Review: Mo’s Dark Bacon Bar

May 10, 2011 at 8:17 am | Posted in Misc. | 6 Comments
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Next week is one of the biggest events of the year for one of my networking groups. We’ll be having a silent auction of a variety of gift baskets donated by our committees and members. And since I sit on two committees and am always looking to expand my Mary Kay customer base, I’m making several baskets.

Last night was my Community Service Committee meeting. Everyone had to bring in some chocolate for our cocoa-themed basket. Let me first issue a warning to anyone looking to bid on that basket. I will cut you. I need that basket.

Hoodles. I swung by the grocery store to end all grocery stores last night on my way to the meeting to snag a delish bar of chocolate for my basket. And as I perused the various offerings, from your ho-hum Hershey’s to more exotic wares (chiles and cherries, anyone?), I stumbled across the Holy Grail of cocoa-based confections. Mo’s Dark Bacon Bar. Even my inner Scrooge didn’t care that the price tag was a bit higher than what I ever spend on candy. Heck, the delectable treat I donated to our chocolate basket was on sale! But when I saw the combination of two of my faves in bar form, my brain got stuck on “Bacon and chocolate… bacon and chocolate… bacon and chocolate…”

In the checkout, the young cashier paused to examine my purchase. I assured him his eyes did not deceive him. Which prompted the woman behind me to exclaim how she thought that sort of combo could only be found in NYC. Woman, please! Bryan the cashier requested that I return to give him a full review. A promise I made in exchange for not sharing with him immediately.

I could hardly wait for my meeting to end so I could taste my chocolate. And even though the meeting went long, I sat in my car in a quickly emptying parking lot to take my first bite. I want to tell you that this creation was so incredible I slapped my grandma and jumped up and testified. But I didn’t. Because it wasn’t. How could dark chocolate, applewood smoked bacon and alderwood smoked salt not be incredible? Unless you don’t eat pork, which I understand is trayf if you are Jewish, so please don’t point that out to me.  Besides this being a rhetorical question, I am posing this to those who share my passion for pig.

I couldn’t accept that Mo had erred. Which also would mean my tastes had erred. And that ain’t happening. I blamed a residual spearmintiness in my mouth from the gum I had just spit onto the back of my hand prior to indulging in pricey chocolate. So a few hours later, after a piece of pizza and a Smuttynose Old Brown Dog Ale, I tried again. Maybe salty, bacony chocolate is best enjoyed with beer and pizza, right? Alas, my grandma still didn’t get slapped. Although it was a little better.

So this morning I will give it one last try before I form my ultimate opinion. Here goes…

Grandma, your face is safe. The chocolate is divine, with a hint of smokey salt. But where’s the bacon? Infinitesimal porcine crumbs ain’t cutting it for this gal. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll eat this bar. And I’ll relish every bite. But for the price I paid? Honey, I want to be able to see the pork. So Bryan, save your money. I’m sure there is a tastier offering out there. The hunt continues…

~April

Geesch!

February 17, 2011 at 8:18 am | Posted in Misc. | 3 Comments
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The King of All Wild Things has suddenly become quite the parrot. I say “cute,” he says “cuuute.” A car honks, he says “bop bop.” The Other Sister says “cheese,” he says “cheesch.” Mike takes the Son of God’s name in vain, he says “Geesch!”

Super.

And even though our brains say not to react when a small child uses inappropriate language or else he’ll continue saying it to get a rise out of everyone, our mouths said, “No, Max! Don’t say that!” And thus my almost-two-year-old discovered the power of the word “Geesch.” Great.

But we didn’t hear tiny blasphemous utterances after that one instance, so we thought we were in the clear. So one evening Max and I made our weekly excursion to shop the rhymes-with-spit out of the best grocery store ever. And there we were in the family planning aisle when an older gentleman slowly pushed his cart past us and said hello to Max. Nothing out of the ordinary. I realize how obnoxious this sounds, but my little man truly is pretty darn and people constantly stop to chat with him. It takes us forever to go anywhere in public. Hoodles, the man said hello to Max. And Max looked him in the eye and yelled “Geesch!”

I did my best to keep a straight face and said, “OK, Max, we’ll go get you some cheese.”

~April

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