact of 2012

January 25, 2012 at 11:00 am | Posted in Heebs, Home Ownership, In The Kitchen, Married Life | 4 Comments
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When I last obsessed about focused on my “healthy lifestyle initiative” (who am I kidding?  Let’s call a spade a spade: my diet), I was desperately trying to be the perfect bride. Since that time, I got hitched, got a new gig, bought a fixer-upper and started to fix it up, and, as a result, resumed eating my feelings. And I have a LOT of feelings. So now there’s a lot more of me to love than in my wedding photos…

Enter my gal pal and colleague, Dipika, and our brand new initiative: The Great HindJew Pact of 2012. Together Dipika and I are vowing to battle the bulge, to rediscover our skinny jeans and, most importantly, to feel better about ourselves. How? By making smarter food choices (cough cough portion size cough cough) and committing to a torture regular exercise routine.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we read somewhere that “publicly declaring your goals significantly enhances your chance of success.” So yeah, we’re using you. Thanks for your inadvertent assistance!

And if you’d like to join us in The Great HindJew Pact of 2012, we will welcome you with soon-to-be-unflabby arms!

Work it, Girl!

June 9, 2010 at 7:46 am | Posted in Around Boston | 6 Comments
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One of our dear reader(s) recently brought an interesting fact to my attention: when blogging about our health initiatives, April and I usually obsess about discuss food, and grant very little blog-space to the other parts of the healthy lifestyle trifecta: exercise and attitude/mental state.  So today’s post will include a few of our super fitness finds! 

For example, we all know that April is obsessed with As Seen on TV products like the Bump-it, Ped-Egg, Strap Perfect, and even Pro Caulk (courtesy of Schmatti).  What you may not know is that I, too, have an As Seen on TV obsession, only mine is strictly related to fitness products.  

As Andrew can attest, there’s a corner of our living room devoted to said obsession.  We’ve got the Bender Ball, Tae Bo and Billy’s Boot Camp (complete with Billy Bands), Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred, and even a VHS of 8 Minute Abs (with Jaime Brenkus – you know you remember this guy)!  

The godfather of sweat! I ❤ Richard Simmons

 

I’ve loved and used them all over the years.  They’re like gym friends – you know, the ones you smile half-heartedly at when you meet near the elliptical because you know you shouldn’t go so long between visits, and when you do get around to working out, you want to impress them with how toned and in-shape you are (to make up for not seeing them in a while) so you work too hard, end up in pain and then quit again until the guilt gets to be too much?  No?  Just me?  Never mind.  

Anyway, despite my love of infomercial-based fitness equipment, I do NOT have the Shake Weight (because it seems a little… ummmm… yeah… not family-friendly) or the AB Transform (because I’m not sure even the best infomercial could sell me on “EMS” – electro muscular stimulation).  With that said, I’m not against trying these products – I’m just against spending my own money on ’em.  If any of our dear reader(s) have used these products before, do tell!!  

Alternatively, if you want a full report about them from yours truly (I vow to spare no details), feel free to purchase them on my behalf!  That goes for you, too, As Seen on TV company – I welcome the chance to review your fine (and sometimes moderately sketchy) products. 

Yours in fitness fun time, 

Sarah

Diet Update: Gluttony Ahead!

June 7, 2010 at 11:22 am | Posted in Married Life | 8 Comments
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It has been 3.5 months since we started our healthy eating initiative, and it hasn’t been easy.  April and I have bravely faced hallucinations, crumb cravings and oat incidents, we’ve eaten a few too many helpings of humble pie, dreamed of mythical nourishment and even researched alternative eating plans.  And despite all these obstacles, we persevere in the name of becoming a slender bride (yours truly) and a healthy mommy (Arpil).     

I started today with a bowl of rabbit food (aka Fiber One) and banana for breakfast.  It was boring, fibertastic and completely uninspiring.  And with 125 days left until my nuptials, I’m looking at a many more blasé breakfasts… so I decided that it’s time to start focusing on something that will make me VERY happy: gluttony.  

This is just the start... October 11, 2010, here I come!

 

In 126 days, I plan to enjoy all the foods I miss in whatever quantity I can hold in my ever-shrinking stomach!  My first thoughts were about chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, nachos, ice cream, cheeseburgers, milkshakes, pizza and biscuits.  My next thoughts were… no, I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on those foods.  Mmmmm…    

What, dear reader(s), would you enjoy on your first day of off-diet-gluttony… errr, I mean marriage? 

