Photo Phriday: Stars – They’re Just Like Us! Right?!

March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am | Posted in Famous!, Photo Phriday | Leave a comment
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Admission: I love Us Weekly – love it!  I have a subscription and look forward to this brain candy every week, even though I know it’s wrong (but it feels so right…)*.  I love learning intimate details about celebrities’  lives (like Tom Cruise), and trust Us more than any other silly celeb mag on the stands.  But sometimes even I can’t defend some of the features in this pub.

Take, for example, the “Stars – They’re Just Like Us!” section.  Usually the photos include A-listers grocery shopping, drinking coffee and walking their dogs, just like normal people.  But every so often, the mag will publish shots that induce the “bang head here” reaction in me.  A few weeks ago they published this shot of Halle Berry:

Halle Berry and her shoe line

Yeah... Halle and I are going to go over our next season designs together...

If she was just browsing shoes, I’d say “Yeah,that is  just like me!”  I manhandle expensive shoes in stores all the time!  But as the caption points out, she’s adoring her very own shoe line.  Not so much like me… unless I win the Mega Millions $540 million jackpot which, as you all know, is my long-term financial plan!!


* Don’t judge me, dear reader(s) – Judgy Wudgy was a bear… and had no friends to speak of!

Man Jew of the Year

February 11, 2011 at 11:04 am | Posted in Famous!, Heebs | 4 Comments
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N.B.: Our blog will return to more general (read: snarky) topics soon – please don’t give up on us just because we’re pushing Heb (or “Heeb,” as RWFOTB says is correct) popularity contests lately!

Well, dear reader(s), we’re pleased to report that my future sister-in-law made the first round of Jewish Girl of the Year her b*tch! Holla (or as we Yids say, Challah!).  Now it’s time to vote for Jewish Guy of the Year, and we’ve got a superstar candidate to push on you: my brother! 

Bieber fever's got nothin' on this future Heb of the Year! Just ask the lady in the blue dress behind my broslice...

That’s right, “Spencer G.” is in the running for Man Jew of the Year and we think you should vote for him.  Why?  Well, it’s not because he’s the best candidate and is dedicated to making the world a better place for everyone, particularly victims of genocide (in memory of our grandmother).  It’s because if I’m related to both the prom king and queen of the Jewish people, I’m pretty sure I’ll get some sweet rewards. 

Reservations at a super exclusive, trendy restaurant?  Check.  I’ll just waltz in, say the magical phrase “do you know who I am??” (this time I’ll have something kick ass to follow that up with: I’m the Most Popular Jews’ Sister, fool!!), and instantly kick someone like Tom Cruise or Justin Bieber out of their table. 

Free swag?  You know it!  When the paparazzi follow Rachel C. and Spencer G. around, they’ll see me awkwardly tagging along, messing up all their photos.  And retailers around the world will know what a great product placement opportunity this is! If I’m gonna be in every photo of the couple imaginable, I may as well look hot. Birkin bag? I’ll take two. Diamond and platinum shoes? Bring ’em on. Chopard Super Ice Watch? Doesn’t matter that I can’t tell time on it – I’d rock it anyway.       

So vote for Spencer as Man Jew of the Year and maybe I’ll remember you when I’m famous (by association).

Dos besos,


What Gives?

October 26, 2010 at 9:33 am | Posted in Pregnancy Fun Time | 7 Comments
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Dear Factinis,

I look forward to your witty musings five days a week, but lately you’ve left me unsatisfied and alone. Did you quit me? Are you no longer serving tangy factinis and tasty factomelettes? Did the unthinkable happen and “the goggle” finally get you? Was it Tom Cruise? I bet it was Tom Cruise. Sly little man…

But seriously: what gives?

~ Putting the “one” in Lonely


Dear Lonely,

Sneaky Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise has nothing to do with our negligent blogging (allegedly)...

