Bathroom Etiquette

June 8, 2011 at 8:55 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 8 Comments
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I like to think I’m well-versed in etiquette.  My friends and family know me as the “thank you card queen” (I really do have an affinity for writing cards of all kinds, especially thank you notes), and I’m often consulted in matters of propriety and manners (I like to think it’s because I’ve been well-trained, not because I’m judgy).  But, dear reader(s), I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t always have the answers, and at the moment, I am perplexed by a situation at my new workplace.

The ladies room in our office building is one of those four-stall deals.  And yes, I do have a preferred stall – it’s the third one – what of it?  Anywho, it’s a rare occasion that I’m in the throne room alone.  Not an unusually strange situation – we’re all faced with public pottying every now and then.  What is strange, however, is the behavior of one of the gals in my building.

A few times every week when I enter the loo, I find her there already – but she’s never in a stall.  Most of the time, she’s pacing around the tiled room, talking (loudly) on her cell phone (in another language, so no, I can’t eavesdrop – not that eavesdropping would be proper, even if I could do it!).  And sometimes she’s pacing around the room without her cell phone.  Mumbling to herself.  Or crying.  She never potties.  She only paces and makes some sort of noise.

And I have NO idea what to do.  I’ve tried a noncommittal smile, a friendly smile, a chin-raise-acknowledgement, a brief “hey,” a wave, and even a “You okay?” inquiry.  I’ve tried ignoring her, acknowledging her without eye contact, and pretending I’m not listening to anything but the sound of my own… breathing.  But nothing really feels right.

What, dear reader(s), would you do?

Perplexed in the potty,
Sarah

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Wedding Q&A

October 14, 2010 at 8:12 am | Posted in Married Life | 11 Comments
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Thank you all for your support and advice over the past few months. You, dear reader(s), helped calm my nerves and gave me the practical advice that helped make our wedding day such a memorable, fun, stress-free one! Today I will use this platform to answer your questions about 10/10/10 – and if I missed any, feel free to ask.

 

Are you planning to take Andrew’s name or will you keep the Wilderrol surname?

I have decided to legally change my name, so I will become Mrs. L-ski (whenever I get around to making the switch), but I won’t be offended if you wish to continue using my “maiden” name.

I heard a rumor that you wore tacky red sneakers to your own wedding. Is that true?

No. I wore these sophisticated beauties during the ceremony:

Stylin' Weddin' Shoes

And these adorable red tennies during the reception:

Comfy and coordinated!

They match the color scheme – ergo the sneaks weren’t tacky. 

Did Andrew follow-through on his threat to put cake on your face?

Open wide... airplane is coming in for a landing!

Nope, happily he respected my wishes… and/or did a quick little calculation about the amount of alone time we would have that night (since the Yankees swept, we had NO distractions – except for the hour it took to take my hair down) and figured it would be best if I wasn’t feeling harpy-tastic and ready exact revenge for the rest of our days. He politely fed me a dollop of icing…after he made it swoop around like an “airplane” (say aaah) toward my mouth. 

What did you two end up giving each other as wedding day gifts?

We managed to find each other superb gifts to exchange on our big day, if we do say so ourselves! Since we aren’t taking our honeymoon until next spring, Andrew gifted me a “mini-moon” so we could enjoy a weekend away together this fall. I gave him cuff links made from baseballs used in a Yankees game so he could walk down the aisle with a little pinstripe-pizzazz in his step – and they even matched our decor!

Did nature cooperate?

Yes! In fact, not only did Momma N. cooperate by providing gorgeous weather and stunning foliage, but apparently she also endorsed our union and sent a cute little chipmunk messenger to witness our ceremony and stand at the chuppah with us! Did anyone get a photo of the unexpected wedding guest? If so, please share it!

You had some anxiety about wearing a poufy white dress – was it more fun than you anticipated?

Taking a Mulligan on bustling my wedding gown...

Yes! I loved my dress and it was not even close to being the taffeta-torture I once envisioned. I only had two issues with it:

1) I needed a chaperone to use the loo! Mid-way through the day I could hold it no longer, but I couldn’t find my mom or my ‘maids! What was a bride to do? Grab my best neighbor, Rhymes-With-Tinny, and high-tail it to the bridal suite where we took our relationship to a more intimate level. Frankly, I only dared venture to the WC once because it was such a production!

2) A minor wardrobe malfunction about 2/3 of the way through the day included part of my dress un-bustling (de-bustling?). Luckily my stylists were there to help and we re-bustled it right in the middle of the reception.

It was a magical day and a perfect way to begin the next stage in our relationship! Thanks, everyone!

~ Mrs. L-ski

An Old Married Lady Already?

October 4, 2010 at 8:21 am | Posted in Spam | Leave a comment
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I won’t even be hitched until this weekend, but already society has written me off as old married lady. Don’t believe me? I got this in the mail on Saturday:

AARP says I should be retired already... count me IN!