~Sarah

April & Sarah’s Separation: Day 1, Update 3

April 26, 2010 at 1:33 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 3 Comments
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There’s a plethora of junk food in the kitchen and I suffer from fairly serious afternoon snack attacks. I’m in danger of a “healthy eating plan” violation. Help.

No thank you...

April used to tell me that she personally rubbed all the tempting food with bacon, knowing that as a good Jewish girl, I wouldn’t even consider eating it. Without her, this work environment has the makings of a waist-line disaster…

Thankfully my pal RWC has stepped up to fill in as my personal hero (someone get her a cape!). She has made invaluable sacrifices including: eating the last piece of pie to help me avoid temptation, telling me bagels are gross and the cream cheese tastes like refrigerator (you know that taste – ick), offering to share her raw almonds with me, and even volunteering to take me for a walk around lunchtime. She’s a keeper!

But we both miss April. Don’t be surprised if you find us hiding in a corner, hugging each other as we sway back and forth, mumbling incoherently in an effort to keep the loneliness away. At least we are dealing with the pain of withdrawal together…

Back to my corner,

Sarah

April and Sarah Go on a Diet: Mythical Nourishment and Mortal Imaginations

March 24, 2010 at 9:04 am | Posted in Around Boston, In The Kitchen | 4 Comments
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Other than hallucinations, crumb cravings and oat incidents, April and I have weathered our new “healthy eating plan” well, and have made it through week four without seriously injuring anyone.

Awesome...

During these long, calorie-deprived weeks, I’m fairly certain that our sense of smell has become much keener. Take, for example, our commute home yesterday: as we speed-walked (sped-walked? That can’t be right!) past the Domino’s in Boston’s West End, the scent of pizza wafted into our noses. We nearly stopped (pedestrian) traffic as we came to a screeching halt in front of the pizzeria… And yes, my boot CAN make screeching halts. The aroma of freshly baked dough tickled our noses as the sweet yet slightly acidic tomato sauce and salty, oily scent of melting cheese tantalized us. We gazed longingly toward the pizza shop that, just two months ago during P.D. (Pre-Diet, as that era is called), wouldn’t have given us pause, and wondered if heaven might smell just like that.

As we continued our commute, my erudite friend and I began discussing Ambrosia, sustenance of the Greek gods (and we may also have discussed the more plebeian version of ambrosia – the coconut, fruit cocktail and marshmallow “salad” that April craved when she was preggers but which turns my stomach… That’s not the point… You know how we get distracted… Focus, dear reader(s)).

We may even have expressed our hope that heaven includes an all you can eat gourmet cafeteria that specializes in pizza, chocolate cake, honey roasted peanut butter, milk shakes, nachos, ice cream, beer, cookies, spiced nuts, etc. (Are you there G-d? It’s me, Booty).

Anyway, the heightened sense of smell sounds like a delightful bonus to our slightly more svelte figures, right? Unfortunately our super-sensitive shmekkers also pick up the unpleasant scents, too. For example, walking through a certain neighborhood that shall be left unnamed (but rhymes with seekin’ thrill), we are occasionally accosted by a scent that can only be described as “fish diapers.” Yes, if baby fish ate other fish and wore diapers, that’s what it would smell like on garbage day on seekin’ thrill. Which seems to occur more than once a week. Shudder.

At least the fish diaper smell curbs our appetites!

Here’s to continued success – and nose plugs – in the D.D. (during diet) era!

~Sarah

Insert Title

March 12, 2010 at 8:58 am | Posted in Misc. | 2 Comments
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April and I love blogging. We love finding new and amusing ways to look at potentially frustrating daily occurrences. I mean, where else do we get to vent about cringe-worthy commutes, dieting doldrums, wedding wackiness, silly signs and all the other small stuff we try not to sweat over!  

April & Sarah Love Mugs for All Occasions

But sometimes… well… you might want to sit down for this: sometimes we find ourselves without witticisms! Yes, we admit it: we suffer from blogger’s block every now and then. I know, it’s shocking. But true. Some days it is hard to find the funny bits of life; sometimes a delayed train, a stinky work day and an aching ankle sap all our mental capacity: sometimes eating our weight in celery and raw broccoli isn’t a gas (it may cause it, but…never mind); sometimes we even find ourselves speechless.  

Clearly this isn’t one of those times, but trust me when I tell you that it has happened.  

Happy Friday, dear reader(s)!  

