Less Than Two Weeks to Wedded Bliss!

September 29, 2010 at 9:15 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Well, dear reader(s), it is less than two weeks until I make an honest man out of Andrew (but don’t tell TheKnot.com). Do you hear that? Single ladies cryin’ the world over. Sorry, gals – he’ll soon be off the market for good.

Adam Zyglis of The Buffalo News' depiction of brides

Help me, doc!

The big stuff is all taken care of – it is the little stuff they don’t warn you about. As such, my superwoman of a mom (you may recognize her by her blog name, Sarah’s Mo) and I have declared this Saturday: “Get ‘er Done Day.”

Between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., we will be workin’ like maniacs to assemble our programs, create our favors, and add all those special touches that make a wedding so much work… errr, I mean that make a wedding so special and beautiful.

Andrew lucked out can’t join us because he has a seminar all day, but he will be there in spirit. Rhymes-with-Father-of-the-Bride is bringing his crafting A-game. And Mo and I will be sufficiently caffeinated. But there’s so much to do! So, if anyone is feeling particularly helpful and/or bored on Saturday, or if you just have a hankerin’ to create programs, favors, etc., West Hartford, Conn. is where it’s at!

Desperately seeking free time,

The Car Gods are Cruel

September 23, 2010 at 8:44 am | Posted in Around Boston | 6 Comments
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Also known as “Stressed Bride, Dead Chariot Part Tres” 

Is that a lemon I smell?


Well, dear reader(s), I’m afraid the car saga continues. Are you tired of hearing about this situation yet? Because I’m sure tired of living it, and I therefore promise this update will be brief (and bullet pointed – ooh la la).
Here’s the latest… 

  • Picked up my newly repaired car from the dealership and took it out for a joy ride (read: to run some necessary errands).
  • Parked it temporarily on the street while I went about my business.
  • Returned a few hours later to find that the darn thing died again! Again!! That’s the second time in less than one week that my brand new set of wheels conked out on me.
  • Called Andrew to rescue me.
  • Called the dealership to rhymes-with-witch about it (yes, I let my Bridezilla out) and demand they give me another courtesy vehicle that night (sadly, no “Call Me”-mobile this time).  And I was, as Andrew says, “in a hoof” while I waited two hours for the tow truck.
  • Called my parents, emailed my MOH and my bloggier half to vent my growing frustration.
  • Tow truck jump-started the car so I could drive it to the dealership (and avoid the towing fee).  Andrew followed behind the entire way in case the darn thing died again en route.
  • Arrived at the dealership. The dealership manager asked where the tow truck was.  I said that we were able to jump-start the car.  His response: “Oh, then everything is okay with your car now.”

Ummm, no.  My six-day old car had to be jump-started after it was supposedly fixed – nothing about this situation is “okay,” mister. 
And this is the part that’s really unbelievable: last night when Andrew was coming home from class, his car’s check engine light started flashing…  



Attack of the Big White Dress

May 11, 2010 at 1:35 pm | Posted in Married Life | 10 Comments
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To say that I’ve had mild anxiety about wedding dress shopping would be kind, since we all know I was a hot mess! I had visions of taffeta torture and organza nightmares, I postponed the fateful shopping day more than a couple times and made no secret of my distaste for being the center of attention in a poufy gown. But this weekend my loving mother, dear friend and Maid of Honor, Rhymes-With-Tzarina, and future mother-in-law (Rhymes-With-Mathy) and sister-in-law (Schmelizabeth) put an end to all that.

That’s right: they staged an intervention (of sorts). Tzarina flew across the country, my parents and future in-laws road-tripped to Massachusetts, and I put on my brave face and strapless bra to finally face the fabric.

Our first stop was Camilla’s in Arlington, Mass. I received an insider’s tip about how amazing this store is and the owner, Nivia, did NOT disappoint.  My adventurous entourage and I couldn’t have started in a better spot.  In fact, with her arms of steel, Nivia managed to squeeze me into every sample gown, and I didn’t look marshmallow-tastic at all. 

And I actually… had… a… great time!!

In fact, I believe we found THE dress!  And so, in typical Sarah-style, I refused to try on any other dresses at any other stores.  But we still had a few more shops to visit, so it was payback time: Tzarina and my future sister-in-law tried on bridesmaid dresses ranging from huge to hideous, “it’s a nice concept” to “my eyes are burning!”  And they were really good sports about it all – and even looked amazing in the most horrible of bridesmaid attire.  We may have also coerced my future mother-in-law to try on a few long black dresses… and she looked smokin’!

All in all, it was a fantastic day, and I’m officially over my fears and excited about wedding planning!  We knew I’d get here eventually… so watch out, world!  This bride-to-be is ready to plan!!


Goal: A Halfway Decent Bride

April 22, 2010 at 9:19 am | Posted in Married Life | 12 Comments
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Sarah is a sub-par bride. She’s lazy, clueless and just doesn’t seem to care. Or at least that’s what I learned from the interwebs this week.

