It’s Like We Kissed

January 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Posted in Office Humor | 4 Comments
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Welcome to 2012, dear reader(s)!  Today hasn’t been an easy day for most of us.  I’m sure you all know what I mean: just getting out of bed took a herculean effort, and trying to get back into the swing of things at work?  Well, let’s just say it’s going to take a while.

I had high hopes for 2012, I really did.  This was gonna be my year!  The year when my house became a home, when my job became less “OMG!” and turned into more “FTW,” the year when I finally became a grown-up and stopped making ridiculous mistakes.

It’s January 3 and I’ve already disappointed myself by doing something dumb.  I was in a meeting in Dark Water Fowl’s legal eagle’s office this afternoon and took a sip of water.  From his water glass.  I didn’t realize what I was doing until I finished about half the cup!  And then it hit me, and I didn’t know what to do.

Try as I might, I could barely focus on the “Ts and Cs,” as lawyer-types refer to them, we were discussing.  Instead, I was trying to figure out what to do: admit that I had inadvertently hydrated myself on his water?  Or pretend I didn’t notice and everything was normal and fine and that I hadn’t just co-mingled cooties?  What would a grown-up do?!?!

I left the meeting without acknowledging my faux pas, and I left his half-drunk cup of water on his desk, complete with my Chapstick lip imprint.

When I returned to my desk, I told my colleagues what I had done, and they couldn’t help but tease me.  “It’s like you kissed!” cried one; “That was CLASSIC!” chortled the other.  I was mortified.  But I figured that grown-ups always admit their mistakes, so I had to march back into his office and fess up.

As I shared my little blunder, I noticed he was making a disgusted face.  Great, I thought, he’s totally grossed out!  He probably thinks I have some horrific communicable disease.

But I was wrong.

“You drank that?!” he exclaimed.  “That cup of water has been sitting on my desk since before Christmas!  That’s disgusting!”

Cheers, dear reader(s).

And Happy New Year!

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A Blogger Walks Into a Bar…

July 21, 2011 at 10:55 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 7 Comments
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Yesterday I (half-jokingly) used one of the tackiest pick-up lines ever on my colleagues.  After a particularly stressful morning at Dark Water Fowl (aka our office), I returned to my desk to find a yumlicious Dunkin’ iced tea with lemon waiting for me.  To thank them for brightening my day, I may have posted an inappropriate message on facespace… something to the effect of heaven missing two angels since they were slummin’ it with me on Earth…

Oh Ralph Wiggum, be still my heart! I choo-choo-choose you, too!

We discussed (cough cough used cough cough) some of the zaniest pick-up lines we’d ever heard (and yes, I did tell them that if they were on the menu at the golden arches they’d be listed as the McGorgeous).

And then it occurred to me: I may be biased, but Factinis & Factomelettes readers are some of the most beautiful, social, in-demand people on this orbiting rock we call home, and I bet you all have some priceless lines to share!

So spill it, dear reader(s)!!  What are the funniest, most awkward, worst and kookiest pick-up lines someone has ever tried on you?

(Or, in some cases, that you’ve tried on someone else).

~ Sarah

Most Embarrassing Afternoon Ever

July 12, 2011 at 3:16 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 8 Comments
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I’m pretty sure I’m still blushing, even two hours after “the sex incident.”

This is NOT a good day...

A little background: we use Skype at my office, both for instant messaging and for international calls with our team-members around the world.  And because of my job function (PR princess), I’m always signed-in to Skype.

Well, today I was in a meeting with one of our male VPs.  Alone.  In his office.

We were both looking at a document on my computer screen when a pop-up notified me that I had an incoming call from someone named…

“Sex.”

Mortified, I quickly clicked ignore, and sheepishly glanced at said more-powerful-than-me-colleague.  We made eye contact and endured a moment of very awkward silence before he said:

“Don’t let me interrupt your plans!”

“No, I… it’s not… I don’t…,” I stuttered.  “I really have NO idea who that is!”

After another awkward pause (that I’m pretty sure was the equivalent of one hour, not the ten seconds the clock said), he laughed genially and we got back to business.  Real business.  I mean looking at the document!  ARGH!  You know what I mean!!

Flustered,
Sarah

Getting My Geek On!