That’s right – apparently I now qualify for membership in the American Association of Retired Persons. Ummm… Yeah…

In my quest to always find the silver lining, I’ve decided to interpret this as a sign that I shouldn’t work anymore. Apparently it’s time to retire, and that sounds dreamy to me! Andrew, however, is less than taken with the idea, citing the reality of bills, saving for a down-payment on a house, supporting our future children (don’t get too excited yet, Mo, RWFOTB and mom-in-law Kathy: this is not our way of saying I’m preggers). He is clearly not seeing the bigger picture. 

Another plus? I love early dinners and early bedtimes – I think I’d make a lively addition to the early bird special club, the news programs are too depressing these days to bother staying up past 10 p.m., and the modern marvel of “Digital Video Recording” (or whatever you kids are calling it these days) will ensure I can watch all my stories at a reasonable hour – like 8 p.m., when I treat myself to my nightly glass of warm milk.

And finally, the benefit that really sold me: senior discounts! Forget student rates (don’t judge, Andrew is a student again!), seniors have the discount market cornered! Restaurants, attractions – you name it, they can save! So count me in, AARP!

~Sarah

(but you can call me Mrs. Wilderrol, you rude little whipper-snapper)

The (un)Civil War’s Final Stand… (We Hope)

July 20, 2010 at 9:23 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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We are totally blown away by our dear readers’ (both old and new) support – your logical, credible and witty comments have brightened our days and we couldn’t ask for more “genteel” e-friends.  And so, it is with this overwhelming appreciation that we post what we hope will be the last entry regarding what we’re affectionately referring to as CW2 (Civil War II). Why not end it with April’s last post, you may ask? Well, it wouldn’t be fair to you. 

It has come to our attention that throngs of our reader(s) decided to voice their displeasure directly on our apparent-nemesis’ blog – an appropriate venue, if we do say so ourselves. Unfortunately, if you have visited his website recently, you’ll note that Mod/Valso/whatever other name he chooses to hide behind has actively chosen not to post ANY of your comments. And that’s just not right. Here’s his latest missive: 

 

(Warning – I’m heading getting on my soapbox) Blogs are about dialogue, discussion, and even the occasional conflict (but not too often – you know it sends me into a tizzy). If we didn’t want any response or reaction, we – and I’m including Mod/Valso in this – could simply write our musings in journals and hide them under our beds. 

And so, dear reader(s), if there are other messages you want to get out, messages that were censored when you tried to post them, NOW is the time to do it, and this is the place. 

Bring on the catharsis! 

And then we can move on to our regularly scheduled silly observations!! 

~ Sarah 

The (un)Civil War Continues

July 20, 2010 at 1:58 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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In case you missed it, yesterday Sarah posted a picture of what we later learned are Azalea Trail Maids at the Mobile airport. And she unwittingly ignited a firestorm. We were quite surprised by the flurry of comments, especially the nasty ones from Southerners espousing, but hardly demonstrating, so-called Southern charm.

And honestly, part of what surprised us was that was not one of our better posts. Really? Mobilians are inflamed by a Bostonian’s curiosity about women dressed in frilly pastel gowns but not a soul comments when we mock a poster at church?

Hoodles, the feud continues today.  Being the, ahem, snarkier of your faithful bloggers, I wrote my own response to Mobile’s uproar. And I was pretty civil about the situation. But our good buddy over at the Mod Mobilian didn’t exactly take the high road. While his commentary is basically a summary of his many comments to Sarah’s post, his commenters merely demonstrated why many other regions of the country harbor a particular bias against the south.  Feel free to mosey on over there if you’re in the mood for a good laugh (and a good head-scratching).

~April

Wait, The Civil War Didn’t End?

July 20, 2010 at 9:16 am | Posted in Around Boston | 17 Comments
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Sarah and I started this blog about a year ago because Boston is a weird place that provided us with daily laughs.  We thought there might be a handful of people who also found our stories humorous.  We also both needed a creative outlet to counteract the more formal writing required of our careers. 

I’ve found this whole web blogging experience to be enjoyable, especially when like-minded fans of the Interwebs add their own commentary to our observations.  I’ve learned a lot from my dear reader(s), like that there are people out there who hate the word “panties” and that a mysterious golden retriever statue in Connecticut may actually be hiding Sanjay, which is good to know because I was wondering what happened to him.

I also learned that not everyone grasps the concept of humor.   I received a call  from my bloggier half last night during which time it quickly became apparent that she was in a state that can only be described as a tizzy (unless I were to use adult language on this blog, in which case I’d describe her emotional state as something much more colorful).  Sarah was quite upset because some alleged doctor had taken her to task not once but three times for what he perceived to be a slam against the virtues of the Southern lady.  He even went so far as to call her “a superficial, conceited bitch.”  My dear friend was quite upset about that last bit, being that I  am the one typically being called a bitch.  