Woah woah woah – it’s true that we’ve been negligent, horrible bloggers lately, but we promise that Tom Cruise had nothing to do with it (allegedly), the goggle hasn’t broken us (yet) and we don’t even wish we could quit you. Admittedly, service has been a little slow in the Factinis & Factomelettes Café these days, but we’re still here and love servin’ up all the everyday nonsense we can find for you, our dear reader(s).

It’s just that lately (prepare for a pity party in 3… 2… 1…) we have both been completely overworked and over-stressed and over-tired and, well, you get the picture. Between jobs, getting married and creating life, we’re overwhelmed! But we are not, I repeat: not, giving up on Factinis & Factomelettes. And we will re-prioritize our To Dos. Eventually. Until then, we promise to be (slightly) more attentive to your humor needs in the course of our over-booked days.

And feel free to send any ridiculousness you encounter our way – we love commenting on (cough cough judging cough cough) all manner of lunacy!

~ F&F 4Eva Eva

The Scary Girl on the Third Floor

September 15, 2010 at 9:08 am | Posted in Around Boston | 10 Comments
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As strange as this is for me to say, I think that’s how one of my neighbors describes me. I’m the scary girl on the third floor. I’m someone to watch out for. I frighten people. Or at least this particular person.
You see, I just got a new car (huzzah!) which meant that I had to clean out my old car before I turned it in. Apparently junk (particularly in one’s trunk) multiplies when left un-chaperoned, so it took a few trips between my car and Chez Gerrowski to remove all the crap I had accumulated in three years.  

Apparently Tom Cruise played me in this flick...


On my last trip to the trunk, one of my newer neighbors pulled up and parked next to me. As she removed grocery bags from her trunk, she saw me pull a samurai sword out of mine. I paused for a second trying to remember how I had come to carry a samurai sword in my Honda, and saw her glance at me, then at the weapon, then at me again, quickly gather the rest of her things and dash into the apartment without looking back. Apparently I looked a little frightening pulling a sword out of my car and pondering it in the middle of the parking lot.  

And I’m okay with that!  


P.S. For those reader(s) curious as to how I came to possess said samurai sword, it’s the work of my bloggier half’s better half.  Before April and Mike moved, they bequeathed said weapon to Andrew.  He put this little parting gift in my car and apparently forgot to remove it.  Hence, “The Sword in the Civic.”

Reader’s Mailbag: Rude Mistake or Inside Joke?

April 28, 2010 at 8:37 am | Posted in Misc. | 2 Comments
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From: Bewildered Blog Reader
To: Sarah Wilderrol
Subject: Arpil? Seriously?
Dear Sarah,
I’ve noticed that you occasionally misspell your “bloggier half’s” name by transposing the “r” and the “p.” If you’re doing it by accident, that’s kind of rude, don’t you think? If you’re doing it on purpose, can you please let us in on the joke? This is getting out of hand.

Dear Bewildered, 

Trust me when I tell you that if I misspelled my bloggier half’s name for any reason other than a goof, I probably wouldn’t be here to talk about it. So yes, transposing those letters is, in fact, a joke – and one we are happy to share with the class. 

A-R-P-I-L. Arpil.


You see, we once received an email (from someone who shall remain nameless) addressing “Sarah and Arpil.” An innocent mistake? Hardly. This gal is no angel, and she did it from a terminal we know is set to auto-check spelling before sending. Clearly the Microsoft gods would have corrected that error – if not because it is a proper name, because it is also the name of a month. And a very important month, at that! So this cough cough charming cough cough gal actually had to go through the trouble of ignoring the auto-correction suggestion. She had to make an effort to screw it up! 

Why do we continue using this silly misspelling? Duh! Who doesn’t like a nickname inadvertently created by a less-than-generous acquaintance you had no choice but to put up with? 

Thanks for your judgmental (Tom Cruise, was that you speaking out of turn again?) inquiry.  



