New Homeowner Update: Weekend #2

June 16, 2011 at 12:11 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Home Ownership | Leave a comment
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Thank you for all your support and encouragement.  As requested, here’s an update on the wonderful world of first time homeownership!  We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled snark soon…

After a brief home-improvement hiatus, we (and by “we” I mean: Big Charlie of Costanzo Tile & Marble fame, Andrew and I) attacked the house last weekend.  And, I might add, we rocked “demolition couture” (think “Derelict,” but dustier):

The latest in home improvement couture!

Remember that cute little pile of demolished blue bathroom materials?

Our former bathroom

Well, that pile has grown to epic proportions and taken over the garage, swelling with kitchen demolition debris, structures formerly-known-as-walls, ancient flooring and appliances, etc.

Home Renovation: The Good, The Bad and (mostly) The Ugly.

And speaking of the formerly functioning debris, here’s how we got rid of the supporting wall between the kitchen and the dining room…

Please note: Charlie is not in a cage… he’s working between the two temporary “walls” built to support the house while he put the LVLs in the attic.

On a more tranquil note, our yard (which we affectionately refer to as “the jungle”) continues surprising us!  Every week a new type of flora blooms, so we’ve seen lots of gorgeous color since spring!  Last weekend’s floral showcase included white roses and a sea of green vegetation punctuated by flashes of yellow flowers:

 

Stop and Smell the...


What’s next in the ever-evolving home renovation plan?  Well, this weekend we’ll be celebrating Father’s Day by putting our dads (and my Mo!) to work (again) building a closet, removing more carpet, prepping the walls for painting, etc.  Lucky them?  Rhymes-with-Father-of-the-Bride and Charlie truly deserve a special place in heaven.  Happy (early) Father’s Day!

~Sarah

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I Stabbed My Husband… OR, Passover 2011: Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

April 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm | Posted in Heebs, Married Life | 12 Comments
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Last night I stabbed my husband. 
In the thigh. 
With an EpiPen. 
And then the police and EMTs paid us a house call and took us away with sirens a-blarin’.

Now, before I get into the details, I want to assure you all that Andrew is doing well, so don’t panic!  He’s tired, bruised (I really clocked him!), and doping just like his major league heroes (poppin’ those ‘roids like a champ), but considering what could have happened, he’s on the mend and feeling pretty darn good. 

It all started with a well-meaning Passover Seder, a ceremony in which we Yids retell the story of the Exodus to remind ourselves how lucky we are today, and how much work we have left to do in the world to help others who are less fortunate.  My dad (a.k.a. Rhymes-With-Father-of-the-Bride, or RWFOTB, for you abbreviators) and brother decided to shake things up this year and encourage us all not only to participate in the service, but to really challenge ourselves to experience the Exodus. 

Apparently my good Catholic husband inadvertently took that a little too seriously (but gosh, I love him even more for participating).  Either that or he’d do almost anything to avoid matzo…

‘Whoodles, a little miscommunication triggered an allergic reaction to nuts, which led to my stabbing Andrew in the thigh with epinephrine, which gave emergency personnel in West Hartford a little something to do on a quiet Monday evening, which necessitated a harrowing ambulance ride, and culminated in a glorious almost six hours in the emergency room waiting around and wishing we were noshing on my momma’s famous brisket, my aunt Shirley’s soothing matzo ball soup, and my craveable chocolate and caramel covered matzo.  As we Heebs say: Dayenu! 

Happy matzo to all, and to all a good night!

Man Jew of the Year

February 11, 2011 at 11:04 am | Posted in Famous!, Heebs | 4 Comments
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N.B.: Our blog will return to more general (read: snarky) topics soon – please don’t give up on us just because we’re pushing Heb (or “Heeb,” as RWFOTB says is correct) popularity contests lately!

Well, dear reader(s), we’re pleased to report that my future sister-in-law made the first round of Jewish Girl of the Year her b*tch! Holla (or as we Yids say, Challah!).  Now it’s time to vote for Jewish Guy of the Year, and we’ve got a superstar candidate to push on you: my brother! 

Bieber fever's got nothin' on this future Heb of the Year! Just ask the lady in the blue dress behind my broslice...

That’s right, “Spencer G.” is in the running for Man Jew of the Year and we think you should vote for him.  Why?  Well, it’s not because he’s the best candidate and is dedicated to making the world a better place for everyone, particularly victims of genocide (in memory of our grandmother).  It’s because if I’m related to both the prom king and queen of the Jewish people, I’m pretty sure I’ll get some sweet rewards. 