You see, I was doing some research on the goggle about frugal-chic wedding centerpieces for her. And I found some great ideas. But Sarah is apparently too far behind the proverbial ball to make it work. She hasn’t been growing her own flowers and/or fruits and vegetables to decorate the reception tables. She doesn’t even have a yard in which to grow said nonexistent vegetation! She only has a container garden. A CONTAINER GARDEN! It is embarrassing.

Image from Twirl Boutique's blog...

When I queried her on the location of her bridal garden, she looked at me as if I were a three-headed dog person speaking Martian. She was completely unaware of the necessity of growing your own bouquets and centerpieces. It’s like she’s trying to fail at being a bride.

So I’ve taken it upon myself to discover what other preparations she must undertake in order to be a halfway decent bride. Because with a bridal garden out of the question, let’s face it, halfway decent is about as good as she can get. But I pretty much eloped, so I only know what the interwebs tell me.

It’s hard out there for a lackluster bride and an inexperienced bride boss-around-er. So I ask you, dear reader(s), what must our lovely Sarah be doing in order to be a real bride?

And how does one go about picking a DJ, anyway?


April & Sarah Go to David’s Bridal

February 24, 2010 at 9:09 am | Posted in Married Life | 19 Comments
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I have a completely irrational fear of big white wedding dresses. There. I said it. My name is Sarah and I’m addicted to PJ’s (which I refer to as “lounge wear” before 8 pm, but I digress). Wedding dresses inspire in me the kind of irrational fear that keeps people up at night, except instead of imagining natural disasters, I have crazy visions of myself as an over-heating marshmallow in chiffon.  And I get short of breath imagining squeezing into some bizarre taffeta torture device that designers call a bodice. Shudder.

Anyway, my faithful co-blogger decided that it was time for me to face my fears and begin the insanity. I’m not talking a full Running of the Brides immersion; I’m talking a teeny tiny toe-dip into the word of organza. And so we went on a mission to procure a bridal catalog from that ubiquitous chain, David’s Bridal

First mistake: we went on a Sunday and the store was completely packed with spotlight-seeking brides, emotionally needy bridesmaids, stress-crazed mothers of the bride and even cranky flower girls. It was a torrent of lady-emotions in the lair of gowns.

Second mistake: dealing with nincompoops. When we asked for the catalogue we were seated at a registration table and that’s where the nonsense began. Due to my irrational fear, we decided to use our nom de plume instead of our real names. The bride, “Sarah Wilderrol,” would be marrying her true love “Alex” in “November” and my “matron of honor” was “Alex’s sister, April.” Well, the lovely woman signing us in translated that into April and I preparing for our same sex marriage. We are still scratching our heads on that one, but apparently poor “Alex” was inadvertently jilted at the catalogue registration desk.

Third mistake: believing the hijinks would stop there. To calm my nerves, April and I decided to stop off for apps and an adult beverage at the neighborhood Chili’s. Apparently we looked like gals seeking sales because when April asked for a Sam Adams, the waitress scornfully informed her that it “wasn’t on special” and would be more than $1.99, in fact, even more than $2.99. As gainfully employed professionals and hometown celebrity bloggers, trust me when I say that if we order it, we can pay for it. At Chili’s. Which is delicious, but totally affordable.

So here’s to the friends (and life-partners, apparently) that help us get through both the day-to-day stresses and the irrational fears. To the gal willing to pay $4.69 for a beer as she watches her friend gradually calm down over a ginger peach margarita. And to our dear reader(s) for going easy on cheap, crazy gal pals like us 😉



You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Bridezilla…

December 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm | Posted in Married Life | 2 Comments
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Before we were engaged, Andrew and I made a habit of watching ridiculous reality shows, including one of our personal favorites, Bridezillas. We even made our friends – single, dating, married, life-partnered, undefined – watch all the ludicrous brides with us, and the crazier the antics, the more entertained we were (WE TV, your plan is working!). Seriously, we loved the smashed cakes, the people who were speaking English but still required subtitles during their rants so the audience could understand their harpy shrieks, the brides who shoved deep-fried everything down their bridesmaids’ throats so no one would look prettier or thinner than the bride on the big day – the nuttier, the better, as far as we were concerned.

You see, watching the ‘zillas was all fun and games when we were just dating and there was no jewelry involved. But now, well… let’s just say this could get a little more real for us both, so today on Factinis & Factomelettes, I will make my intentions to my betrothed, my family and friends, known:

I, Sarah Wilderrol, do solemnly swear not to engage in ‘zilla behavior. I will not physically or verbally abuse any vendors including, but not limited to: caterers, aestheticians, musicians, planners/coordinators, photographers and florists. I promise to treat my bridal party with respect, for better or for worse, in sickness and health. I will not imply that slightly different hued linens than I pictured are the end of the world, or that if I don’t get a $15,000 wedding dress, I may as well not get married at all. I vow to always remember that this isn’t about throwing the most spectacular party (though it will be a lot of fun!); rather, it is about celebrating the life Andrew and I will share as husband and wife.

And by that I mean I will do my best… but dear reader(s), when times get tough please cut a girl some slack! You know I loves me some organization, planning and scheming!


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