And while we are on the subject, dear reader(s), Bewildered’s question is a good reminder to us all. We will try to explain our nonsensical references proactively, but should we forget, you can always feel free to hassle us for clarity. That’s right, we hereby grant you permission to hassle these hoffs… Or something… 

You get the idea…

Tom Cruise in a Pumpkin Patch

October 28, 2009 at 11:49 am | Posted in Around Boston, Famous! | 2 Comments

A friend of a friend snapped this photo over the weekend of Tom Cruise in a pumpkin patch. SHE was searching for the perfect pumpkin to carve. But it looks like Tom Cruise was house hunting. Either that or he was attempting to recruit young Scientologists. Either way, he sure does look smashing in his “don’t-look-at-me-I’m-not-a-celebrity” dark shades and flannel shirt. Suri, by the way, was wearing Prada shoes. At a farm.

And I’m just going to throw this out there. Do with it what you will. Tom went to a farm the weekend after Sarah and I each went apple-picking. Just saying.


What’s IN there?

October 8, 2009 at 8:00 am | Posted in Spam | Leave a comment
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You know we at Factinis & Factomelettes love us some junk mail! Lately I’ve noticed an interesting trend: I’ve been getting junk mail from several delightful spammers (I’m talking to you, Risa Weedert, Wilfredo Burnette, Kimberlie Augustus and Tom Cruise…), all with the same subject line. Normally, this would have something to do with “CH3AP Meds,” discount software, luxury watches or “Permanent En1argement.” What makes these spammers different is their focus. You see, I keep receiving emails asking:

“What’s in Obama’s butt?”

That’s right – not “what’s UP Obama’s butt,” they want to know what’s IN it. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s probably poo. Then I’m going to recommend that Risa, Wilfredo, Kimberlie and Tom revisit the popular children’s book, “Everyone Poops.” And I’m not looking into this matter any further. Even presidents need bio-breaks!


Warning: TC’s in Town

September 23, 2009 at 9:24 am | Posted in Famous! | 3 Comments
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We have it on good authority that the Tom Cruise (actor, not motorized scooter inventor) is trying to get close to us. Either he has discovered our adorable little habit of blaming him for snarky remarks, or he has heard tell of our talent and wants to indoctrinate us so we use our skills for good (aka Xenu) instead of evil (aka Jewish G-d and Jesus, silly blogging and shenanigans, as applicable).

Although I will admit to some hesitance in posting this blog due to the sensitive nature of these accusations, my dear co-blogger made an excellent point: by posting this you will all know who to blame should some unfortunate “accident” befall us.

So, how do we know that TC is coming for us? Let’s examine the evidence…

1) He is filming a movie in MA. Not California, not someplace beautiful or tropical. He is in MA – and not even parts like the Vineyard or ACK (that’s Nantucket to you – Schmargaret taught me that). He is filming in Worcester (pronounced by locals as “WUH-stah”). My dad was born there. Then he left – and left the accent behind, too. With all due respect to the City of Seven Hills, it’s no bastion of trendiness.

2) “Maverick” is leaving a trail connecting to us. Case in point: he has been spotted on numerous occasions in my old ‘hood. And no one goes to Davis Square for anything other than to check out my former digs! You aren’t so tricksy after all, eh Tom-Tom?

3) He keeps getting closer and closer to us, both location-wise and Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-wise! For example: one of our let’s-call-her acquaintances (to protect her identity, of course) works part-time at a certain eatery not far from both our office and our commuting center. Mr. Cruise and posse descended upon said restaurant (we won’t tell you which restaurant, but it rhymes with meow-stella) to “eat” (though by all accounts, it was really to get closer to us). Reports indicated that while Katie Holmes appeared robotic – and significantly taller than her date (not that height gives a hoot about love) – Tommy-boy was “intense.” Apparently Suri was cute. Not the point. Focus, dear reader(s).

Ergo, according to the Rule of Three which we may or may not have invented, TC is definitely coming for us! And now everyone knows it! Keep that in mind, Tom Cruise…


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