Reservations at a super exclusive, trendy restaurant?  Check.  I’ll just waltz in, say the magical phrase “do you know who I am??” (this time I’ll have something kick ass to follow that up with: I’m the Most Popular Jews’ Sister, fool!!), and instantly kick someone like Tom Cruise or Justin Bieber out of their table. 

Free swag?  You know it!  When the paparazzi follow Rachel C. and Spencer G. around, they’ll see me awkwardly tagging along, messing up all their photos.  And retailers around the world will know what a great product placement opportunity this is! If I’m gonna be in every photo of the couple imaginable, I may as well look hot. Birkin bag? I’ll take two. Diamond and platinum shoes? Bring ’em on. Chopard Super Ice Watch? Doesn’t matter that I can’t tell time on it – I’d rock it anyway.       

So vote for Spencer as Man Jew of the Year and maybe I’ll remember you when I’m famous (by association).

Dos besos,

Sarah

Like, Bring Back the Quarter Jar

November 15, 2010 at 10:12 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments
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When I was a teenager, my dad (you know him as RWFOTB… Although now that I’m hitched, I wonder: does he need a new nickname? A question for another time…) was a relatively patient and easy-going parent, with one glaring exception: improper use of the word “like.”

You know what I’m referring to: it’s like, when you, like, use the word like incorrectly. You know, using it as, like, a way to pause mid-sentence (or even, like, mid-phrase) or when it, like, attributes speech to someone.

The Dreaded Quarter Jar...

To put the kibosh on this habit, my dad introduced the dreaded “quarter jar.”  Every time we used “like” improperly, my brother and I (and even some of our friends) had to deposit 25 cents into the jar.  It hurt.  And let me tell you, it helped me shape up really quickly!

A few weeks ago my dad noticed I was slipping, and even though I’m now a happily married lady living under my own roof, he’s threatening to bring the jar back!

In fact, he’s probably, like, having a grammar-fit just reading this post! And he is most definitely adding up my total. Even though I’m, like, just using the phrase in jest.

So I’m going to ask for your help, dear reader(s): if you hear me use that word improperly, call me out.  Use the Cesar Millan noise on me… shake your fist at me… slug me on the arm… find some way to help me rid my speech of inappropriate uses of “like!”  I can’t spend all our honeymoon savings in the dreaded quarter jar!

~Sarah

An Old Married Lady Already?

October 4, 2010 at 8:21 am | Posted in Spam | Leave a comment
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I won’t even be hitched until this weekend, but already society has written me off as old married lady. Don’t believe me? I got this in the mail on Saturday:

AARP says I should be retired already... count me IN!

That’s right – apparently I now qualify for membership in the American Association of Retired Persons. Ummm… Yeah…

In my quest to always find the silver lining, I’ve decided to interpret this as a sign that I shouldn’t work anymore. Apparently it’s time to retire, and that sounds dreamy to me! Andrew, however, is less than taken with the idea, citing the reality of bills, saving for a down-payment on a house, supporting our future children (don’t get too excited yet, Mo, RWFOTB and mom-in-law Kathy: this is not our way of saying I’m preggers). He is clearly not seeing the bigger picture. 

Another plus? I love early dinners and early bedtimes – I think I’d make a lively addition to the early bird special club, the news programs are too depressing these days to bother staying up past 10 p.m., and the modern marvel of “Digital Video Recording” (or whatever you kids are calling it these days) will ensure I can watch all my stories at a reasonable hour – like 8 p.m., when I treat myself to my nightly glass of warm milk.

And finally, the benefit that really sold me: senior discounts! Forget student rates (don’t judge, Andrew is a student again!), seniors have the discount market cornered! Restaurants, attractions – you name it, they can save! So count me in, AARP!

~Sarah

(but you can call me Mrs. Wilderrol, you rude little whipper-snapper)

Less Than Two Weeks to Wedded Bliss!

September 29, 2010 at 9:15 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Well, dear reader(s), it is less than two weeks until I make an honest man out of Andrew (but don’t tell TheKnot.com). Do you hear that? Single ladies cryin’ the world over. Sorry, gals – he’ll soon be off the market for good.

Adam Zyglis of The Buffalo News' depiction of brides

Help me, doc!