~Sarah

Still Dieting

March 9, 2010 at 10:30 am | Posted in Office Humor | 10 Comments
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It is week three of our modified eating plan. But it feels like week 647. Tensions are running high. Yesterday I threw part of my granola bar at Sarah after what I interpreted to be a rather snide remark. Innocent bystander Rhymes-With-Cannon assures me it was innocuous. The bit of granola that I threw landed in Sarah’s ear. True story.* Then I tumbled into a black hole of despair when I realized that was my last granola bar. And Sarah gloated after retrieving said bit of granola. If I were like Drew Barrymore in “Firestarter,” Sarah would have spontaneously combusted.

Between hunger pains, carb and chocolate cravings and fiber grouchiness, we are slowly growing hostile. Oh, and someone — Schmargaret, I’m looking at you — thought my desk was the best location for a three-gallon bowl of mini candy bars. I can smell the sugar whenever someone rifles through the selection of delectable treats horrid love-handle makers.

On the plus side, we’re becoming more productive as our colleagues are growing frightened of us. And Sarah “backed herself into a new pair of pants,” according to RWC. Huzzah!

~April

April & Sarah Go on a Diet: Dr. Wilderrol and Mrs. Hoofington

March 2, 2010 at 1:30 pm | Posted in In The Kitchen, Misc. | 21 Comments
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As you may know, April and I started our “healthy eating plan” (aka diet, but that’s a taboo word these days) about a week ago and, as part of our commitment to keep it up, we will be updating you, our dear reader(s), on our progress every now and again. Day One wasn’t too bad, though it was a little confusing. Week One is, well, let’s just say it is more trying. Especially for those around us. Witness our normally joyful coffee break:

Even coffee cannot bring joy to a dieting Wilderrol...

You see, April and I have been a little grouchy lately*. So much so that we are starting to resemble that famous personality disordered-fellow of literary fame, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Except we’re more like Dr. Wilderrol and Mrs. Hoofington…

Andrew and I once heard someone mispronounce the phrase “in a huff” as “in a hoof.” Apparently it stuck, and now whenever I’m less than patient and pleasant, he lovingly refers to me as Mrs. Hoofington. Shockingly, that little moniker doesn’t do much for talking me down off my emotional ledge! But I admit that occasionally the nickname is warranted. For example: April and I nearly came to blows over a piece of her oats and honey granola bar.

En route to our train after a particularly difficult day, our stomachs started talking. Truth be told, they were exchanging fighting words (grumbles?). And then it happened… we both noticed that April had a single oat stuck between her teeth from the oh-so-delicious granola bar she had eaten for afternoon snack. And that oat looked mighty tasty… She pried it out, held it up triumphantly and cried: “Snack time for me!” and then cackled like a crazed witch in a kid’s movie. As she started to put the delicate morsel on her tongue, I lunged. It was an out-of-body experience: my hunger drove me to violence! And April, well, April is pretty scrappy and she responded in kind.

Picture a scene from The Matrix (The Oat?) or Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (Crunching Tiger Hidden Crumb?) – except instead of trained assassins and ninjas, it was two gals on a diet, and instead of some futuristic alternate reality or lush arboretum, we were standing on a busy thoroughfare in Boston’s West End. Yeah. Not our best day…

(Okay, so that may not have actually happened, but that’s exactly how we both played it out in our minds!)

Desperately Seeking Snacks,
Sarah

*Don’t get us wrong, there have been other factors at play regarding our “baditudes”… but we’ll blame the diet!

April & Sarah Go On A Diet: The Spaghetti Sauce Chronicles

February 23, 2010 at 11:20 am | Posted in In The Kitchen | 8 Comments
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That’s right. Sarah and I are on diets. It’s out in the open. I’m ready to kiss my double chin and empty baby gut goodbye, while Sarah wants to present Andrew with a little less to love on her wedding day.

Dieting is hard. We love food. We love snacking, elevensies and train feast. Thus the diets.

We made it through Day One with only minor hiccups. We did spend 23 minutes deliberating over the most nutritionally optimal afternoon snack, culminating in my declaration that the food industry hates people who want to better themselves. I settled for oats and honey granola bars.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Until our walk home, when I told Sarah about my need to be able to write things down when I’m in the shower (more on that later). Sarah said she had a solution, and I responded: “Spaghetti sauce?” Because I honestly believed she was going to tell me to write on the shower tiles with spaghetti sauce. It made perfect sense at the time in my calorie-deprived state. And it still does.

I might not survive.

~April

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