I Stabbed My Husband… OR, Passover 2011: Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

April 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm | Posted in Heebs, Married Life | 12 Comments
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Last night I stabbed my husband. 
In the thigh. 
With an EpiPen. 
And then the police and EMTs paid us a house call and took us away with sirens a-blarin’.

Now, before I get into the details, I want to assure you all that Andrew is doing well, so don’t panic!  He’s tired, bruised (I really clocked him!), and doping just like his major league heroes (poppin’ those ‘roids like a champ), but considering what could have happened, he’s on the mend and feeling pretty darn good. 

It all started with a well-meaning Passover Seder, a ceremony in which we Yids retell the story of the Exodus to remind ourselves how lucky we are today, and how much work we have left to do in the world to help others who are less fortunate.  My dad (a.k.a. Rhymes-With-Father-of-the-Bride, or RWFOTB, for you abbreviators) and brother decided to shake things up this year and encourage us all not only to participate in the service, but to really challenge ourselves to experience the Exodus. 

Apparently my good Catholic husband inadvertently took that a little too seriously (but gosh, I love him even more for participating).  Either that or he’d do almost anything to avoid matzo…

‘Whoodles, a little miscommunication triggered an allergic reaction to nuts, which led to my stabbing Andrew in the thigh with epinephrine, which gave emergency personnel in West Hartford a little something to do on a quiet Monday evening, which necessitated a harrowing ambulance ride, and culminated in a glorious almost six hours in the emergency room waiting around and wishing we were noshing on my momma’s famous brisket, my aunt Shirley’s soothing matzo ball soup, and my craveable chocolate and caramel covered matzo.  As we Heebs say: Dayenu! 

Happy matzo to all, and to all a good night!

Carbs Are Back on the Menu!!!

April 7, 2010 at 11:06 am | Posted in Heebs | 5 Comments
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Today is a special day. The ban on carbs has passed over my Hebrew friends. That means my co-blogger can return to her normal bread-loving state.

It’s been a tough eight days. Yet I am happy to report that Sarah maintained her good Jewish girl roots (with a little help from a certain shiksa). Of course, a little self-sacrifice on my end means I may need to spice up my workout this week. You see, every Passover I feel it is my duty to protect Sarah from leavened temptations. So I eat all the trayf items and tell her how awful they were. I’m a good friend. Just a few days ago I had to snatch the pita that came with her salad and shove it down my gullet before the bread demons beckoned. And yesterday morning I walked into our office kitchen to find this:

Banana Nut Cake

I deemed this Banana Butt Cake so Sarah wouldn't be tempted.

So I scrambled to hide the devilish banana nut cake. I was in a rush and didn’t have much to work with. But I was able to hide the offender. Not a bad job, right?

Don't mind me, I'm just a pile of menus.

Alas, Sarah is too smart for me. Fortunately, Passover ended last night. And here’s Sarah with her dinner.


Mmmm... bread basket....

Happy return to Leavened Land, friends!


Happy No Carb Day!

March 30, 2010 at 2:36 pm | Posted in Heebs | 1 Comment
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If you think being on a diet is bad, try going on a diet and eschewing carbs.  That’s a sad, sad day.  Unless you are a member of the tribe, in which case you are celebrating Passover.  And that’s a good thing.  Because my understanding is that Passover is a happy holiday.  I liken it to Easter.  Except whereas we Christians celebrate a miraculous rising, the Chosen People refuse risen food products.  And the basis for the holidays is totally different.  Although, according to the Winkopedia, some people say the Last Supper was actually a Passover meal…  I say potato pancake, Sarah says latke.  <shrug>

Passover cat

Anyway, Chag Sameach, my Jewish friends!  I hope your matzoh is appropriately unleavened and that your gefilte fish is… delicious(?).


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