The big stuff is all taken care of – it is the little stuff they don’t warn you about. As such, my superwoman of a mom (you may recognize her by her blog name, Sarah’s Mo) and I have declared this Saturday: “Get ‘er Done Day.”

Between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., we will be workin’ like maniacs to assemble our programs, create our favors, and add all those special touches that make a wedding so much work… errr, I mean that make a wedding so special and beautiful.

Andrew lucked out can’t join us because he has a seminar all day, but he will be there in spirit. Rhymes-with-Father-of-the-Bride is bringing his crafting A-game. And Mo and I will be sufficiently caffeinated. But there’s so much to do! So, if anyone is feeling particularly helpful and/or bored on Saturday, or if you just have a hankerin’ to create programs, favors, etc., West Hartford, Conn. is where it’s at!

Desperately seeking free time,
Sarah

A Stressed Bride’s New Chariot Bites the Dust

September 20, 2010 at 9:23 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments
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I got a super fly new car last week.  I’m talkin’ Bluetooth, iPod docking station, steering wheel controls, intelligent key (which means it never leaves my purse – not to unlock doors, open the trunk, start the car, etc), a sleek spoiler and sporty alloy wheels.  I fell for it immediately.  I couldn’t stop caressing it; I had a bad case of verbal diarrhea; I volunteered to drive everywhere; I was, in a word, obsessed.

Until yesterday, when my car crush turned to pure, unadulterated rage.

The future-hubs and I were in CT for fasting-tastic Yom Kippur.  We planned to head back to Beantown around 10:30 a.m. to tackle some of the innumerable tasks on our wedding to do list, go grocery shopping (shameful admission: we haven’t been to the store in nearly a month), do homework and chores, etc.  The only problem?  My new chariot wouldn’t start.  My BRAND NEW, less-than-five-days-old, hadn’t-even-been-named car was dead.  Deceased.  Pushing up daisies.  It bought the farm.  It kicked the bucket.  It… well, you get the idea. I had a dead chariot on my hands (and in my parents’ driveway).

Andrew and I went through the manual to troubleshoot, to no avail.  I called AAA, which determined it could do nothing to help (though the gentleman who gave us said sad news, Luis, was very compassionate about it – thanks, Luis, for breaking it to me gently).  I called the dealership, I called Nissan Roadside Assistance, I called every affiliated service provider I could think of.  I had a breakdown.  I had another breakdown.  I worried my parents with my irrational and erratic behavior.  I required numerous reassurances and soothing words from Andrew.  I lost my wits.  Again.  I lamented turning in Blue Steel.  I felt sorry for myself.  And hours later (literally hours), I finally got the dealership to agree to tow it on their dime back to Massachusetts, to (eventually) provide me with a courtesy vehicle (though not in time to make it to work today) and fix my brand-spankin’-new car.

But that still left us love birds stuck in the Nutmeg State… what were a stressed bride-to-be and a busy-full-time-worker-plus-part-time-MBA-student to do?

Turn to my everyday heroes, of course.  I’d like to give a shout-out to our Knight in Shining Audi, “Rhymes-With-Father-of-the-Bride,” who graciously hauled Andrew, my sorry butt, and all our baggage (physical and emotional) back to Chez Gerrowski last night, then immediately turned around and drove the two hours (if you’re obeying the speed limit) straight back to CT.  Pops sure came through when it counted – as always!  What a guy!  And to “Sarah’s Mo,” who took a break from saving the world to handle the tow trucker while I was dissolved in a puddle of pity party en route back to Boston.

And as for my car?  Well, this gal has far too much to do to be without a faithful steed – so they’d best be fixin’ her up real pretty and real fast!  Or I may not be able to control my inner ‘zilla!

~Sarah

Photo Phriday: Big A** Fans

July 23, 2010 at 7:48 am | Posted in Photo Phriday | 4 Comments
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Dear Factinis: I was recently perusing a copy of USA Today when I stumbled upon a ¼ page ad I thought would be perfect for Photo Phriday. Enjoy!

 
~Rhymes with Father of the Bride 

Most awesome company name ever!

Dear Rhymes with Father of the Bride,

“Big Ass Fans” is an awesome name for a company!  I don’t even need a fan (since we rent Chez Gerrowski) but I’m tempted to purchase one just because it makes me giggle.  Genius!!

Love,

Sarah (aka Daughter of Rhymes with Father of the Bride)

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