Rich People Problems

July 9, 2013 at 11:37 am | Posted in Family, Married Life | Leave a comment
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The other day the hubs and I were bickering about household chores – he feels like he does the lion’s share and that I spend more time reading baseball blogs than helping.  I feel like he needs to relax every once in a while and understand that our house will never be as clean or tidy as he imagines it should be.

Okay, okay, it was the opposite, but sometimes it’s refreshing to pretend it’s the gal who puts sports over washing bottles.  Annnywho, in one of my dramatic retorts, I said something like:

“Fine, I’ll just get the maid to do it!  But you never help plan menus with the chef, the gardener is still waiting to hear exactly how many millimeters you’d like him to hand trim off the lawn, and the chauffeur has really been slacking on polishing the dipstick handle.  Can you get off your lazy butt and order people around for a change?  Or do I have to manage the staff alone as usual?”

I think my golden throne (haha) needs polishing!  Where's the bathroom maid?!?

I think my golden throne (haha) needs polishing! Where’s the bathroom maid?!?

It was enough to break the tension between us, but that got me thinking: is that how fights between the uber rich actually sound?  What do the gajillionaire couples of the world squabble about?  Because I’ll bet it’s not dishes, laundry, or which bill to pay first and which to postpone.

I think an experiment is in order.  Here’s what I propose: give me a few gajillion dollars (one of you can give me a lump sum or take up a collection or something; how you make this happen isn’t the important part – don’t be penny wise and gajillion foolish).  I’ll move into a mansion, hire a full-fledged staff (first hire: a personal assistant and then a household manager who will actually hire the rest of the staff for me – that’s not something a gajillionaire like me should have to concern herself with), and report back.  I promise to answer this, and any other questions you have about how the upper crust lives.  We’ll all be the wiser!

You can’t put a price on knowledge like that.  But do try.

I Quit – Part Deux

November 11, 2010 at 2:49 pm | Posted in Around Boston, Office Humor | 7 Comments
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Today was supposed to be the big day.  I was going to put myself on a pedestal, hop on my high horse, triumphantly enter my office and inform my colleagues (who I may or may not have planned to refer to as “chumps”) that they would no longer have the pleasure of my sparkling wit and enviable companionship.  I was gonna tell them that they could take my “salary” and (mom, please don’t read this part) shove it.  Because I didn’t need them anymore!  I’d make some noise, flip some birds and burn some bridges.

 

Yeah... It's gonna be like that...

You see, I was planning to win the lottery last night.  Tzarina and I had it all figured out.  But like so many of our best-laid plans, something went horribly wrong.

 

Tzarina told me that, from where she stood in the future (aka being in Japan where she’s a day ahead of me), she was certain the winning PowerBall number had an 8 in it.  So I bought a ticket with the number 8 in it.  And the winning numbers drawn included an 8… just not where I put it, or surrounded by the other numbers I chose.

In other words, I did not win the PowerBall drawing.  And this morning I could not quit my job.  Or mouth off to my colleagues.  Or lay to rest my financial concerns.

I’m depressed and disappointed.  And I’m even poorer than I was yesterday before I bought the PowerBall ticket.  And I intend to blame some idiotic butterfly in Africa for screwing me over.  Jerk.

~Sarah

 

P.S. A special note to my colleagues reading this post: Just kidding!!  You know I’d never ever leave you… not even for a better paying gig that didn’t include a horrendous commute… He. He. He.  This is awkward…

I Quit!

November 9, 2010 at 9:20 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments
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I can hardly wait to utter those words! You see, I’ve been working my tail off to make ends meet (okay, it’s not that dire, but I’m certainly not rolling in it) for years now and honestly, I’m getting pretty tired of it.

Unfortunately I married for love, not money, so that solution is out. I seriously doubt I have a mysterious relative I’ve never even met who has decided to leave me boatloads of money when he passes away. And goodness knows I’m not raking in the cash at my job, so I have to continue working ad infinitum. The whole thing seemed fairly hopeless… until yesterday.

Who needs luck when I have Tzarina?

You see, my gal Rhymes-with-Tzarina is on an adventure in Japan this week, and she’s going to be the key to our financial liberation. How, you may ask? Well, dear reader(s), in Japan, it’s already tomorrow!

Which means it’s practically like she time-traveled.

Which means she is in the future.

Which means she can tell me what happened in the past.

Which means she’s gonna give me the inside scoop on some lucky numbers!

Here’s the plan: I’ll buy “the” lotto ticket today and be a new-money-goddess by Wednesday! Then Tzarina and I will split the winnings. Flawless!

So if you want me to be generous once I’m made in the shade, now’s the time to break out in dance to the Sycophant Shuffle!

~Sarah

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