As I read through the comments this morning, I learned something else.  Some Southerners seem to have a chip on their shoulders when it comes to Northerners’ perceptions.  So what if some Bostonian you don’t know thought the Azalea Trail Maids are funny?  Man up, Buttercup.   They are  funny.  Just like it is hysterical that grown men and women hang around the Freedom Trail dressed like colonists.  Some Southern female I don’t know, and frankly don’t care to know, thinks Bostonians have a crass sense of humor.  I happen to think there are some very funny people in the Hub.  Let’s just agree to disagree.  You see, that’s what makes America such a wondrous country.  We are free to disagree.  Unless you’re a Communist.  Then you better shut the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks up.

~April

Photo Phriday: Legos of Walmart

July 16, 2010 at 7:50 am | Posted in Around Boston, Photo Phriday | 6 Comments
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Have you ever seen the blog People of Walmart? If you have, you’re probably chuckling and rolling your eyes about it as you read this. If you haven’t, make sure to take a gander (when your boss is not around to catch you and question your productivity or hear your visceral reaction to the content).  

 
Anyway, I found myself in said consumer-goods powerhouse the other day and there were some “sights” to see (but I didn’t feel right about taking their photos – there’s that manners thing again). I did, however, stumble upon an inanimate object that I didn’t feel any remorse about capturing…  

Guarding the entrance, I found this giant Lego Indiana Jones:  

Indiana Jones is the MAN... apparently...

 

At first glance I didn’t notice anything peculiar. But then I had a sort of Disney-cartoon-subliminal-message-conspiracy moment: I took a closer look and noticed that apparently the good Dr. Jones isn’t shy about putting his ample manhood on display.
   

What happened to the days of asexual Legos?
 
Mourning my innocence,
Sarah  

Lego people - Rated PG

Beware of Partners Who Won’t Share Their Acorns?

June 3, 2010 at 8:02 am | Posted in Around Boston | 4 Comments
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As I waited for the train yesterday, I stood next to a well-dressed couple in the process of breaking up. It was uncomfortable, but the train platform was really crowded, and I thought it would be rude to move away. Manners always get in the way of things… But at least my discomfort yielded a blog topic!

Anyway, as you can imagine, some pretty heavy vocabulary was being tossed around like live grenades… We had the “Who the f**k do you think you are, accusing me like that?” followed soon thereafter by the “I trusted you!” comeback. The “I can’t take your suspicions anymore” rebuked by the treacherous: “Well, if you weren’t always so ‘secret squirrel’ about everything…”

Wait. What? Did he (yes, I did say HE) just accuse his soon-to-be-former lady friend of being too “secret squirrel” about her doings?

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that, if you want to be taken seriously in a confrontation (or anytime, really), avoid phrases like “secret squirrel” or “tricksy toad” or “maniacal monkey,” or any other alliterative animal comparisons.

~Sarah (the Blogging Badger?)

Sarah’s on a Mission…

June 1, 2010 at 9:22 am | Posted in Around Boston | Leave a comment
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Dear reader(s), 

Because you’ve been so loyal and non-judgmental, I feel the need to warn you about this blog post: I am about to channel my inner old codger – with a twist of activism for flavor (I call it the Shaken Shakin’ Senior Factini). Caveat lurker, and don’t say I didn’t warn you… 

Back in the good ol’ days when I first learned to drive, my parents ensured that I learn a thing or two about road manners, especially appropriate acknowledgment of driving kindness. They taught me that, when changing lanes, for example, I must always signal (and check my mirrors and the road, of course) and then, when a fellow driver grants ample space for the maneuver, I switch lanes and wave to acknowledge their assistance. 

Lately I’ve noticed that I’m one of the few old-fashioned drivers who still use the “wave-thanks.” In fact, I rarely even see anyone recognize drivers in other vehicles with a simple “palm-raise-thanks!” So I’ve decided to start a campaign to bring back etiquette to our roads by officially declaring the start of the “Road Manners Matter” campaign. 

Similar to Oprah’s “No Phone Zone,” I expect every television network to jump on the bandwagon (minivan? Is that what it would be in today’s terms?) and devote their top-rated news programs to discussing this issue. I expect people around the country to sign a pledge to improve their driving manners. And I look forward to seeing the wave-thanks in action daily. 

Gotta love the Masshole Proshop's products!

 

Am I trying to stifle anyone’s creativity or squelch reasonable angry outbursts? No. I’m a tried and true aggressive Masshole driver, too! When the situation is appropriate, I say honk out your feelings; when necessary, flip another driver the bird; and please don’t hesitate to play your radio so loudly that drivers three lanes over feel the vibration.  I would never stand in your way when it comes to loud noises and inappropriate gestures. I’m simply encouraging motorists to recognize the helpful drivers who allow us to quickly change lanes when we don’t realize an exit has gotten that close, or when we think that, in our daily commuting traffic jams, an alternate lane will get us to work so much faster that we absolutely must switch lanes (tell me again why we’re rushing to work?). 

Honk (or should I say wave?) if you’re with me! 

~Sarah

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