June 15, 2011 at 12:37 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 12 Comments
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I have been called many things over the years, but never a geek.  And until this point in my life, I’ve been okay with that.  In fact (dare I say it?), I’ve even been happy about that.  But here I am, at 30 years old, trying desperately to become geekier.  Why, you ask?  My (now-not-so-new) gig, of course.

I'm gonna need one of these...

In my role as communications ninja, I need to be able to understand the people here.  People who will not be impressed with my obsession with klassy reality TV, or my war stories from wedding planning, or even my silly habit of blaming snarky comments on Tom Cruise.

Basically, I’m way out of my league.  Take, for example, a discussion of “captains.”  These folks can debate which “captain” is best with gusto.  I personally don’t know how you can compare cereal (“Crunch”) with Johnny Depp (“Sparrow”), because they’re both so yummy in very different ways!

But, of course, they mean Kirk v. Picard… Sigh.

So I’m turning to you, dear reader(s), to help me get my geek on!  I’ve been told I should watch Battlestar Galactica and both Star Treks, and even some Doctor Who (anyone have some DVDs I can borrow?).  But what else should I learn?  And is it possible to turn this average dork into a full-fledged geek?

~Sarah

Bathroom Etiquette

June 8, 2011 at 8:55 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 8 Comments
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I like to think I’m well-versed in etiquette.  My friends and family know me as the “thank you card queen” (I really do have an affinity for writing cards of all kinds, especially thank you notes), and I’m often consulted in matters of propriety and manners (I like to think it’s because I’ve been well-trained, not because I’m judgy).  But, dear reader(s), I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t always have the answers, and at the moment, I am perplexed by a situation at my new workplace.

The ladies room in our office building is one of those four-stall deals.  And yes, I do have a preferred stall – it’s the third one – what of it?  Anywho, it’s a rare occasion that I’m in the throne room alone.  Not an unusually strange situation – we’re all faced with public pottying every now and then.  What is strange, however, is the behavior of one of the gals in my building.

A few times every week when I enter the loo, I find her there already – but she’s never in a stall.  Most of the time, she’s pacing around the tiled room, talking (loudly) on her cell phone (in another language, so no, I can’t eavesdrop – not that eavesdropping would be proper, even if I could do it!).  And sometimes she’s pacing around the room without her cell phone.  Mumbling to herself.  Or crying.  She never potties.  She only paces and makes some sort of noise.

And I have NO idea what to do.  I’ve tried a noncommittal smile, a friendly smile, a chin-raise-acknowledgement, a brief “hey,” a wave, and even a “You okay?” inquiry.  I’ve tried ignoring her, acknowledging her without eye contact, and pretending I’m not listening to anything but the sound of my own… breathing.  But nothing really feels right.

What, dear reader(s), would you do?

Perplexed in the potty,
Sarah

Is the Grass Always Greener?‏

March 16, 2011 at 8:55 am | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 6 Comments
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A note to our dear reader(s): it might be best to cue up some sappy, grandiose background music before reading any further… might I suggest “My Heart Will Go On” by our French Canadian friend, Celine Dion? Or maybe a little Whitney Houston “I Will Always Love You” action? Trust me – the cheesier, the better. Here goes…

Is change going to do me good? Could variety be the spice of my life? Am I mad as a hatter or is there a method to my madness? And is there another idiomatic question I should be asking myself? I’m about to find out. After six years as a happy resident of MoCo Village, I’m venturing into the wider world and will soon begin a new job at a super cool, delightfully nerdy, cutting-edge software company. Woah!

I hope this image from jdwalt.com proves true!

In preparation, I’m doing my darndest to “get” the new technology that will encompass my professional life. I’m trying to read about the history and intellectual property caveats of topics like open source software, and my goal is to be able to make geeky jokes that even the most pocket-protectored developer would be proud of.

It’s exciting and invigorating and scary and nerve-wracking. And it is just one of many changes Andrew and I are forcing ourselves into this year – marriage, moving this summer (no exact destination yet), Andrew’s new job (he started last week after five years at his last gig), etc. And if you’ve met us, you know how much we love shaking up our lives!

(If you haven’t met us, I will just spell it out for you: we don’t dig change. At all. I mean, it took us four years to shack up, six years to get hitched, and we will have to discuss the merits of getting a dog for about two years before we pull the trigger on that little adventure. Stability is our jam.)

But here I go, taking the plunge. Next week is my “swan song” at MoCo, and the week after I will begin my new adventure. Time to “get all my ducks in a row” and do this job FTW!

~Sarah

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